To not want daughter going to a wood by herself?

[Vellia]

Dd is 16. We live in a town with lots of countryside/footpaths at close proximity. About a 15 minute walk away from our house, you get to the edge of some farmers’ fields. If you walk down the side of one of these you find yourself in a lovely small wood. At the moment the bluebells are out and it’s absolutely magical.

Over Easter, dd and I have gone for a walk in this wood most mornings before she starts revising (I work in a school so have school holidays off). But in a few weeks’ time she’ll be off school on pre-GCSE study leave while I’ll be working.

She’s said in passing that she’s going to go for a walk in the woods at the start of each day to get herself in the right frame of mind for revision.

I feel rather uncomfortable about this as the wood is a significant distance away from the road & any houses. Definitely out of ear-shot. And the wood is never very busy - we rarely bump into more than one or two people, mostly dog walkers; often it’s entirely empty apart from us.

AIBU to think it would be unwise for dd to go walking there by herself? Would I be unreasonable to tell her she can’t?

Good post TheBulb and yes you are right. When I think about the harassment and when I read on MN and other places, it’s more often than not busy areas, the underground, busses etc.

“Displacing their fury” is spot on. But as you point out it is understandable. It is not irrational or unreasonable to feel the fear. I think people should be kinder to the OP and women in general over this issue.

We really have the crap end of the stick as women.

Ah no lime I just meant at night after having a skinful. If I was fairly drunk and it was dark then no I wouldn’t. I also wouldn’t go for a walk alone in a wood

See, I'd do both of them and wouldn't think twice. Shows we're all different.

I regularly go for walks alone in our local wood. I think the benefit to my mental health far outweigh any risk from a stranger. The risks get blown out of proportion which is a real shame.

I go trail running on my own through countryside. Every few runs I might encounter a dog walker, it's that busy . I feel safer in very quiet places than more accessible places where people pass every few minutes. In a more remote place, you could loiter all day and still not encounter a desirable victim.

I do carry an attack alarm as a precaution. My routes and timings vary, and routine is a valid point.

I was sexually assualted in a room full of sleeping friends at a party by an aquaintance.

I'm not going to restrict my life based on primal fears. I do risk assess. I do take reasonable precautions for my safety, but it is important to live a full life. Nature is so important for the soul.

I go trail running on my own through countryside.

That I admire.

I run, but am afraid of cracking my ankle (which is full of pins already) in a rabbit hole miles from anywhere, and having to drag myself home on hands and knees.

I live in the countryside so played in woods and fields alone from about 10, making dens and all sorts.

It's very unlikely if you rarely see anyone that anything would happen, also there's much more dangerous places with frequency of sexual attacks, school being one, then an empty woods.

I regularly trail run alone too through the countryside and on rural roads; often overnight - nothing like the pitch dark and just the circle of a head torch. I feel far, far safer in the middle of nowhere in terms of human predators than anywhere populated. I am conscious of avoiding pattern - setting though.

I have been assaulted and also watched and followed home from a pool by someone who I then managed to scare off once he had come into my room; neither of these encounters have been whilst I was alone and both in busy areas.

But a walk home alone at night, even in my safer area, hmmm probably not. I think it’s a privilege that men don’t even have to weigh these things up

It is certainly unfair on women that they receive so much abuse but someone upthread mentioned it's statistically more likely that you'll get attacked if you're a man.. so then surely it's just as dangerous for men to risk walking in woods alone. It truly feels that nowhere and no one is safe any more but you have to weigh up the risks and 'arm' yourself appropriately.

Oh dear.

She wants to go to the same secluded area alone at around the same time each day?

Um..

I would worry very much. You do not know who might be watching and what could happen to her.

All the posters insisting that they could fend of rapists because they know self defense/martial arts, are you really that naïve?
Do you honestly think physical force is the only means a rapist has at their disposal to control you?

I have done martial arts since I was tiny, and something which was repeatedly drummed in was never, ever to just assume you can successfully fight anyone off, and never overestimate you abilities. Being over confident makes you careless.

I've competed at an international level in my martial art, but its been bitterly proven to me that I can't always defend myself.

Even if you can fight of one rapist, what about if there were two, or three, or five?

I also completely disagree with ignoring your gut, your gut of often your brain picking up and piecing together tiny pieces of a puzzle that your conscious mind doesn't. Gut instinct has developed over thousands of years of evolution to keep us safe. So using brain and gut is probably safest. Besides, if your gut is screaming at you not to walk through a particular stretch of woods, why would you? Surely you're not going to enjoy it much that time anyway as you'll feel on edge.

And yes, it's the routine aspect which would bother me, not the walking in the woods so long as there was mobile phone reception and she was aware of her surroundings.

How would having a mobile phone protect you from a rapist?

Fresta- that’s what I thought There wouldn’t be time to phone anyone

It's not just rapists there are flashers and muggers

All waiting in the woods together?!

She's 16 FFS not 6 - unless you live in an area that is spectacularly unsafe I would have thought going for a county stroll was one of the least risky things she'll do in her life. There's far more chance of her being injured or killed as a passenger in a car for example. I think you're being irrational and over protective.

Why in the world would a rapist/mugger/flasher be hanging around a deserted woods waiting for a random girl to come by?

Worst criminal ever.

And lions and tigers and bears

Oh my

I don't why some people seem to think that assault doesn't happen in deserted places. Attackers can and do seek out such places for their attacks.The woodland in question is not in the wilds of Scotland or the depths of of the countryside- it's clearly in close proximity to the OP's house which I presume is in an urban area or village- woodlands like this will have quite a few people passing through at various times. Rapists, flashers etc. don't just hang around dark alleys at night! Most are opportunists I would think!

I see PPs have already said what I was going to; borrow a neighbour's dog. It's possibly only a slight deterrent, but it is a bit of one and makes you look like you have a purpose and therefore less of a target. It also sends a message that you are probably on the radar of other dog walkers and therefore a less good target. My older teen/ young adult DDs walk all over with our dogs, usually pretty remote areas. It's never occurred to me to worry - the risk is tiny.

Unfortunately, even as an adult I'd probably not go for a walk in the woods alone. It's sad that I feel that way, many people do it without any problems but it's just not worth the risk for me as various things have happened to friends of mine that have made me wary.

So now there are five rapists and a mugger and a flasher all working together. Waiting in the bluebell woods for the 16 year old girl.

If you want to keep your daughters safe, the best thing they can do is never to have a sexual relationship with a man. Oh, also don't let your daughter come in to contact with any male family members either.

An average of 137 women across the world are killed by a partner or family member every day, according to new data released by the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime (UNODC).

They say it makes "the home the most likely place for a woman to be killed".

More than half of the 87,000 women killed in 2017 were reported as dying at the hands of those closest to them.

Of that figure, approximately 30,000 women were killed by an intimate partner and another 20,000 by a relative.

There are bound to be more women killed in their homes than in 'bluebell woods' (as we like to call them on this thread- as if that makes them safer than any other type of wood), because there aren't 87, 000 women in the bluebell woods to kill. Doesn't mean 16 year old girls should wander in the woods without caution.

Walking in woods alone can be avoided- having male family members generally can't be avoided.