Being punished at work during a really difficult time

[Habbs]

28 weeks pregnant and having a difficult couple of weeks. Some issues were flagged up at a growth scan, I opted for an amniocentesis, no results yet but been told to prepare myself. I'm obviously devastated and have been a mess since it all happened.

I left work to go to the scan, with it being taken as an ante-natal appointment and to go back afterwards, obviously after getting bad news and spending a long time talking to the consultant I over ran until my office had shut.

I didn't sleep at all that night, I suffer from anxiety anyway and this just made me a complete wreck. I text my manager in the morning saying I wouldn't be in, just explaining I had some concerns with my pregnancy and that I was very upset. He replied saying "You know policy Habbs, sorry but I need a phone call" I didn't feel up to it but I know it's procedure so I rang, within 30 seconds I was hysterical which I know is embarrassing as a grown woman/supposed professional but I'm just a wreck with it all. I ended up having to end the call because I couldn't speak I was so upset. I text and said I'm so sorry, I'm really struggling to hold myself together enough to speak about it. No reply.

I had the amnio the next day, I didn't want to text again so I emailed his work address just to explain I was having an amnio, that I'm sorry for not being more professional and that once I knew more I'd be in touch properly. Thanked him for understanding and apologised for leaving the team short for the remainder of the week. No reply.

It's been a few days since, I've been home with DH just in bits. Every now and then it just hits me and I panic and cry. I'm barely sleeping and having a lot of panic attacks. Manager hadn't been in touch since and I thought it was understood that I was just having a few days to deal with everything.

I've had an email now with a letter attached about a disciplinary hearing for a week unauthorised absence due to 'lack of adequate contact' and it's really hurt me. I've never done anything like this before but I'm really struggling, I tried to speak to him and couldn't pull myself together enough. It just seems such insensitive timing to do this when I've got a lot on my plate waiting for results. I'm not sure what to do? I know companies have policies but surely for something like this you would give people a little bit of slack? I'm already so worried about my baby and now I'm worried about my job too.

Policy be fucked, they're being utter arseholes.

I work in HR and I have got no problem AT ALL with employees texting or emailing, even though in our official company policy it says they have to phone. I really couldn't care less. No one takes the piss.

I get sick of working in HR sometimes, it's such a hotbed of bureaucracy and total lack of common sense and empathy.

Most sickness policies will say 'you must call in unless this is physically impossible' or something similar, which covers the lost voice/unconscious in a hospital bed scenarios people have mentioned. I have dealt with lots of sickness absence issues in my past life as a trade union rep and I think Bluntness has it spot on. The policy hasn't been followed, this has triggered the next step in the process. The best thing to do is engage with it as openly as possible, given the circumstances. Be honest, apologise if the rules have been broken, and definitely see the gp to be signed off. If you can take someone with you to the meeting with work, do so, even if it's just for moral support.

On a personal note OP, I can't imagine what you're going through, I really hope you get the best possible outcome with your little one.

This is outrageous. With the bank holiday and non working days you have barely missed any time at all, and your manager did not reply when you were in contact anyway. I would have expected a phone call when you didn’t show up to work if it wasn’t understood that you’d be off for the week. Or a reply to your email saying ‘I need you to call again tomorrow’ if that was the case. Not straight to a disciplinary right after a bank holiday!

FFS, I’m so glad I’ve only ever worked in normal places run by compassionate human beings where a pregnant woman sobbing down the phone would meet with nothing but concern and sympathy.

YANBU and your manager is an arse.

Op, go to the doctors and get signed off work with pregnancy related stress. Send a copy (electronic) to HR with email. This is the official route. Then attend the disciplinary meeting ( you can take someone with you). I had sever hyperemisis while at work and had a horrible bullying manager and did this exsact thing but it needs to be official op.

PS when I had some bad news recently I texted my boss saying I wasn’t up to coming in but would work from home and she replied immediately telling me to take the day and not to even think about trying to work. Because she’s not a prick.

They may be hoping to dismiss you rather than do maternity leave. This often involves being nailed for some breach of handbook policy (something you could do to probably 90% of good employees at a lot of companies, there is usually something if you want to find something). I would seek union advice if possible.

Lisa Simpson, my boss now would be like that, but I now work for a small company. Large public sector organisations rarely have the flexibility you think they should have. Generally they are a stickler for rules.

I'm sorry OP. Your boss may be following procedures but showing no compassion in the process.

Personally I would get signed off with either stress or pregnancy related issues - and stay off sick until the end of the pregnancy. They can't make you start maternity leave until 36w. You don't need this going on.

I would also write to HR with your account and tell them that your GP has advised a break to cope with what's going on, so you're unable to attend any disciplinary meeting until you return to work.

You said your boss is an arse. It is not reasonable to expect you to deal with this when you have so many other things going on. You need to prioritise you and your family.

Wishing you well & hope your results come back with nothing to worry about.

amandacarnet I work for a large public sector organisation and yes there are strict policies, but any manager I’ve had would still have called when I didn’t show up to work and would have replied to my emails. HR are another matter entirely but there’s no way a manager would have let it get this far.

I agree it sounds like he’s looking for a way to dismiss the OP on a technicality

Please do not take the advise to not attend a disciplinary meeting. This could well-lead to you being sacked. You do need to engage with this.

She doesn't need to be forced to attend a disciplinary whilst she is off sick though, that could prove detrimental to her if she isn't quite of sound mind

I'm so glad I have a union.

Lisa Simpson, I have worked in public sector organisations where yes as a manager I would have phoned. I have also worked in organisations where I have been told I cannot phone as that is seen as harassing the employee. Seems crazy to me, but I would not risk my own job by going against policy if I am being told I cannot do something.
This will be being driven by hr and probably a senior manager. And my own observation is that any hr people who exercised flexibility were managed out.

Not attending a disciplinary because you are too ill to attend, is not the same as refusing to engage in the process. You still need to communicate. And yes everyone should join a union,but many people don't.

@Habbs, get yourself looked after first and then deal with work. Hopefully you will have your results soon.

I think you have a manager who is following policy because they don't know what else to do. Managers, especially male, can get worried about putting a foot wrong with pregnant women ime. So they either toe the line 100% or they let the woman tell them what's happening to the detriment of the company.

Get yourself signed off at least until your results should be back.

Attend the disciplinary with all the information you have, copies of maternity notes and make sure you take an advocate. Even if it's your husband if you don't have a union rep or colleague who understands policy.

Continue to email in on a daily basis if you are unable to face a verbal conversation as it shows you are at least attempting to make contact.

In the company I used to work for, contact was every 3 days or so, with the line manager calling. Dh had to take urgent and unexpected time off. He called to let them know he wouldn't be in work and would be in touch when he knew more. Work sent a union rep and staff welfare rep out after a couple of weeks to see if there was anything they could do to help. We were incredibly grateful and dh ended up with 5 weeks compassionate leave rather than loose his job or have to take annual leave.

To be fair though he did seem to show some flexibility because arguably not phoning in on Weds probably triggered it. She signed herself off via phone and email for the remainder of the week (so Weds:Thurs) it was probably noted and fed through and then wait to see what happened Tuesday/Weds when they would have been expecting a doctors note or telephone call

Even the most compassionate of bosses would have to have done something on Weds (even if it was just an email) because at this point a doctors note signing off was needed (or at least a call)

How did you get on at the GP today OP? Any idea when you'll get the amnio results?

It's a difficult one.

However OP clearly hasn't followed policy. She only rang in once, hasn't properly communicated with work since, and is now way over the 7 day "self cert" time period.

Managers have to follow company policy, otherwise they can be criticised for favouring one colleague over another, or for discrimination. They could also get in trouble with their manager (or HR) if they're seen not to be following procedure.

the meeting can be postponed to enable you to get union to represent you. if no union take a friend. Get union or friend to write and say not available on that day and suggest another.

I'm sorry you're having a difficult time with your pregnancy.

As a manager however - I can see the other side too. I allow my staff to text me - but I have a small team that I am allowed to manage how I see fit. I am quite easy going but I would still expect someone to keep in touch. I understand you've had some upsetting news but you know you have to follow your companies protocol. Your boss might not be being an arse - we don't know what type of place it is - some are so tight on protocol that he could find himself in trouble if he doesn't insist on it being followed. I'm surprised that it has gone to disciplinary so quickly unless there is more to this - is this the first time you have done this?

OP this is an awful situation for you to be in, your manager should learn to be more sympathetic. You did your best to communicate and there shouldn't be one rigid system on how this is done. I'd take copies of the emails which he failed to reply to, which shows you did try to contact him.

I hope everything turns out to be okay and this is resolved.

Op, I really hope you've called in this morning as per your contract and not simply not turned up again.

As for the sympathy, I think this was shown last week. As said, I think it's the fact she didn't turn up yesterday, didn't communicate at all, and is now past the stage she can self certify that has prompted the action.

And agree, this will be being done with hr, thr manager won't be acting independently.

OP does need to engage with her organisation but if she is too distressed to attend a meeting then she can say she is not going to attend. It would be unreasonable to make her and legally incorrect to hear in her absence (without informing her and even if they did a tribunal wouldn't think this reasonable given the circumstances).

The manager would need to arrange an occupational health referral/GP letter to state that she is okay to attend. A tribunal does not look kindly on orgs that are totally unreasonable or that don't flex policy in certain circumstances - a distressed 28 week pregnant woman and forcing her to attend a meeting for breach of a minor policy would not be reasonable.

Call ACAS or contact a union. If HR are involved in this then they either don't have the full info or are totally incompetent.

OP just make sure you call in today (even if it's to a different manager or HR) and explain the situation.

Its not necessarily about how much time you have missed. Regular contact with your manager allows them to better plan around your
absence.

Employment regulation around pregnancy is so strict I would be surprised if he is acting independently on this. I'd make an effort to keep communicating with your employer.

I dont think your allowed to contact someone who is in the process of a disciplinary hearing I dont think. I'm a manager I would absolutely have sympathy and would have handled it differently however I would need dates of absences and a more clear contact of what was happening, both for your peace of mind and well being and for me to run the business appropriately. I probably would have told you to call me when you were calm enough and have had a proper conversation so both parties were clear on what was happening and offered more time of absence. I'm afraid a text and then a not so clear email would annoy me, to the point of disciplinary? No, but I have leeway to deal with staff how I see fit he may not.

bluntnessI guess you work at a place with low pay, low skills and low employee retention?

I don't think she does and neither do I. If it is policy, when you sign your contract you agree to abide by those rules. People saying the policy is ridiculous is not helpful.