I have lost weight & started taking care of myself and I have lost every friend I ever had!

[dinkydolphin]

In January I decided I was going to change my lifestyle for the better.
Starting January first I started doing things to make MYSELF happy. I lost a stone, started wearing makeup, bought nicer clothes, started getting my nails and hair done and wore makeup regularly. On top of this I started socialising more with my partner and together we went out more and over all and generally I was a lot more confident in my skin.
However, as of last night I have lost some of my closest friends. Women who I knew since high school. Many of them have been trying to lose weight for a while or I guess were used to be looking different but, my last original friend last night told me I just wasn't myself anymore.

I am obviously going to keep on the track that boosts my confidence but, it's been very very sad losing good friends.

I'm guessing Juice Plus?

We were on the phone last night talking about heading out as a group of ladies this Saturday night! I suppose before I would have stalled making a decision on going and saw how I felt on the night. Last night however I was excited to go and really up for it! The phone call was genuinely absolutely fine. I was going to pick her up for 8pm! We discussed outfits and then spoke about work a little then exactly 17 minutes after the last message I got a massive paragraph that said, 'you aren't the same person anymore and I don't think we have the same friendship'.

It's very obvious it's me then but, I think I've been just as friendly it's my attitude that's changed a little. Maybe I'm over milking it?

What else was in the message as that’s quite the bombshell!?

I'll ask my last remaining friend honestly if shes seen a change. She will make sure and tell me as brutally as possible.

@atalune it was about how we would organise Saturday. She said she wasnt going to go just. Then how we would organise giving back our children's bits and pieces. Nothing overly ground breaking just more organisational.

OP can you confirm if you are involved in MLM in any way?

Otherwise, yes, ask your remaining friend to be brutally honest.

Maybe I'm over milking it?

Over milking what?

There must be more to this, it's so odd.
There was nothing in the call at all, when organizing it?

It's ok to change....maybe you have changed for the better?

Young girls are conditioned to make others feel good about themself, and sometimes we are conditioned to be doormats, if you move on from being a doormat then you have changed to your benefit, but to the usey friends detriment.

Nobody needs fake friends. Nobody needs friends that can't adjust to change or accept that change is part of life.

My take on it is all friends are changing....at all given times... so you may have changed and they may also be becoming more judgey in their own way.

Ultimately if they are not healthy, kind, supporting, positive and fun, genuine friends then maybe it is no harm to readjust to the curent you.

I thnk people are always justifying their own choices and weighing them up against other people.....justifying how good they are against other people. Just maybe operate in neutral with them for a while, avoid any further falling out, just neutral and see how it all pans out.

Friendship groups tend to be fractious anyway, and this becomes obvious when there are external pressures, like children, midlife weight issues, finances, lifestyle discrepensies, relationship comparing and contrasting. We can only be true to ourselves and be happy with our choices, ignore the negativity.

There is a saying I love.

If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole.

If it's a 1 friend I would believe jealousy or smth. If it's most or all of them, I think problem might be you.

I had a friend who stopped eating dairy because it was bad for her skin. Her skin cleared up and I was really happy for her! Until the "maybe you could consider that" digs started. Non stop. Mind me I have 1 spot every 4 months or so, so I realy don't think it warranted her telling me all the time I "could try it" 🙄

What are you over milking? The lifestyle change or the weight loss? You're not doing Juice Plus are you?

Ah I had a couple of friends who didn't like to see me progress in life. We were school friends too. It started off with making nasty comments, sort of making fun of me when we were all together. And then came the 'you've changed' messages. Yeah I had changed, I'd stopped taking their crap and moving forward with career and things I enjoyed in life. God forbid I wouldn't be the same young adult loafing around forever!
Years later they both contacted me apologising.

We can only be true to ourselves and be happy with our choices, ignore the negativity.

Maybe that's the advice her ex friends have taken.

Every single person in your social group? I don't think so

That is fair comment and in my case it was just one person who reacted appallingly not a whole social group. But... sometimes whole friendship groups can have an unhealthy dynamic and it is possible that OP's changes are changes for the better.

I was just commenting generally that how you look and feel about yourself affects how others treat you.

If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole

Or you have just had a really bad day

OP my best friend and I were very close and started our weight loss journey together with healthy eating and running. We were doing well but then I fell pregnant after years of trying. After suffering HG and a difficult birth & PND I got back into running with my friend. She would talk about herself & her boring diet non stop. She said awful things about 'lazy mums' who make excuses not to exercise. She never once asked how me or my daughter were doing. In fact she would walk in the house and completely ignore my child. Everyone began to find her an insufferable bore. I would drive us all on nights out as I was PG or breastfeeding and when I was drinking again she gave up drink completely as part of her healthy diet. We went out and she refused to do any driving as she thought 'people take advantage just because I don't drink anymore' which wasn't the case. I just thought she'd like to return the favour as I had driven her around for nearly 2 years. She then tried to rope all her friends into a MLM scheme so that she could 'feather her nest egg' now that she wanted to get pregnant. The last straw was when she began a health 'blog' claiming that her friends were jealous & unsupportive. I stopped talking to her after this. I never was jealous. I have continued my own healthy lifestyle and weight loss since having baby but she became so vain and self centred that I couldn't be around her anymore. Its great that you have taken time to focus on your health and your needs but ask yourself honestly if you have lost focus on what is going on in your friends' lives.

Something fishy here

I was also wondering about Aloe or JP.

More to this than meets the eye!

Have you been talking about your lifestyle changes or an MLM to your friends?

So the conversation you had with your friend inspired her to text you afterwards with the 'you've changed' message.

If she was a real friend- rather than just a misery sharer - then it is worth a bit of soul-searching to work out what went wrong.

Somewhere in that conversation (that you thought 'fine') is the clue you are looking for. Clearly there is another way of looking at what was said during that call.

We haven't enough information (and only have your present view of it) to judge but you probably could if you are ready to be empathetic and honest.

Sounds like an MLM to me too. I've started avoiding a friend because of it. I know I need to tell her why but I can't quite work up the guts.

Have you become a bit full of yourself. I never talk about clothes for going out perhaps I'm odd.

That’s really odd OP, yeah, I’d ask the one friend her opinion, or whether she’s heard anything from the others to explain it