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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My ex dressing the kids

105 replies

Pjmasksmum · 27/04/2019 16:31

Each time my ex sends the kids home from a couple of nights at his, he dresses them in clothes too small. They go to his in decent outfits but when they come home they're in old small stuff that should have gone to charity and I've lost an outfit that I will never see again. He's been doing this for years now and I am sick to death of it. I thought he was doing it to get a reaction so I stopped mentioning it, he still does it. I send them back the following week in the same small clothes, he still does it.

Does anyone have any suggestions or do I should just ignore it? Bare in mind he's doing this with school uniform too and I'm so embarrassed for them going to school like that. My son's in age 7 and he's coming home in jumpers aged 5. If their shoes break he doesn't buy new ones, he glues them together to make them last until the kids come back to mine and I go straight out and buy new ones. It's absolutely humiliating for the kids. He knows full well what he's doing, it's like it's one of the last forms of control he has over me and my money and it's costing me a blessing fortune.

OP posts:
HolesinTheSoles · 27/04/2019 16:34

In terms of school clothes could you keep a spare jumper at school they could change into? Obviously YANBU and your ex is a dick but as you say he's looking for a reaction and it's probably best not to give it to him. How confident are the kids in asking him for what they need? Eg saying "this jumper's too small? ".

redexpat · 27/04/2019 16:37

Take photos. Every time. Send them back in the same as you are already doing. Get the kids to change before they leave school so the uniform stays safe.

Im not sure what you should do with the photos. Is contact court ordered?

Original poster
Pjmasksmum · 27/04/2019 16:40

My daughter who's 8 has said they tell daddy their clothes are too small but he tells them that's what they're wearing. It's so sad. When I used to ask him he'd say they dressed themselves and he forgot the small stuff was in their drawers.

The only problem with leaving jumpers in school is on his days they will go back to his and I won't see them again.

OP posts:
Stormwhale · 27/04/2019 16:40

I think I would threaten social services as its abusive to the children.

Original poster
Pjmasksmum · 27/04/2019 16:41

No courts aren't involved, it's just arrangements between us at the moment.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pjmasksmum · 27/04/2019 16:42

I'm waiting for the day my daughter says she's doesn't want to go to his any more, I don't think it will be long. My son is pretty clueless at the moment.

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 27/04/2019 16:44

To be honest I would send the too small stuff back to school as list property.
He will soon run out of old stuff so have to send them in nice again...
Also see if school will report him for you ..

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 27/04/2019 16:45

My sister had an arrangement with school that they changed there and left their uniform on their hook.

Drogosnextwife · 27/04/2019 16:45

I think I would be telling him if he can't dress the kids properly, so they are comfortable and happy, then they won't be staying with him long enough that they need to get changed there, and they certainly won't be staying on school days if he is going to embarrass them like that.

Drogosnextwife · 27/04/2019 16:47

My friend has had to buy some old cheap clothes to send her DS to his dad's in because none of the nice stuff she has gets sent back.

Original poster
Pjmasksmum · 27/04/2019 16:49

That's what I've had to do, send them in cheap stuff that I know won't come back. When it gets too small I might see it again lol

OP posts:
FangsTasticBeast · 27/04/2019 16:52

By some stuff from charity shops to send them down in . You can get some good stuff in charity shops and it’s cheep

Chuck all the too small stuff he sends away

FangsTasticBeast · 27/04/2019 16:53

Oh cross post , mine used to do the same. No idea why. Just spite I think

Lolly34h · 27/04/2019 16:56

My ex buys my son awful fake name brand stuff and makes him wear it. He brings it home it goes in the bin. I never send him in proper branded stuff and buy primark just for his dads houSe. His dad walks around in proper naked brand stuff. My son is 14 and hates it

ivegotthisyeah · 27/04/2019 16:56

I have this all the time now what I do is dress them in something from dads house to go in so I never let my clothes go and if they do I nag him
Until I get it back. Men have no clue and I am sure my ex does it to wind me up. Ex clothes aren't too small though I'll give him that just not what I would dress them in. My friend used to take photos of what her kid was wearing so she could get it back. It's not fair especially if your on a lower income and can't afford to replace lost clothes

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 27/04/2019 16:57

I think I would threaten social services as its abusive to the children. point me to that bit of legislation please

Inliverpool1 · 27/04/2019 16:58

Ffs SS aren’t interested in clothes

Original poster
Pjmasksmum · 27/04/2019 17:00

What's SS?

OP posts:
BoomBoomsCousin · 27/04/2019 17:04

Men have no clue and I am sure my ex does it to wind me up.

If they had no clue they couldn't do it to wind you up. Is it more likely that he doesn't notice it at all or that he notices it and realizes it winds you up, so does it?

Chottie · 27/04/2019 17:05

@Pjmas

SS = social services

hazell42 · 27/04/2019 17:05

Everytime he sends too small clothes home, bin em. He'll soon run out

GabsAlot · 27/04/2019 17:07

tell him they cant stay then if hes not dressing them apprpriately if he wants to he can take it to court and tell a judge why he wont buy them new clothes

dont let him walk all over you

Unihorn · 27/04/2019 17:09

ivegotthisyeah we actually have the opposite problem, my husband's ex sends my DSD to us in awful, small, scruffy clothes, and does the same with uniform. So it's not just men!

FuzzyLilac · 27/04/2019 17:09

I think I would threaten social services as its abusive to the children.

WTF!!!

I hope you are taking the piss!!

SunshineCake · 27/04/2019 17:11

I'd ask the children how they feel about things and then act accordingly.

He's a shit.