Being punished at work during a really difficult time

[Habbs]

28 weeks pregnant and having a difficult couple of weeks. Some issues were flagged up at a growth scan, I opted for an amniocentesis, no results yet but been told to prepare myself. I'm obviously devastated and have been a mess since it all happened.

I left work to go to the scan, with it being taken as an ante-natal appointment and to go back afterwards, obviously after getting bad news and spending a long time talking to the consultant I over ran until my office had shut.

I didn't sleep at all that night, I suffer from anxiety anyway and this just made me a complete wreck. I text my manager in the morning saying I wouldn't be in, just explaining I had some concerns with my pregnancy and that I was very upset. He replied saying "You know policy Habbs, sorry but I need a phone call" I didn't feel up to it but I know it's procedure so I rang, within 30 seconds I was hysterical which I know is embarrassing as a grown woman/supposed professional but I'm just a wreck with it all. I ended up having to end the call because I couldn't speak I was so upset. I text and said I'm so sorry, I'm really struggling to hold myself together enough to speak about it. No reply.

I had the amnio the next day, I didn't want to text again so I emailed his work address just to explain I was having an amnio, that I'm sorry for not being more professional and that once I knew more I'd be in touch properly. Thanked him for understanding and apologised for leaving the team short for the remainder of the week. No reply.

It's been a few days since, I've been home with DH just in bits. Every now and then it just hits me and I panic and cry. I'm barely sleeping and having a lot of panic attacks. Manager hadn't been in touch since and I thought it was understood that I was just having a few days to deal with everything.

I've had an email now with a letter attached about a disciplinary hearing for a week unauthorised absence due to 'lack of adequate contact' and it's really hurt me. I've never done anything like this before but I'm really struggling, I tried to speak to him and couldn't pull myself together enough. It just seems such insensitive timing to do this when I've got a lot on my plate waiting for results. I'm not sure what to do? I know companies have policies but surely for something like this you would give people a little bit of slack? I'm already so worried about my baby and now I'm worried about my job too.

Annual leave for sick leave would have not been the right thing to do at all in this situation.

It’s important that leave is counted under maternity related time off correctly as it by law needs to be separate from standard sick leave

I really think you should go in to the meeting. Take a trusted colleague for support. It doesn't matter if you cry. If you don't turn up, it'll look awful.

I'm so sorry they've been so insensitive. Sending huge hugs and well wishes for your results.
I hope the doctors can help and HR can help with a way forward. You don't need this worry right now.
Unfortunately we had to have an amnio and a TFMR with our baby boy in December so I really feel for you

(Not to scare you of course, our little boy had an extremely rare condition and it was detected by 22 weeks so a different scenario)

Your management has an obligation to acknowledge your attempts to get in touch

Do you know rhe op and the company she works for? Because your posts are confusing. They are raising a disciplinary for inadequate contact, which based on what the op has said is policy is correct. But You stated it was wrong and it was adequate. You've now followed it up with her management obligations. Do you know her? Or are you just posting how it would be if you ruled the world?

Op, I also think this is harsh treatment. What were your previous issues. As they have jumped hard and fast here.

You said in the op that you told them via email that you’d be in touch when you knew more, but had no reply.
Was that seriously the last communication you had with them?? A full 7 days ago?
Sorry, but you must know how unprofessional and unacceptable that was?

What’s the state of play at the moment, wrt your planned return?

Sorry, that was all questions...

In your shoes I would be
Getting yourself signed off with stress
Calling my union
Contacting HR and raising a grievance against your manager

Is it a large company ? Do they have an hr dept ?

Good practical advice from button. That should make them realise they can’t be messing you about like this

You can only deal with the situation you're actually in now, not the one you wish you were in. I am sorry for what you're going through. You need to take charge of the parts within your control - dealing with work - so you don't have to keep worrying about them. It won't fix the bigger picture, but it will reduce the stress you're under and prevent things getting out of hand.

Failing to attend the disciplinary hearing is not going to help - either in practical terms, or with your anxiety. It will just snowball and so will your anxiety (look at how you felt for having not made it into the office, you'll only feel an even more extreme version of that if you miss the meeting).

Get proper advice - call ACAS, it's free - and then attend the meeting. Ordinarily you would be allowed to take someone with you, but precisely who will depend on the policy normally.

There are things you can do here to salvage this. Please don't bury your head in the sand.

Contacting HR and raising a grievance against your manager

What grievance, she's in the wrong. As horrid as it is. The manager may lack empathy but it's his job to follow policy. You can't raise a grievance because he followed poilicy.

Blimey I think in OP situation they'd have a little sympathy and have tried to make contact rather than a disciplinary hearing because they didn't like her mode of communication.

Perhaps an email reminding OP of need to get certificate. Suggesting she rings before office hours and leaves a voicemail.

I hate all this policy over humanity crap.

I'm a people manager for a large global corporation.
We have a policy for literally everything, and the policy has to be adhered to at all times.
BUT.... I'm a good manager and I understand life isn't always black and white. I can't imagine what world I would have issued you with disciplinary notice in these circumstances. Managers always have discretion.
Speak directly to HR yourself then contact a union rep, or a friend with any HR experience.
Which company do you work for? If it's a large one, I'd be inclined to Twitter the fuck out of this one and publicly shame them.
Your post has made me so mad!!!!! If I lived near you I'd come and help you. Your manager is an absolute wanker

That seems harsh. We have to call in sick, then we call again when we are coming back. I don't see the need to call every day.

After a day or two we get a welfare call, but if we don't call back they don't do anything about it.

We are just booked sick until further notice.

Good practical advice from button. That should make them realise they can’t be messing you about like this its very bad advie she didnt turn up to work for at least 3 days thats bad.

You only went to the appointment yesterday, they’ve decided already on a disciplinary- it’s only been 2nd day!

You do need to attend the disciplinary I’m afraid unless you are genuinely unable to even though signed off sick. It won’t be nice but they will at least be able to see how upset you are. Just be totally honest with them and agree what you should do going forward.

My advice to your manager from an HR point of view after witnessing your distress would be to allow email/text updates as long as they were within the time policy. Of course that would be ok where I worked but your employer may not be flexible (ie HR may have no leeway).

As upsetting as your situation is, YABVU. Phoning your manager to let them know what’s going on is very basic, and as harsh as it may seem they are doing no wrong by inviting you to a formal hearing as you didn’t give them adequate contact.

Texts and emails are unprofessional and distant and unacceptable.

She can raise a grievance actually

I'd be inclined to Twitter the fuck out of this one and publicly shame them

Is there a full moon tonight? The advice just keeps getting worse. That's also likely to get her fired.

People manager my arse.

Are you a member of a union? Usually a union rep can attend a meeting with you so you could fill them in before hand and they could help if you get upset.

Also you may want to think about contacting HR beforehand, maybe by email, and explaining your situation to them. Request a postponement until the doctor has declared you fit to return to work.

It Sounds to me like your manager is out of their comfort zone and has resorted to a very literal interpretation of company policy to cover themselves. This is obviously not what is best in your circumstances but they may feel they have no choice, particularly if HR have been involved in the past and it did not go well for them.

Honestly you probably will have your knuckles rapped and that's it. I would attend though. It would look very bad not to.

it’s only been 2nd day! no its not from the op for a week unauthorised absence she also says first day text then call next day email then she says It's been a few days since, I've been home with DH just in bits 2 days plus a few days

Sorry you’re having a rough time OP.

I would get hold of the sickness and disciplinary policies immediately, OP. I’m surprised they jumped straight to formal letter without any prior contact - every workplace I’ve been in have had a gradual steps process at least requiring the manager to try and ring the person before any other action is taken.

Ensure they have followed their absence management policy to the letter; and make sure that it states in black and white in the policy that you must phone every day you self certify - agree with the advice of calling ACAS/your union as well.

I feel very sorry for you going through all this with your pregnancy OP, it's not easy.

But you've not acted well towards your employer. You are absent from a job you are paid to do - leaving them to cover and with no end date in sight. Your DH could easily have phoned in for you and explained, instead you've emailed which is against company policy. And you've not been in contact since.

I think you need to talk to ACAS about this, because at the moment, it's not looking good for you.

I hope all is well with your pregnancy.