Being punished at work during a really difficult time

[Habbs]

28 weeks pregnant and having a difficult couple of weeks. Some issues were flagged up at a growth scan, I opted for an amniocentesis, no results yet but been told to prepare myself. I'm obviously devastated and have been a mess since it all happened.

I left work to go to the scan, with it being taken as an ante-natal appointment and to go back afterwards, obviously after getting bad news and spending a long time talking to the consultant I over ran until my office had shut.

I didn't sleep at all that night, I suffer from anxiety anyway and this just made me a complete wreck. I text my manager in the morning saying I wouldn't be in, just explaining I had some concerns with my pregnancy and that I was very upset. He replied saying "You know policy Habbs, sorry but I need a phone call" I didn't feel up to it but I know it's procedure so I rang, within 30 seconds I was hysterical which I know is embarrassing as a grown woman/supposed professional but I'm just a wreck with it all. I ended up having to end the call because I couldn't speak I was so upset. I text and said I'm so sorry, I'm really struggling to hold myself together enough to speak about it. No reply.

I had the amnio the next day, I didn't want to text again so I emailed his work address just to explain I was having an amnio, that I'm sorry for not being more professional and that once I knew more I'd be in touch properly. Thanked him for understanding and apologised for leaving the team short for the remainder of the week. No reply.

It's been a few days since, I've been home with DH just in bits. Every now and then it just hits me and I panic and cry. I'm barely sleeping and having a lot of panic attacks. Manager hadn't been in touch since and I thought it was understood that I was just having a few days to deal with everything.

I've had an email now with a letter attached about a disciplinary hearing for a week unauthorised absence due to 'lack of adequate contact' and it's really hurt me. I've never done anything like this before but I'm really struggling, I tried to speak to him and couldn't pull myself together enough. It just seems such insensitive timing to do this when I've got a lot on my plate waiting for results. I'm not sure what to do? I know companies have policies but surely for something like this you would give people a little bit of slack? I'm already so worried about my baby and now I'm worried about my job too.

I would say its reasonable that you expected him to do the same again if he wanted you to call again
I would say that, since he told her she was required to call the first time, he was reasonable to think she understood that she had to call, and that an email was not acceptable. Being that she had already been told as much.

HeyDuggeesCakeBadge Thu 25-Apr-19 00:33:31
@twitchticklingproblem I am au fait with ACTUAL employment law. As in the law of the land - you are talking absolute bolllocks

And again I say you're talking shite = God forbid anyone asks you for advice. I'm going through a tribunal at the minute (as a witness) and have read the disciplinary with a tooth comb and you are WRONG. How dare you misinform people - you need to read up on current employment law, especially the NHS.

I have been to MANY tribunals and won every single one. How about have a look at any legal employment law site and even ask the NHS legal department (your legal bod dealing with your tribunal) their opinion on the matter stating exactly what OP has said and the advice I have given. I guarantee they will agree with me.

P.s the NHS doesn't have its own employment law - you literally have no idea about employment law do you? FFS.

I'm just a note-taker, but I have covered enough appeal panels to know that some people absolutely take the piss in terms of sick leave and appear to think that the world - and the organisation they are employed by - revolve around them and their specialness. Any manager who has had to deal with an employee who is a) always off sick with a sore foofoo or a bad dream and b) an understaffed, overworked team who have to keep providing cover for people who just send a text every two or three days before turning their phones off, is possibly going to be seen as a bit 'harsh'. Sometimes the wrong employee (ie the reasonable one who's hit a crisis) falls foul of this sort of thing. Sometimes the tiresome, lazy, self-obsessed employee gets hit disporportionately hard when that person is having a genuine crisis simply because they have been taking the piss for years.

Your boss sounds vile, totally lacking in compassion and a shit manager too, incapable of using his discretion.

You missed contact on ONE working day before today yet, despite the Easter break, he has already organised a disciplinary? Obviously that was set up immediately if the office has been closed yet you got the letter today.

The idea that you should have called in during your first appointment to say you wouldn't get back to the office is ridiculous; and you couldn't do so after the office had shut! Frankly some of the comments on here astound me.

I do think your DH should have rung in on your behalf but nonetheless, any decent company/boss would make allowances for you given the situation.

Whatever you do, do NOT resign. Get advice and go to the disciplinary meeting - have you got a close work friend who can go with you? If you break down, don't worry about it and make sure they bloody well know what a hideous time you're going through.

Very mixed advice here op and a lot of it terrible!
From my point of view, the contact last week is probably not the issue. Your line manager maybe did accept what you said and was waiting to hear from you how everything was! However, when it got to Tuesday, you didn’t contact him. That would send a red flag, that you had been absent for longer than self certification allows and you haven’t contacted him to say whether you are coming back to work or not. I know you are hurting but if the tables were turned and you had an employee who had dropped off the face of the earth for over a week, you would be wondering what was going on as well! If someone is let off with not following policy, that potentially leads to a minefield of problems. You think that you should be the exception, because you have had some potentially terrible news, Jimmy in accounts thinks that he should be the exception because his mum died. Anne in admin thinks that if Habbs and Jimmy don’t have to follow policy, because they are the exception, then she should be an exception too, because her neighbour died. Not being flippant, but that neighbour was Anne’s only friend and the most important person in her life, she doesn’t have anyone else.
A business can’t operate by its heart, it has to operate by its head. Once policy is allowed to blatantly be ignored where can a company draw the line? For what it’s worth, your line manager would have no choice other than to call a Disciplinary, but I expect it is just a tick box exercise in this case, so that procedure has been followed, in line with guidelines.
Prayers to you and baby that you get good news.

Yanbu at all. You tried your best to make contact. What an insensitive cuntwipe. Policy shouldn't always override compassion and common sense. Unless you have a habit of taking the piss, which you say you don't.

If there was no acknowledgement of the email could it be he didn't get/see it so from their side you didn't contact after the first phone call to say you'd be off that day?

I don't know anything about employment law and I'm so so sorry for the situation you are in, I hope your baby is ok and healthy

Well, your boss does sound as though he has the emotional intelligence and empathy of a mosquito. That said though, full communication is key, and a phone call giving a full explanation in person would have been best, followed up with an explanatory email just to leave no room for misunderstanding. You have to remember that you cannot really expect people's understanding if you haven't ensured that they are fully in the picture and unfortunately you were maybe rather too scant with your communication.

I am sorry you are going through this, but unfortunately it will be best to attend the disciplinary hearing.

Write a timeline of your email and text communications, plus the failed phone call which lead to you eventually sending these. Have written copies printed out where possible. Have your medical notes regarding your recent scan and amniocentesis to hand, plus anything your GP gives you tomorrow.

Take a union rep with you for support.

Good luck. I hope it goes well, and I hope the amnio results are reassuring when they come back.

I should say that I know you tried to make the phone call and it didn't exactly go well, but unfortunately you can't just leave it at that and assume that someone like your boss, who appears to have had an empathy bypass, will now understand.

Hope baby is ok OP. They are following policy though. As unfair as it may seem the policy is there for a reason. Hopefully they will be nicer at the disciplinary meeting xxx

What an awful way for them to treat you. They should be ashamed tbh I wouldn't want to work for a company with such a horrible attitude and lack of duty of care to their staff. Procedurally they may be correct but morally and reasonably not so. Depends how much you need your job but somethings are more important than work just try and get through this as best as you can.

Go to the disciplinary show then your distress make them squirm and feel uncomfortable show them up for the twats that they are. I hope all is ok with your baby good luck xx

Gosh some terrible advice here. And it seems to be emotion based.

It doesn't matter if the boss is a wanker. There is no law against being a wanker. It doesn't matter that the ops behaviour may or may not have been reasonable in some people's eyes. It doesn't matter if he could have chosen to use compassion. It doesn't matter if it's understandable or not. What matters is did she or did she not follow policy. That's it.

The bottom line is she is expected to call in when she is absent, and she is only allowed to self certify for seven days, inc holidays and weekends. She has not called in, not even made daily email or text contact, she has not given an indication of days other than saying she'd be off last week then didn't turn up again this week, again with no contact, and she is over thr seven days she can self certify for, and has no doctors note for her absence.

Where as I'm sure this will come to nothing, maybe just a warning to follow policy, without a shadow of a doubt they have her bang to rights. As unpleasant as it is, that's the simple facts of the matter.

So all the posts saying he's a wanker, or what people would have done if they were the manager, or what they think he should have done are irrelevant.

And op, you need to call in today. Yesterday was a working day. You had told them you'd be off last week, but didn't turn up yesterday with no contact from you telling them that. You can't do the same today. Explain you're going to the doctors to get a signed off. Hopefully back dated.

I know it's hard, but as per your contract and policy, you need to pick up the phone to your manager first thing this morning.

@Bluntness100 is giving very good advice here op. I'm so sorry that you're going through a difficult time. Yes they could have been more sympathetic and flexible with you but from the outset they indicated that they expected you to follow policy and you didn't. I hope the disciplinary will be more sympathetic and take your mental state into account, please ring in today and then go to the doctors and get a back dated sick note. Good luck!

I wanted to add, that once you get away from flu and chest infections, lots of people who have time off do so for very serious reasons. That isn't that unusual. This is why firms still insists policies are followed.

As pathetic as it may be I won't be able to make it through a disciplinary without getting embarrassingly upset. I'm not in the right frame of mind.

I think it would actually be the proof that you need if you sit there sobbing while just getting a word out sometimes in between sobs. It kind of proves your point. Stop thinking about having to sound professonal and composed, it's just not realistic while going through this.

Lots of people get upset at disciplinaries. That is not unusual.
I suspect they waited until the 7 days you can self certify and then when they heard nothing, sent this disciplinary. I doubt it will come to anything. Yes you need to go even if you are still off.

Mirrivan, yes unless you can not talk. Obviously if you can not physically talk you text and explain this. But it is irrelevant to this scenario.

Doubt it will come to anything but all they are doing is following the company procedure . As harsh as it is you a manager can't start picking and choosing and not following procedures . They would be open to discipline and also unless they treat everyone the same other people who are disciplined for similar could say they are being discriminated against.

I am very sorry about what you are going through OP.

However, I don't think your employer is unusual in expecting you to ring, and expecting that policy to be adhered to. In my first pregnancy I was admitted to hospital during the night, as an emergency, and was unable to ring work in the morning because it was in the days when you weren't allowed mobile phones in hospital, and I was stuck in bed and couldn't walk to a payphone. My husband kept in touch but when I got back to work, I had a lot of meetings with management and form filling to do, to explain why I had broken policy. I escaped disciplinary proceedings but only by the skin of my teeth because there was some debate as to whether my illness was pregnancy related or if it was an illness that I just happened to be struck with whilst pregnant.

Unfortunately if your employer has rigid policies, you have no other option but to adhere to them, even if you feel they are unfair.

CherryPavlova - thank god someone has some basic humanity on this thread. Policy my arse! She is a HUMAN BEING and sometime life doesn't follow policy. This sort of shit makes me furious. I bet she has gone above and beyond for their organisation many times.

I think everyone on this thread has empathy and humanity, but all the empathy and humanity in the world isn't going to help the op. It will not change the facts. It does not solve her problems.

Explaining that she has indeed broken policy and what to do about it, doctors note back dated, follow policy from now on, call in this morning, attend the disciplinary and explain all do help her.

Calling her manager a piece of shit and saying her company is appalling does sweet fuck all to help her.