To not want daughter going to a wood by herself?

[Vellia]

Dd is 16. We live in a town with lots of countryside/footpaths at close proximity. About a 15 minute walk away from our house, you get to the edge of some farmers’ fields. If you walk down the side of one of these you find yourself in a lovely small wood. At the moment the bluebells are out and it’s absolutely magical.

Over Easter, dd and I have gone for a walk in this wood most mornings before she starts revising (I work in a school so have school holidays off). But in a few weeks’ time she’ll be off school on pre-GCSE study leave while I’ll be working.

She’s said in passing that she’s going to go for a walk in the woods at the start of each day to get herself in the right frame of mind for revision.

I feel rather uncomfortable about this as the wood is a significant distance away from the road & any houses. Definitely out of ear-shot. And the wood is never very busy - we rarely bump into more than one or two people, mostly dog walkers; often it’s entirely empty apart from us.

AIBU to think it would be unwise for dd to go walking there by herself? Would I be unreasonable to tell her she can’t?

Like anything else, you prepare them with strategies for what to do if creepy people are around. Who can be anywhere but tend to prefer places with higher people concentration. I'd be down there any daylight hours. Night time is just a problem when you can't see the space around you as well. Same in a very dark area of town. Woods have lower concentration of homeless people so probably safer on whole.

I was walking around wood like that (usually with a dog, not with friends) from the age of 9yo. No phone in 1970s. Sounds like a great place to go running.

Let her go.
Stop teaching her that she should be worried about the worst that can happen, and start encouraging her to consider the best outcome.
The walk will have so many potential long term benefits for her and the risk is infinitesimally small.

Yes, the last two of these are probably rare but they do happen and the best thing to do is minimise the risks by not putting yourself in unnecessary danger.

So never cross a road, drive a car, go to a pub, attend a party? All of these are higher risk activities for rape and murder than walking.

ps: my dog used to bite people, but the one time someone tried to sexually molest me (I was 5yo) she ignored them (!)

Not some historical innocent idyll; instead I grew up in a plenty-crime big city outside UK. Had (has) lots of rough ground and tall shrub patches to explore. Mega-homeless there problem even now.

The risk might be increased by the routine. I have spent much time in that sort of place, but only with large dogs, and not at the same time daily. I do not think it’s a good idea
However, she’s 16 and in charge of her own day - she probably won’t even go.

I'm often out walking in isolated places and in the (midsize) city at night. I've done it all my life and I'm fine - it's benefited me in all sorts of ways, particularly confidence. My mother has never been keen but she's wrong and it lowers my opinion of her.

My head tells me risk is minimal. But.
As a child I wandered free across fields and woods in Kent. As a young adult took regular walks on Putney Heath and Wimbledon Common. Beautiful places; always felt safe.

Anyone remember the Lin Russell and Rachel Nickel murders. It does happen.

Blimey, amazed how many people would avoid this: my 13 and 15 year old both do a similar thing - and I love that they are aware of the calming impact of walking, alone time and nature, even if I did worry a bit the first few times. I would expect sensible precautions (think about phone being accessible/quick to call; no headphones; if you see anyone who makes you uncomfortable leave straight away; don't be polite, be safe; vary walk time; maybe try and buddy up sometimes) but as others have said, she's probably at far higher risk at a party in real terms.

16!!!! Of course she can go for a walk in a local wood to see the bluebells

Definitely let her go. But probably she won’t go when the time comes as she will have forgotten or slept in or busy revising, it’s just an idea at the moment.

Life is full of risks. I live in a big city, I can bring up stories over the last 12 months of women (and some men) being raped in the local park, woodland, behind a supermarket, in a car park, walking down the street and in their own house.
Risk is everywhere and we can't rule our lives by it.

Please don't indoctrinate your daughter with the idea that women can't go anywhere on their own. That's the real risk - that she starts to believe this nonsense. Hopefully it's not too late.

I am amazed how many people would avoid doing this. Actually amazed. I assume none of you ever get in a car or let your teenage sons out alone as statistically lone males are the most likely victims of unprovoked crime

My daughter comes up with these ideas all the time. Will she stick to it or just go once or twice then be fed up of it?

Explain the dangers and let her go.

Jesus Christ I can’t believe this thread is for real. Totally batshit.

I think the risk is her making a routine of it.

Exactly this and I’m surprised others aren’t realising it

And if this was your son would it be different?

I walked through a wood and across fields to school every day when I was at secondary. I never saw anyone else and nothing ever happened.

You're not alone with a dog though, Adaline.

A dog is not some magic protective cloak.

Life is not worth living if you can’t walk alone among the bluebells whenever you feel like it.

amazed at how many people are saying it’s too risky. She’s 16 - I was walking home from clubs at 2am, alone, at 16. Of course you can provide links to people who have been raped or murdered in this scenario - I could provide you with links to cases where people are murdered in their own home, or at work, or at a social gathering. Shit happens. That doesn’t mean you don’t live your life. How depressing that there are people raising their daughters to think they have to hide away.

Walking outdoors in beautiful places is very, very good for mental health and excellent at reducing stress. Pity more youngsters don’t do it.
I walk most days alone through woods. It’s lovely.
My children have walked alone through woods, fields, over stiles, up fells etc since they were about twelve.
Much safer than hanging around in gangs in parks and on street corners.
Luckily the daughter is less neurotic than her mother. It is the panicking at the thought of a lone walk that is more likely to create problems.

I can't see the issue, especially if - as you say - it's a place where there are rarely other people.

You really can't see the issue?

amazed at how many people are saying it’s too risky. She’s 16 - I was walking home from clubs at 2am, alone, at 16.

Your parents shit parenting aside, you were probably safer where people could see you than in a random wood alone. You get vagrants and randoms out living in woods near me and no, it's not safer than being in town.

OP I don't know what to say, I'd find it nerve-wracking myself but she is 16 and it's in the day so I suppose she should be let to make the decision herself.

Most rapes and murders are perpetrated by people the victims know. FACT!!

I walk in the woods every day with my dog who is no bodyguard, but I don't need a bodyguard because I am an adult!! So is your DD almost an adult and she needs to get out and enjoy the bluebells!!

My children have walked alone through woods, fields, over stiles, up fells etc since they were about twelve. Much safer than hanging around in gangs in parks and on street corners.

These are of course the ONLY two options.

She’s 16, it’s not really going to make any difference if she’s 16 or 35, there a risk to everything. I walk a lot on my own, often in secluded areas, I’ve never even considered getting jumped on 😐