Being punished at work during a really difficult time

[Habbs]

28 weeks pregnant and having a difficult couple of weeks. Some issues were flagged up at a growth scan, I opted for an amniocentesis, no results yet but been told to prepare myself. I'm obviously devastated and have been a mess since it all happened.

I left work to go to the scan, with it being taken as an ante-natal appointment and to go back afterwards, obviously after getting bad news and spending a long time talking to the consultant I over ran until my office had shut.

I didn't sleep at all that night, I suffer from anxiety anyway and this just made me a complete wreck. I text my manager in the morning saying I wouldn't be in, just explaining I had some concerns with my pregnancy and that I was very upset. He replied saying "You know policy Habbs, sorry but I need a phone call" I didn't feel up to it but I know it's procedure so I rang, within 30 seconds I was hysterical which I know is embarrassing as a grown woman/supposed professional but I'm just a wreck with it all. I ended up having to end the call because I couldn't speak I was so upset. I text and said I'm so sorry, I'm really struggling to hold myself together enough to speak about it. No reply.

I had the amnio the next day, I didn't want to text again so I emailed his work address just to explain I was having an amnio, that I'm sorry for not being more professional and that once I knew more I'd be in touch properly. Thanked him for understanding and apologised for leaving the team short for the remainder of the week. No reply.

It's been a few days since, I've been home with DH just in bits. Every now and then it just hits me and I panic and cry. I'm barely sleeping and having a lot of panic attacks. Manager hadn't been in touch since and I thought it was understood that I was just having a few days to deal with everything.

I've had an email now with a letter attached about a disciplinary hearing for a week unauthorised absence due to 'lack of adequate contact' and it's really hurt me. I've never done anything like this before but I'm really struggling, I tried to speak to him and couldn't pull myself together enough. It just seems such insensitive timing to do this when I've got a lot on my plate waiting for results. I'm not sure what to do? I know companies have policies but surely for something like this you would give people a little bit of slack? I'm already so worried about my baby and now I'm worried about my job too.

People are being sticklers for rules and policies, without thinking that good managers who are in charge of good teams with high output actually show leadership and that sometimes involves flexibility and assessing situations like this. Not blanket policy following and instigating disciplinaries. I've never worked in an environment that would react this way, and they're not employers that would easily have the piss took out of them.

Bluntness you are the voice of sanity on a bonkers thread.

Yes, absolutely! However, I must say that this thread has been quite illuminating. It's easy to underestimate just how ignorant some people are with regard to employment matters.

People are being sticklers for rules and policies, without thinking that good managers who are in charge of good teams with high output actually show leadership and that sometimes involves flexibility and assessing situations like this.

I don't think anybody is actually arguing against a bit of flexibility and discretion in situations like this. However, all of the "boss is an arsehole, no decent manager would do this" comments are utterly unhelpful to the OP.

BarbadosBrenda It's you who needs to calm down and stop throwing out ludicrous advice such as get HR to bollock your manager. Do you seriously think that HR have not been involved in instigating this Disciplinary Process? Do you think HR would have stood idly by if they thought the process was incorrect and would lay the Company wide open to litigation being taken against them?

Bluntness the madness has truly descended and I hope that the OP is totally disregarding the overwrought suggestions from some posters on this thread, advice that would more than likely lead to the OP facing a far more severe disciplinary process if she heeded them.

I can see it from both sides.
Having recently suffered a miscarriage I had to phone in to say why I wasn't coming in. I cried down the phone and barely got the words out.
I self certed for one week but still had to phone in a non working day (just once that week) to inform whether I'd be returning the following week.
I then got signed off work for x amount of weeks and had to maintain weekly phone contact with my line manager.
So I do get that it's really hard, but I wouldn't even think of emailing/texting in.
HOWEVER I do think the manager is showing an utter lack of compassion and concern which is disgusting considering the circumstance.
Hope you're doing as ok as can be OP XXX

Honestly though how many managers would actually just leave it - she signed herself off to the end of the week - come Wednesday they were expecting her in and she didnt turn up.

Presumably the manager had gotten HR advice (because lets face it who wouldnt) and it is with their authority it has been sent out.

Whilst I feel for the OP immensely - she should have gotten a doctors note and sign herself off. At the very least been in some sort contact about this week

As Bluntness100 has said countless times the issue isn't the OP being off sick the issue is she is now well past being able to self-certify, has not been in contact and has no medical certificate so as far as her employers are concerned she is now AWOL and subject to the same disciplinary procedures as any other member of staff would be if they did the same. They can't just ignore it due to her circumstances as it would then set a precedence.

Someone in my workplace went AWOL like the OP follow a bereavement and same procedure straight to disciplinary hearing - result was final written warning on file for 18 months, They couldn't dismiss him as they hadn't stated in the disciplinary correspondence that they were treating it as gross misconduct or a dismissable offence.

OP I hope everything with baby turns out ok. If you do come back to this thread please read all of Bluntness100s posts and follow the good advise she has given you.

It’s actually incredible that anyone thinks the OP’s manager is being unreasonable. It’s been a while week and there hasn’t been two minutes where she was calm enough to phone up and say ‘look I find this hard to talk about, I’ll email the details but I can’t come in’? I’ve been through infertility, miscarriage, IUGR, prem birth. It is absolutely not the standard for women going through these things to be incapable of finding a minute over a week to contact their manager. So why would the manager be expecting her to be unable to do this? It’s not a Victorian sensation novel.

I’ve not read past the first Page of replies but check out pregnant then screwed on instagram, they offer advice on this sort of thing

What "sort of thing" ,

The chances of the manager acting in isolation here is beyond limited. This action of formal disciplinary will have been taken in conjunction with hr...not without their knowledge. And unless there is a back story it will simply lead to a worst case scenario of a verbal warning reminding the op of her commitments,

Some of the posts are not just not helpful, they are downright unhelpful and would make her situation worse and could even lead to her dismissal,,,. I'm not sure I've seen a thread with such terrible advice,.from go to the meeting and slate your manager, to Twitter it and shame them, to raise a grievance against your manager, to get hr to bollock your manager, and everything in between.

If the op actually pulled any of this shit she'd be screwed.

Ffs, it doesn't matter if her manager is being harsh, if he should show some discretion given the circumstances or if he being a jobsworth following policy. The fact is the process has been triggered and given the info from the op the manager may have legal grounds to do so. Folks might think it is harsh (and I agree it is) but feeling the op to ignore the meeting or charge in all guns blazing will just make matters worse. I have much sympathy for the op having gone through an amnio and eventually losing my dd1 neonatally due to her condition but all the best will and indignation won't save her job.

Op if you are still reading please look at bluntness posts (who probably needs strong painkillers from banging her head against the brick wall so many times)

'Op if you are still reading please look at bluntness posts (who probably needs strong painkillers from banging her head against the brick wall so many times)'

You do realise this is just a chat forum? There is no need to get so overly invested. Give your opinion like we all have that's fine but all the FFS and the sweet baby jesus comments are a bit silly. Bluntness isn't in charge .

OP the disciplinary meeting is unlikely to be particularly formal, it will just be "this is the process, we understand you were distressed but you still needed to follow protocol". I can't see you getting more than a warning. Presumably there needs to be an investigation meeting first anyway so it might not even get as far as an actual disciplinary, depending on their process.

I do wonder what they would have done if you had been in hospital though. Trying to contact you and find out what is going on would seem to be a more useful approach than jumping straight to the disciplinary process unless there is a backstory here of previous absence. Despite what others have said on this thread, I think that they would be hard pushed to defend their actions at employment tribunal if it got that far. Employers have to display a range of reasonable responses and I think a reasonable response is to call an employee's home if they have not turned up for work. Especially if you know they've had a pregnancy scare. Not rush straight to disciplinary hearings.

There is no need to get so overly invested. Perhaps you should take your own advice BarbadosBrenda?

I appreciate it's no skin off your nose if the OP takes your opinions and advice and ends up in an even worse situation, others would rather the OP avoided that outcome.

op how did the meeting go ?

@twitchticklingproblem

I work for the NHS and 2 long term colleagues got sacked recently for not engaging with the sickness disciplinary process.

Any larger organisation has people phoning in distressed unable to come to work for lots of reasons such as bereavement,they have attempted suicide, been diagnosed with cancer, had a miscarriage, etc etc.
These are not unusual circumstances as is being suggested.

How did it go?

FFS, I'm not even in the UK, but even I can figure out that she is not being disciplined for her pregnancy, but the fact she hasn't shown up to work for a week.

I was very suddenly taken to hospital in an ambulance just over 2 years ago and ended up in intensive care with sepsis. My husband called about 11am on Monday morning explaining just how ill I was and I remember getting several missed phone calls and voicemails saying I needed to contact work urgently as I hadn’t gone through sickness protocol. I was astonished I don’t even remember those days let alone be able to call anyone up. It actually made me so upset that I ended up looking for another job. Tbf when hr got involved my manager was told that what they had done was unacceptable and I was never held to account for not calling in due to being intensive care.

Sorry posted too soon. Some people Just have to follow the rules by the letter no matter the situation, I hope it is able to be sorted without any disciplinary action.

For all those berating the manager, he may have had no choice. I worked somewhere with a daily management huddle where each department reported on results, issues and staff absence. If he said op was off and he had no idea of return, his own boss may have insisted on him following the AWOL process.

Going AWOL from work is also not that uncommon.