To wonder what happens when your boyfriend asks your father for your hand...

[PumpkinLatteMyArse]

And then he says no?

Do adults just not get married then?

After everything I have written you honestly believe my partner and grandfather are horrible sexist men?

As they say, when all you have is a hammer then everything you see is a nail.

After everything I have written you honestly believe my partner and grandfather are horrible sexist men?

You are using a questionable rhetorical technique of taking my statements and projecting sentiments I did not express. I haven't said anything about anyone being horrible.

Essentially, what I said is that the behavior is sexist.

Man taking prospective fil for a walk to reassure him about his intentions towards his daughter= sexist.

A couple and parents sitting down together to explore and resolve cultural and religious differences =not sexist.

“After everything I have written you honestly believe my partner and grandfather are horrible sexist men?”
No I don’t. I think in this particular context they acted in a sexist manner. That is rather different.

your assumption that is utterly wrong that asking and getting married irrespective of the answer means you didn't care about the answer, as I posted previously. Ta.

You asked for their blessing because their blessing was, apparently, important to your wife and therefore you.

Except you were both fully prepared to discount it, if you didnt get what you want.

That's not respect. That's lip service.

Except you were both fully prepared to discount it, if you didnt get what you want
Nope. Wrong again. And clearly you will never get it. Ta and Good-bye

@BertrandRussell how?

well yes, he could have spoken to my mum too, but I think he was just trying to do what he thought was the right thing on a “man to man” level or whatever he would call it.

And you think that's not misogyny?

TheSun- i’ve said several times that I think men discussing a woman’s future without her presence, involvement or knowledge is sexist. I honestly don’t think how I could make it clearer!

Wrong again. And clearly you will never get it. Ta and Good-bye

Hhahha lol. You were going to ignore their answer if you didnt get the answer you wanted. You have said that yourself.

It's clear you have nothing to add and dont have the first about sexism and the impacts. Or even respect.

BertrandRussell
Man taking prospective fil for a walk to reassure him about his intentions towards his daughter= sexist

Don't be daft, there is nothing sexist about reassuring a caring and concerned father that he has every intention of being a decent husband. My absolutely non sexist DH asked my father as he knew it would make him happy. He did it out of respect for both me and my father.

But I already know at one point, my partner is going to ask me to marry him??

Putthatlamp - the whole point that you are repeatedly missing on here is that a person (in this case a DH) has to what he believes to be the right thing. Regardless of the response.

You can’t control how other people may respond to you. Even if it is a rejection, at least you know within yourself that your motives were the right ones and you tried to do what you think was the right thing.

For instance, if you felt the need to apologise to someone, you might go and see them to do just that. They might accept the apology - all good. But if they don’t, it doesn’t mean that your decision to try and apologise is meaningless. Maybe you just have to try a bit harder to prove yourself.

They might accept the apology - all good. But if they don’t, it doesn’t mean that your decision to try and apologise is meaningless.

Not quite the same as you are asking then to support what happens next.

So it would be apologising and saying you want the relationship to go back to normal. The other person doesnt accept the apology, but you carry on trying pretending the relationship is back to normal.

Despite the other person saying 'actually no'

My absolutely non sexist DH asked my father as he knew it would make him happy. He did it out of respect for both me and my father.

How does that show respect to you?

Why would your father feel respected to take part in this, due to the sexist meaning? Why was it so important to your dad, that you couldnt be proposed to until HE said ok?

And if I was to ask for my future mil's blessing, and I proposed..is that sexist?

I think an action can be sexist (ie distinguishing between norms for men and women) but sexism does not always equate to misogyny (ie hating women).

What is important to me is the intention behind an action. If it’s a genuine intention, then I can accept that it came from a good place.

You could have a man who thinks proposing is sexist or asking you father etc and I guess this is his prerogative. But I don’t think this kind of man will necessarily make a better husband.

What you get so much on MN and it seems, “these days” are men that are quite happy to be equal to their wives when it suits them - eg. women can pay for themselves on dates, propose to the man if marriage matters so much and make sure they pay their way through maternity because, you know, they want independence and equality don’t they. But what these apparently “non-sexist” men are still failing to do is to step up to fill the void - ie play a genuinely equal role at home or with the DC.

So the result of “equality” as far as I can see, is that women have had to just take in everything with few benefits, while men have been slower to adapt. In other words, they get their cake and eat it. They don’t step up in any way and are just wishy- washy, getting the best of both worlds and emptying the odd bin. I can’t be doing with any of this at all.

“And if I was to ask for my future mil's blessing, and I proposed..is that sexist?”
But that never, ever happens so it’s no point discussing it.

And if I was to ask for my future mil's blessing, and I proposed..is that sexist?

I would still wonder why 2 grown adults need their in laws blessing. I would still wonder why you couldnt both speak to both sets of parents.

And of course you would be asking after the proposal?

So again, asking a question there is only one answer to.

Thankfully DH never had that conversation with DF.

DH would have had his gonads around his neck if he’d asked for permission

Fuck that

@BertrandRussell how do you know that never ever happens?!

I think an action can be sexist (ie distinguishing between norms for men and women) but sexism does not always equate to misogyny (ie hating women).

Sexism comes from misogyny.

What is important to me is the intention behind an action. If it’s a genuine intention, then I can accept that it came from a good place.

And the fact that this acted perpetuates sexism doesnt matter?

So you apply for a promotional and expect a wage of 40k. You are successful and the person hiring says 'usually, we would give a man doing this job 50k. But I fought for you because you are a good candidate and secured you 45k', you then think 'actually their intention to get me more was good and 45 is more than I was expecting so, actually I am good with being paid 5k less than a man, purely based on my sex'.

You may have done well, getting an extra 5k. But by accepting it's perfectly fine to pay a man more than, you are perpetuating that it's not a problem that women are paid less, solely based on their sex.

It may have been your choice to accept it. You may be doing ok out of it really. It's still sexist.

And can you answer my question before to your response to me..

But I already know that at one point, my partner is going to ask me to marry him??

Well, obviously you can’t prove a negative. But if it was a “thing” then in my many years of life I would expect to have heard of at least one case, in real life, on here, in a book or a play or a TV series.

But what these apparently “non-sexist” men are still failing to do is to step up to fill the void - ie play a genuinely equal role at home or with the DC.

Yes some of them do. I havent been in a relationship with someone who thinks it's not their job to equally look after the hom. Neither exh who have kids with. Nor dp, who I dont have kids with. Neither of them would have dreamt of assuming the household stuff falls to me. And if they had, I wouldn't have been with them.

So the result of “equality” as far as I can see, is that women have had to just take in everything with few benefits, while men have been slower to adapt. In other words, they get their cake and eat it. They don’t step up in any way and are just wishy- washy, getting the best of both worlds and emptying the odd bin. I can’t be doing with any of this at all.

Its really sad when women believe this sort of stuff. That feminism isnt helping. You want and have a traditional marriage. Good for you. It doesnt mean the rest of us, must have it worse.

I have always worked full time and only ever live with 2 men, who both pulled their weight equally at home. Dp, probably does more than me due to commuting times.

Funny enough I manage a career, financial independence and have a happy relationship with someone who does see me as an equal.

There are tons of posts on here where the sahm, is being screwed over or her husband/partner believes all the home and kids stuff should fall to her all the time. That doesnt mean all relationships where the mother is a sahp are like that