To wonder what happens when your boyfriend asks your father for your hand...

[PumpkinLatteMyArse]

And then he says no?

Do adults just not get married then?

My Dh did not ask my DF - I would have been appalled. My DF (nor my DH) does not own me

you really arent worth my time to reply. You obviously have your own agenda and wont even entertain someone else's opinion without resorting to insults. Im done, cant be arsed dealing with you anymore.

No I am happy you have your opinion. I just have a different one.

All I have to say is, that fuck for that!

My husband went through the tradition of asking for my hand (at my suggestion, to ingratiate!) My father said, "I warn you, she's nobody's 'yes' woman!"

When my sister's future husband went to ask for her hand, he came out of the room grinning with a piece of paper in his hand, and said, "Your Dad said, 'Put this in the window on your way out!'" It was a sign saying ROOM TO LET !

It’s the 90’s girl get with the program

I can't believe how many sour faced joy suckers there are out there.

😂😂😂 at the idea that not allowing yourself to be treated like a possession to be passed from one man's ownership to another is what's sucking the joy out of life.

Yes. We women are SO MUCH HAPPIER when we let the men organise our lives for us so we don't have to bother our pretty little heads about it.

If it's a choice between being a sour-faced joy sucker or returning to the Middle Ages in terms of women's rights, then sign me up for the former.

This thread has made me think back to when DH proposed, and why he ended up on the phone to my dad (immediately after).

I’ve come to the conclusion that it had 2 very important effects, which may be shared by other (normally modern) couples.

1. It made my dear old dad feel involved and important, especially since my active love life had lead him a merry dance for 15 odd years. He was used to me being so feminist and independent, that I’m sure he’d given up all hope of his blessing ever being asked for anything. I live my life by the idea of doing nice things for people, if it doesn’t cost me too much (mental health wise). So this was a chance to make him happy, that wasn’t going to cost me (I’d have followed my own head & heart).

2. I liked that the proposal take into account some serious thoughts, to do with the whole marriage, rather than just sparkly jewellery and toasts. The moment of stress, awkwardness, etc that is intrinsic in the fellow talking to the parents achieves this. It’s the joining of two families, and the start of a new era (financially, legally, kids wise). Those aspects deserve a few minutes recognition- however you get them. Men, especially, often need a nudge to think ahead to the consequences of what feels good right now.

I’ve also just thought that some couples probably include the parents with a mild (or overt!) agenda to encourage them to kick in for the wedding costs? No doubt family members who feel part of the proposal would be more likely to feel kindly towards contributing to their new life together? 🤣

Basically, there must be multiple reasons why such a socially outdated, patriarchal tradition is still so popular (in various forms). It must serve purposes beyond its origins. We should probably confront this head on and find a more palatable modern (feminist) version of the ritual, that cuts ties decisively with the original one.

*He didn’t “walk me”. I walked myself. He did accompany me. He did not give me away.

If I were getting married now, he wouldn’t even walk with me. Nor would I take DH’s name. *

I was just wondering why you chose your Father to "accompany" you down the aisle ?

If you would not want to take your DH name after marriage, do you see it as keeping your fathers name ?

I think it is each to their own with regards to a keeping your name, I don't see it as being a possession by taking my DH name but I'm just wondering how you view your surname as that was only given to you from a man

BTW my DF walked me down the aisle because I thought that was a nice tradition. I know it is had origins which are VERY un-PC but it was nice for us.

Our chat before the ceremony was so nice. And he did offer to pop the window for me to escape...despite me being 6 months pregnant 😂

My DH didn't ask my Dad but when we got engaged I rang home and Dad was up so I got to tell him the happy news. We talked and he was very happy for me then joked DH hadn't asked him. He was joking! But I relayed this to DH who then, next time we were there, asked to speak to him privately. The laughter rang through the house. My Dad knows me better than that! That said, we had a Church wedding and my Dad gave me away. I'm more than capable of looking after myself but always had my Dad in my corner of needed and now have DH for that (I'm talking when I have GA for dental work or need a lift home, not controlling me).

Sadly no Dad to ask but my DH did ‘mention’ to my Mum “I’m hoping, if I ask, Blinking might marry me, I hope that’s ok with you?”... my Mum said “Wow, are you sure?!”.... properly flattered me🙄🤣

Asking your girlfriend's father for permission if you're planning to get married regardless of what he says is hugely disrespectful. It's not a genuine question then, it's just nonsense.

My children know to switch the radio off when 'Marry her anyway' comes on, as I get very shouty

@Livpool yeah, I agree I think it is a lovely tradition.

My now fiance asked my Dad a couple of months ago despite both of us being mid 30s, it was a nice gesture and Dad was really chuffed to be asked.

If you would not want to take your DH name after marriage, do you see it as keeping your fathers name ?

If it's your name surname it's also yours. Not just your fathers, though?

If you would not want to take your DH name after marriage, do you see it as keeping your fathers name ?

I agree with this question. If we are gonna be against traditions then technically your maiden name is your fathers name, which your mother took when she got married. You got given that name because of a so called sexist tradition. I imagine those against marital traditions such as not taking their dh's name, having their father walk them down the aisle or not agreeing with asking for blessings have had their names legally changed as soon as they could?

@Putthatlampshadeonyourhead yes but if you took your DH it would also be yours ?

You've got to laugh at the militant feminists fighting this on here.

My mum and dad walked me down the aisle.
The priest didn't ask who's giving this woman away.
I didn't take dh surname when married.
I'm an independent woman.
We're equal.
No man owns me.

Well I'm sorry to burst your bubble but you got here from a mans ball sack.
And you was given his surname.

Fight it all you want but you are kind of owned

yes but if you took your DH it would also be yours ?

Not quite the same though. The name on your birth certificate is your legal name. Your DHs name is one you choose.

Though I dont have a horse in this race. My mums been married alot and changed my name quite a lot, so I didnt feel attached to my birth name at all.

In the end I legally changed to my nanas name maiden surname.

Well I'm sorry to burst your bubble but you got here from a mans ball sack.

Very valid argument 'cause biology'

Well I'm sorry to burst your bubble but you got here from a mans ball sack. And you was given his surname.

Fight it all you want but you are kind of owned

That probably made sense in your head but it doesn't when written down, unfortunately.

The man can ask the fathers permission, but the woman can still say no..just saying 🤷‍♀️

@Putthatlampshadeonyourhead yeah I can see your view point with that. It's taking the name you feel connected to.

My question was in response to the view of people seeing it as an issue of taking a mans name, when your birth name is taken from a mans name. Just interested really.

The man can ask the fathers permission, but the woman can still say no..just saying

But why would they need permission to ask?

My fiancé told my mum and dad he was asking e to marry him but asked for their blessing m

I like the tradition of speaking with my family but equally I am not a possession so asking for the blessing was perfect for us.

I got my name from my father, yes. So did DH. But no one expected him to change his name on marriage. So neither of us did.