Being punished at work during a really difficult time

[Habbs]

28 weeks pregnant and having a difficult couple of weeks. Some issues were flagged up at a growth scan, I opted for an amniocentesis, no results yet but been told to prepare myself. I'm obviously devastated and have been a mess since it all happened.

I left work to go to the scan, with it being taken as an ante-natal appointment and to go back afterwards, obviously after getting bad news and spending a long time talking to the consultant I over ran until my office had shut.

I didn't sleep at all that night, I suffer from anxiety anyway and this just made me a complete wreck. I text my manager in the morning saying I wouldn't be in, just explaining I had some concerns with my pregnancy and that I was very upset. He replied saying "You know policy Habbs, sorry but I need a phone call" I didn't feel up to it but I know it's procedure so I rang, within 30 seconds I was hysterical which I know is embarrassing as a grown woman/supposed professional but I'm just a wreck with it all. I ended up having to end the call because I couldn't speak I was so upset. I text and said I'm so sorry, I'm really struggling to hold myself together enough to speak about it. No reply.

I had the amnio the next day, I didn't want to text again so I emailed his work address just to explain I was having an amnio, that I'm sorry for not being more professional and that once I knew more I'd be in touch properly. Thanked him for understanding and apologised for leaving the team short for the remainder of the week. No reply.

It's been a few days since, I've been home with DH just in bits. Every now and then it just hits me and I panic and cry. I'm barely sleeping and having a lot of panic attacks. Manager hadn't been in touch since and I thought it was understood that I was just having a few days to deal with everything.

I've had an email now with a letter attached about a disciplinary hearing for a week unauthorised absence due to 'lack of adequate contact' and it's really hurt me. I've never done anything like this before but I'm really struggling, I tried to speak to him and couldn't pull myself together enough. It just seems such insensitive timing to do this when I've got a lot on my plate waiting for results. I'm not sure what to do? I know companies have policies but surely for something like this you would give people a little bit of slack? I'm already so worried about my baby and now I'm worried about my job too.

I have been there. I had a MMC at a 20 week scan, a sudden haemorrhage at 19 weeks followed by prolonged hospitalisation and a v premature baby.
I also couldn’t really speak to anyone so I emailed regularly. If you emailed 7 days ago saying ‘I will be back when I know more’ and then vanished, that’s not entirely professional, even if it is understandable.
Btw DH called my GP and took in my hospital notes and they were happy to sign a form and give it to him.

at the responses on here!

I get that people are supposed to follow policy, but the poor OP has phoned, when she wasn’t in a fit state to talk, then followed up with an email. But everything has got on top of her because of a shitty life situation!

As her manager, I’d have realised from the phone call that there was some pretty bad shit going on, have had that confirmed in the follow up email, then replied to say how sorry I was that she was going through a hard time, asked how things were looking, and gently reminded her that she’d need to update me on a daily basis, by text/email/call from husband if necessary, to keep me informed about what was happening.

for you, OP. I hope things turn out ok. Something similar happened to one of my best friends recently and her work couldn’t have been more supportive, which made a horrendous situation slightly more bearable.

I am sorry for your troubles but you should have followed policy. If you work for a similar organisation to myself you left them no choice. Your non working days would also count as ones where you made no contact.

I think your manager has been very unfair and has not used his discretion in this instance. Get a pregnancy sickness note because you are not fit to work due to your pregnancy. Email it to him and ask him if he wants you to call to confirm anything.

If he fails to reply that's inadequate contact.

*I'd be inclined to Twitter the fuck out of this one and publicly shame them

Is there a full moon tonight? The advice just keeps getting worse. That's also likely to get her fired.

People manager my arse.* yep its very common policy that employees of a company can not criticize that company on social media

Hugs OP, I have been where you are now. Waiting for amnio results are the worst and hardest days I have ever had to go through, every minute was utter torture and I was in no fit state to talk or leave my house. I wasn’t working at the time (thank god) so didn’t have the problems you have currently but really glad you are seeing GP tomorrow. It’s a massive shock to the system and without a doubt the worst experience I have had. I hope the results all come back ok

Was trying to be a bit vague in OP but it's already identifying. My working days are Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.

Monday - scan at 3.30, didn't return to work as appointment over ran

Tuesday (non working day) - text to explain what had happened, said I wouldn't be in (meaning that week) he said he needed a phone call so I rang him, albeit the conversation didn't get far

Wednesday - Amnio, emailed him and explained I'd had an amnio, sorry for leaving the team understaffed for the rest of the week, would be in touch

Thursday - No contact (thought was ok as had clarified not back in this week in prev email)

Friday - No contact office was shut as bank hols

Monday - No contact office shut bank hols

Tuesday - (non working day) no contact

Wednesday - Received letter about disciplinary hearing

Tomorrow had docs appointment to get signed off. It's not like I vanished for 14 days. It just seems so unfair.

OP I had an absolute bastard of a manager during my first pregnancy 10 years ago. This is the sort of shit he wouldve pulled and he once berated me for being 5 minutes late for work knowing full well I had morning sickness and sometimes had to get off the tube to vomit.

This was supposedly in a creative and relaxed media environment too!

I know posters are saying you should've called in and updated but he's behaving like an absolute arsehole.

They are being arseholes. There is lee way and discretion in every circumstance. They’re just choosing not to use it. You text, then rang, were understandably very upset and then you text again, then emailed to say you weren’t coming in for a week. And now you are getting signed off by the Dr anyway. What more do they want???

well op you have a problem then as the 7 days you can self certify for includes non working days and bank holidays

I'm so sorry OP
It could be as simple as they need to be seen to be following procedure with you.

I've instigated something for sickness in my company recently and whilst we are using discretion regarding any disciplinary action everyone who hits certain triggers point gets the same treatment.

If companies are inconsistent this opens them up to all sorts of issues.

Your manager is a dickhead. At the very least he needs some further training.

If I were you I would get myself signed off and email HR with a full account of what you have said here. If they are still insistent that you need a disciplinary hearing then go when you feel up to it, preferably with a union rep or at least with some support. Stick to facts.

Frankly only an utter dickhead would penalise you for this, so if they find against you I would appeal it higher up the organisation. I used to work in HR at head office for a big company. We frequently had people appealing disciplinary decisions made over petty procedural nonsense. Higher level staff tended to see the bigger picture and reverse these things.

For instance we once had an employee sacked by his line manager for failing to keep in touch during sick leave. The following day he died of cancer. Our director reversed the decision so that the guy’s family could receive the substantial death in service benefits.

It doesn’t seem at all fair given that you’ve actually only missed one day of work and as far as I am concerned you did call to tell your manager you wouldn’t be in. I can’t see any reason for a bloody disciplinary.

I think it’s good you’re getting signed off for a while, you need a break and to take care of yourself. I hope everything works out with your pregnancy

They were obviously expecting you to return to work today. You didn't return nor did you contact them. You should have made contact yesterday if you weren't planning on going back.

Sorry If I’ve missed it but what does your contract say about adequate contact? Does it say HOW you have to contact them? Mine says before the working day starts I have to contact them and give an initial view on how long you will be off, stomach bug, broken leg etc but doesn’t say how I need to inform them, call, mail, text

Appreciate all contracts are different

Greenlloon When my manager wasn't even in the office on the bank hols (and I don't have personal numbers, only work ones) I wouldn't have got far anyway. In previous absences when I have phoned in daily, I have never phoned in on my non working day and have never been asked to, it has never been an issue. What I've said I'm struggling with her is the lack of empathy in receiving and all you have commented is "well op you have a problem" "she didn't turn up to work for 3 days, that's bad" please read the facts before berating me. If I'm being unreasonable fine but you could be a tad more sensitive.

I always like to phone in out of hours, that way I can just leave a message and job done. Or not done.

You should have called yesterday but if your attendance record is otherwise good, actually they could have called you before sending such a letter. IMO and as an HR director I think their response is disproportionate. They are aware you are having a difficult pg and should be mindful of the Equality Act.

Your manager lacks compassion OP.

they are correct, you didn’t follow the absence reporting policy to the letter and they have then followed through with the policy outcome, an investigation meeting.

You can take someone with you, make notes, explain it all.

I’d ask to see the updated policy and handbooks, we recently changed ours to accept text/email as a form of communication - must be daily for the first 5 days/until signed off (5 calander days, not working days where we are)

My contract says that we're supposed to phone in each day we're off sick. In reality though, we tend to email, because we're all socially maladjusted weirdos that don't like using the phone at the best of times. If the office phone goes and a director isn't in, everyone looks at it slightly panicked, like a cat with a cucumber.

If I'd had a similar situation with my pregnancy, my bosses would have been more concerned with my welfare than ticking boxes.

Write everything down - document the contact you made - times content.

Anyone will see you made reasonable attempts in very difficult circumstances.

You might be too upset to speak so having it in writing will help.

I did this with the doctor once many years ago - really helped me get my message across while weeping.

Good luck with everything - I am sorry sorry a difficult time is being made worse

"Tomorrow had docs appointment to get signed off. It's not like I vanished for 14 days. It just seems so unfair."

What you have described is not 7 days, or less. You don't omit weekends/non-working days when counting.

Excluding the Monday that you didn't return to work (after your scan), you have now been off/self-certificating for 9 days.

You have not made arrangements to see the doctor for a fit-note until tomorrow, the 10th day of your absence.

You have not adhered to absence policy, in that (instead of phoning in every day) you have only phoned in once, and that was at your managers request. Far from phoning in every day, you have only actually made any kind of contact on two of the 9 days.

No one could even (again) tell you that you weren't following policy, because you haven't been making any contact with anyone, during which they might have possibly told you.

I am so sorry you are facing such frightening concerns about your pregnancy, but I don't actually think that it's surprising that the disciplinary hearing has been arranged. I don't think you can really argue with the facts, but hopefully (if you have an otherwise exemplary record) they will allow these extenuating circumstances and accept that (on this occasion) you became totally overwhelmed and confused in trying to follow policy.

I don't think many folks are denying your manager is being harsh here (esp given your update with respect to working days), unfortunately it doesn't mean he is wrong wrt breaking policy. The best thing you can do is get some advice (maybe ACAS) and try your best to a) phone in sick from now on so they can't use further examples against you b) attend the meeting and explain (admittedly not easy if you are still in limbo with your amnio). I suspect they will tread carefully to avoid any suggestion of pregnancy related discrimination (fingers crossed for you in all counts)

Many companies/schools etc won't accept email contact unless it's by PEC.
I've rarely seen such bad advice given on an employment thread. OP, get yourself signed off with stress (don't know what you can do about the awol days, that will have to be discussed with HR at the disciplinary.) Contact the union if you are in one.
Your boss has done nothing wrong. A line manager can't just not follow procedure because a member of their team hasn't!
An employee has been literally awol for 8 days now. The line manager will have reported it. Procedures kick in.

I would be going to the hearing to try and salvage the situation.