Being punished at work during a really difficult time

[Habbs]

28 weeks pregnant and having a difficult couple of weeks. Some issues were flagged up at a growth scan, I opted for an amniocentesis, no results yet but been told to prepare myself. I'm obviously devastated and have been a mess since it all happened.

I left work to go to the scan, with it being taken as an ante-natal appointment and to go back afterwards, obviously after getting bad news and spending a long time talking to the consultant I over ran until my office had shut.

I didn't sleep at all that night, I suffer from anxiety anyway and this just made me a complete wreck. I text my manager in the morning saying I wouldn't be in, just explaining I had some concerns with my pregnancy and that I was very upset. He replied saying "You know policy Habbs, sorry but I need a phone call" I didn't feel up to it but I know it's procedure so I rang, within 30 seconds I was hysterical which I know is embarrassing as a grown woman/supposed professional but I'm just a wreck with it all. I ended up having to end the call because I couldn't speak I was so upset. I text and said I'm so sorry, I'm really struggling to hold myself together enough to speak about it. No reply.

I had the amnio the next day, I didn't want to text again so I emailed his work address just to explain I was having an amnio, that I'm sorry for not being more professional and that once I knew more I'd be in touch properly. Thanked him for understanding and apologised for leaving the team short for the remainder of the week. No reply.

It's been a few days since, I've been home with DH just in bits. Every now and then it just hits me and I panic and cry. I'm barely sleeping and having a lot of panic attacks. Manager hadn't been in touch since and I thought it was understood that I was just having a few days to deal with everything.

I've had an email now with a letter attached about a disciplinary hearing for a week unauthorised absence due to 'lack of adequate contact' and it's really hurt me. I've never done anything like this before but I'm really struggling, I tried to speak to him and couldn't pull myself together enough. It just seems such insensitive timing to do this when I've got a lot on my plate waiting for results. I'm not sure what to do? I know companies have policies but surely for something like this you would give people a little bit of slack? I'm already so worried about my baby and now I'm worried about my job too.

OP listen to Bluntness100 it's very sensible advice.

Sorry for what you are going through, hope the results are OK. Yes your boss could have been kinder, but also remember you are getting paid to be at work. So when you aren't there they need to know why, your boss has told you the policy was a phone call, and that is fair to both parties.

Your boss is a dick and a crap manager. Why didn’t he try to contact you to check on your well-being?
I think a text message is fine if you are too upset to talk. I’ve been managing teams for 10 years and despite having a sickness policy, I always used my discretion.
I hope your baby is okay and you get through the disciplinary without too much upset.

I agree absolutely with what Bluntness is saying.

I have read this thread thinking at times that I must be reading a different thread to some posters who are berating others for not demonstrating empathy, compassion or support.

I think everyone is very aware that the OP is going through a miserable time right now and is anxious and frightened. Everyone hopes that all is well with the baby. But the posters who are actually offering practical advice about how to deal with the fact that the OP has broken policy are actually the ones who are being the most helpful. Much less helpful to simply join in the slagging off of the manager and fuel the inaccurate belief that the company are in the wrong here. How is that going to really support the OP in the long run?

I'm so sorry your going through such a difficult time. It is, however, company policy and is policy in most companies, people have been through all sorts of terrible illness & trauma and are expected to phone in and do manage to.

You need to get yourself booked off, as there is no way you are going to be able to go in and do your job if the telephone call was too much. You can deal with the repercussions afterwards.

There’s a lot of emotive statements on here, that in the grander scheme of things, mean the square root of fuck all.

Listen to @Bluntness100

Very sage advice

YES bluntness is right

Also OP have you contacted them this week at all, your email said remainder of the week so presumably they were expecting you in yesterday.

Did you contact them at all yesterday to say you were not coming in and what time did you get the email? Even your email only self certified you for the Weds/Thurs which sounds perfectly fine but was there any communication from you this week?

The best lan is to see your gp today for a proper sick note to cover you for the last week as well as a little while to get your head together. Once that’s in, you won’t have to worry about phoning in every day.

While the situation with your baby is still ongoing, work would be incredibly cruel to hold the disciplinary hearing so you should have a bit of breathing space from that.

You might get best to talk to your union and/or an employment lawyer in real life.

Wow this 'must be a phone call' nonsense is archaic AF! What are you supposed to do if you have a throat infection and physcially cannot speak? Unbelievable! Here a text or email is actually preferrable to a phone call as then it's in writing for boss to deal with when they have time rather than having to remember the call if they were out and about when it came in.

I'm sorry OP, your boss is being an epic, heartless wanker. I hope it all gets sorted out ASAP and that your baby is okay.

Get signed off by gp immediately, you need space and time at the moment. Don’t go to disciplinary you’re understandably not in a good place to approach it professionally and this could be used against you.

What’s your job like generally? When companies want to manage someone out, they often seize situations and make them into a Big Deal. Following policy to the letter, and basically using it against the employee they would like to resign, a stick to beat them with. Seen it many times. Whereas if they want to keep an employee, they are much more compassionate and flexible. Do you get the feeling your manager would like to move you out of your job?

I have a feeling that if the OP's manager had repeatedly tried to ring her to make contact, there would be lots of posts saying that he's a bully who is harassing her.

He might be awful, he might be a crap boss, or he might just be someone who can't do the right thing no matter what he does. One thing is for sure though, surely no employer would accept an open ended 'I'll be back in touch when I feel up to it' and just leave it at that?

Contact HR or union get some help to explain what’s happened, I personally think the phone call every day thing is stupid but it’s policy and regardless of you being hysterical you should have just phoned. It’s not unprofessional to be hysterical down the phone about something like this. Your manager should have at least attempted to call you before going straight to disciplinary. Get to the docs, tell them everything perhaps ask them for a letter to give to your employer to explain your distress? Get your partner to call your manager? You could just call your manager and apologise, it’s a misunderstanding really and I don’t think he made enough effort to contact you and to try and understand what’s happened.

I'm so sorry about the complications in your pregnancy, OP. I hope your baby is ok.

I'm a manager. Our sickness policy states that employees have to call in sick every day when they're self-certifying, and that e-mails/texts are not enough. I do encourage people to comply with this policy whenever possible, but I can and do use my discretion in cases where that might be difficult. I think it's a shame that your boss has not shown more support and compassion.

Having said that, there is no law that requires managers to be nice, so the default expectation is that you follow the policy. You don't seem to have done so, and it is in your best interests to acknowledge this. I think Bluntness and others have given you good advice on this thread, and you would do well to heed it. All of the posts confirming that your boss is an arsehole might be more satisfying to read, but they are much less helpful.

I suspect the leniency shown was last week, where they have permitted policy to be broken and allowed when the op said she would not be in for last week. It was likely the not turning up yesterday and not communicating in any way that she wasn't coming in that drew them to act.

There can only be a certain amount of leniency as they then set a precedent for staff simply not to turn up, have no sick note when it's past self certification, and not inform them at all they aren't turning up, which sadly is what they faced yesterday.

I do think it's harsh, but there may be reasons for their behaviour, be it a history of staff taking the piss, or a fractious relationship with the op, or indeed only a certain amount of leniency permissible and the managers hands are tied.

OBVIOUSLY their policy needs leeway and sense applied.
You must phone every day in the first week? What if you are knocked down by a car?
Someone in my work had this situation. All we knew for the first day is she went to a&e no idea when/if she’d be back. Then got a message she was admitted. It was nearly a week before we got any proper info and much longer before any paperwork reached us.

Yes there is policy that has to be followed but most decent managers would have been a bit more human. Even if I was in the position where hr said I had to issue a dispclianary letter I’d have warned the OP, I’d have wanted to know she was ok and didn’t feel pressured into returning to work too soon. My best managers have been the ones that didn’t rigidly adhere to policy but used a bit of common sense.

bluntness I guess you work at a place with low pay, low skills and low employee retention?

In a company which values employees and trusts them, this doesn’t happen

Yes, I agree Bluntness. Having a bit of flexibility is important, but there is no point in having policies if they are just completely disregarded. That just leads to people taking the piss, and it can also create unfairness where different people are held to different standards.

Perhaps I've missed something but I'm a little unclear as to when the invitation to the disciplinary was sent out. If the OP failed to turn up for work on Wednesday, without any contact and having exceeded the 7-day period for self-certification, then is that what triggered the process?In that scenario, I assume that the invitation must have been sent by e-mail on Wednesday?

Our organisation still sends that type of letter by post to the employee's home address, so I had assumed that the invitation must have been sent on Tuesday. Given that this was the OP's non-work day, this would presumably mean that the meeting was prompted by the absences on Wednesday/Thursday last week, when the OP was still within the self-cert period, even though she failed to call in sick in accordance with the policy

If it's the first scenario, I think the employer's actions are not unreasonable, although personally, I'd have handled things differently. If it's the second scenario, it strikes me as rather harsh and heavy-handed, and an informal reminder of the policy might have been more appropriate.

No, actually I work for a large global corporation. Staff retention is excellent, as are the rates of pay. It's in a highly skilled field, where you pretty much have to have a first from a red brick to be employed there.

However that doesn't mean I do not understand the spectrum of different companies and the implications of both employee and employer actions.

All these people saying speak to HR, who do they think is behind the disciplinary? I’ve managed with a similar policy in place and it was always HR pushing for policy enforcement. In many cases people lost sickness pay because they didn’t follow the procedure, regardless of the manager supporting the employee. A manager also can’t brjng a disciplinary by themselves. This would have had HR involvement - even been led by them. Equally those who are saying the manager should have called the OP. No he shouldn’t! This is absolutely not allowed when someone is off sick. Workplaces will have strict policies on this.
You cannot have pregnancy-related absence used against you, but to be fair to the manager and HR, they haven’t been given them enough information because the reporting policy wasn’t followed. It’s not the mamager’s fault that OP was too upset to explain. With hindsight, perhaps getting a dr’s note sooner would have helped as they would not have requested a call every day. But hopefully you can get this moving forward, OP, which will give you the timeout you need, and remove any anxiety about contacting work to report absence.
Take a colleague to the meeting. They can’t speak for you, but they can support you. If you are in a union, contact them for advice and/or take your rep with you to the meeting instead of a colleague.
I know it’s easy to say, but please try not to worry OP. It is messy, but work will sort itself out, and you and your baby are the priority. x

Museumum, the policy of having to phone every day is a common one. Obviously if you physically can't that is different. Although it is rare that you have no one who can then contact your work for you.

I once rang in sick to my LM, only for her to deny I'd actually spoken to her...she later claimed I hadn't called in despite replying by text acknowledging my call. I now call and follow up with an email to cover all my bases.

Wishing you all best OP, and remember, it's just a job, your manager is a prize cunt, policy is just a bit of paper, it's not the law and enjoy your mat leave and don't go back x

Get in touch with ACAS and take someone to your appt. a trusted colleague or union rep.
I can see it from both sides. My work would be really hot on this absence-wise but you can text or leave a voicemail message. Then I would’ve followed it up with an email to manager to explain further - but I appreciate that each organisation has different absence policies. I think we have to contact daily in some form but def doesn’t have to be by phone call.
Go to the disciplinary, if you’re really upset they will see why you couldn’t have called. Hopefully they’ll have some compassion.,

I agree with Bluntness. It's a harsh way of implementing policy but it is policy.
I'm sorry you've had bad news OP. I hope your baby is ok.
Please go to the meeting next week. Take your husband, a friend or colleague and don't be worried about being upset at the meeting.

And agree that it is not necessary the manager who wants this policy enacted. I have been a middle manager in the public sector, and some of you are way over assuming the amount of power you can have in these positions with certain senior managers. It can be a shit job. Because senior managers tell you what to do, and the employees blame you.

It doesn't matter what happens in anyone else's workplace.
It doesn't matter whether you agree or not with what happens in the OPs workplace.
She knows and was reminded of her company's policy (which is very standard) and she didn't do it. Of course exceptions will be made for people admitted to hospital/with a doctor's note/unconscious/insert your own true emergency.

But unfortunately for the OP, being distressed and worried isn't seen as one of those reasons as it doesn't make it physically impossible to make that call.
It's a horrible situation for her to be in, and I've had to be that person in deep distress calling in (and in my case actually unable at that point to express what was wrong), as will many many people today, for various reasons, be it bereavement, breakdown, family trauma or whatever. But it has to be done

I've picked up messages from people whispering because they have no voice, and from people who are clearly anxious or upset. But they called because it wasn't physically impossibble to do so.