Being punished at work during a really difficult time

[Habbs]

28 weeks pregnant and having a difficult couple of weeks. Some issues were flagged up at a growth scan, I opted for an amniocentesis, no results yet but been told to prepare myself. I'm obviously devastated and have been a mess since it all happened.

I left work to go to the scan, with it being taken as an ante-natal appointment and to go back afterwards, obviously after getting bad news and spending a long time talking to the consultant I over ran until my office had shut.

I didn't sleep at all that night, I suffer from anxiety anyway and this just made me a complete wreck. I text my manager in the morning saying I wouldn't be in, just explaining I had some concerns with my pregnancy and that I was very upset. He replied saying "You know policy Habbs, sorry but I need a phone call" I didn't feel up to it but I know it's procedure so I rang, within 30 seconds I was hysterical which I know is embarrassing as a grown woman/supposed professional but I'm just a wreck with it all. I ended up having to end the call because I couldn't speak I was so upset. I text and said I'm so sorry, I'm really struggling to hold myself together enough to speak about it. No reply.

I had the amnio the next day, I didn't want to text again so I emailed his work address just to explain I was having an amnio, that I'm sorry for not being more professional and that once I knew more I'd be in touch properly. Thanked him for understanding and apologised for leaving the team short for the remainder of the week. No reply.

It's been a few days since, I've been home with DH just in bits. Every now and then it just hits me and I panic and cry. I'm barely sleeping and having a lot of panic attacks. Manager hadn't been in touch since and I thought it was understood that I was just having a few days to deal with everything.

I've had an email now with a letter attached about a disciplinary hearing for a week unauthorised absence due to 'lack of adequate contact' and it's really hurt me. I've never done anything like this before but I'm really struggling, I tried to speak to him and couldn't pull myself together enough. It just seems such insensitive timing to do this when I've got a lot on my plate waiting for results. I'm not sure what to do? I know companies have policies but surely for something like this you would give people a little bit of slack? I'm already so worried about my baby and now I'm worried about my job too.

I'm so, so sorry about the baby news and I'm sending good thoughts that everything turns out ok.

That being said, you're in the wrong here. It's awful, I know. I had a miscarriage and had to call into work every day until I got a sick note a few days later. You know the policy, and the manager reiterated it to you on that first call. You should have called. After explaining the situation on call 1, the next days calls could simply be 'I am still too unwell to be in work today'. No need to rehash the situation or mention baby. And adding 'I'm still unwell, I have a GP app on x day' would have also helped.

I'm sorry, but the only way forward here is to apologize at the hearing. Its not pregnancy discrimination as they're not upset you're off sick, just that you didn't follow procedure, which is the same for everyone.

I've been the manager taking calls in an environment which only allowed calls (NHS). And the amount of times people would text or email with one excuse or another about how they couldn't call. They could. And it's hard to be lenient on one because then everyone wants the same.

As the phone call and informing your manager via the phone is company policy, can I just ask if you actually managed to have a conversation when you rang and spoke to your manager?
Several times you have mentioned the phone call didn't go well and you were obviously very upset. Did you actually manage to explain things at all or were you too upset to speak and explain things properly?
Also did you say that you needed to end the call due to your distress or did you end the call abruptly maybe causing your manager some confusion?
I do believe your manager has not been very empathetic to your situation but maybe the info you passed on during the phone call may not have been adequate if you struggled to speak/couldn't stop crying due to being so worried and upset.

No, you've never had to ring in sick when it's a non working day. But you do when it's a working day! Or you ring them when an appt overruns and you don't go back in!
The only people discriminated against would be the OP's colleagues if she weren't disciplined tbh!

It is also not the line manager's job to chase an awol employee. I expect he'd be accused of harrassing her if he had!

OP so that’s your contract, is there a separate policy you can get hold of? Because that wording definitely doesn’t say you have to call...

My comment was referring to the entire situation, not specifically to the sickness policy, it was just timing that my post appeared after Op's re the sickness policy.

Discriminatory because I don't know any males this situation has happened to.

I know this isn't the as bad at all, but in my work we have a stay home for 48 hours after the last time you had d and v. I phoned on Tuesday and I still had to phone weds and Thurs, even though I wasn't even allowed to go back to work

It is also not the line manager's job to chase an awol employee. I expect he'd be accused of harrassing her if he had!

Welfare check when some one doesn’t turn up for work and doesntreport in to say why?

Discriminatory because I don't know any males this situation has happened to.

What? Any male that didn’t report in sick per the policy would be invited to a meeting?

Honestly people going on about 'policy', it might be policy but policy is enforced by humans and at the end of the day that manager is a nob when OP made it perfectly clear that she couldn't come to work. A little kindness and flexibility wouldn't go amiss instead of blanket robotic policy adherence. This didn't have to be taken to the level it has been taken and to send a disciplinary letter out is beggars belief.

I know your employers aren't supposed to care about you, but managers are supposed to show a bit of god damn leadership and this sometimes means showing a bit of compassion. If I don't turn in, people coukd literally come to harm because it means my team having to take on an extra 5 patients each. But if I were in Ops position, my manager would have probably been knocking on my door by now to make sure I was okay. Not sending me disciplinary letters.

I'm so sorry that you've got this worry about your baby. I hope it all turns out to be ok.

It does sound like you've gone into panic mode and run away from the whole work situation - that's classic anxiety behaviour. It will be fine - it really will. Get signed off and put it to one side for a bit. Don't do anything rash like hand in your notice.

I don't understand the obsession with phoning in sick either. Luckily my current manager is fine with a text or email but in previous roles I felt like I had to disturb managers with a pointless call and 'sound sick' even if the problem was a broken foot or a tummy bug!

Haventgotallday my scan was at 3.30, funnily enough after a near hour long scan when I spent an hour and a half falling apart in a consultants office being told in the third trimester that my baby might not make it and trying to decide whether to go for an amnio or not my first thought wasn't "wait let me check the time and ring my boss"
When I left the appointment after it finished at gone 5 my office was shut, my manager was gone. I only have his work number which he turns off after 5. I text him the next morning despite it being my non working day to explain what had happened. Mind blown how many people on here seem to expect you to be able to focus on following policy so extremely when your entire world is falling apart. But here in the real world it's not always that fucking easy and if you're a manager you should be a little bit open minded to that.

and this is why I said I'd stop posting. But Jesus.

Sorry this is shitty behaviour from a very un caring boss... at a guess I assume boss is young and doesn’t have kids?? no excuse but maybe your very anxious and hysterical self is not a good fit for this work place , if hey valued your work they wouldn’t be doing this sorry to worry you further but your boss dose not like you very much really and after Mat leave you should maybe shop around for s nicer work environment

You hate the job anyway. Quit.

This is what ACAS says. * Unfavourable treatment

Employees are protected against unfavourable treatment because of pregnancy or maternity. This means an employee or job applicant must not be disadvantaged because of their pregnancy or maternity. For example, they must not:

be subjected to unfair treatment because of pregnancy or maternity suffer disadvantage because of pregnancy or maternity through the employer's policies, procedures, rules or practices suffer unwanted behaviour because of pregnancy or maternity.

There is no need for an employee to compare treatment to how someone else is treated.

This protection also means that treatment which impacts on an employee negatively because of pregnancy or maternity may be discriminatory even though other staff are treated the same way.*

As I said, the way Op is being treated is directly related to her pregnancy. It is worth having a chat with an employment lawyer specialising in discrimination.

Goes without saying really hope your baby turns out to he healthy xxx
I’m sure even the H .R perfect policy followers on here wish you well too even if they are not sounding like it right now

Bless you. What an awful worry for you. I really hope all will be well for you & your baby. Try not to think about work. I’m so surprised at the lack of compassion in workplaces & im people’s comments here. Policies like this are utter tosh. Being human & showing kindness is such circumstances is what is needed. All the very best to you & your baby.

Much as policy and legislation has changed in so many ways to accommodate pregnancy/childbirth/childcare - in so many more ways 'mentality' and 'culture' have yet to catch up.

You have to be a bit stronger OP if you want to appreciate any more rights - most of these 'rights' are found in the public sector, who funded by govt, have to follow them. Some private sector companies excel beyond the legislative minimum, but most follow the lowest that they can - coz that's business and they won't make as much money if their workers have too many rights.

It's hard to be strong and a fighter when you feel completely crappy - but when you see your little 'buzz' - you get mum-strength. And suddenly all priorities change.

Hope the scan goes well, I think statistically there's a very good chance you have nothing to worry about. And unstatistically too.

Some of the response on here are a bit 😯 shocking and very harsh!

He knows why you aren't in. Why would he need a call everyday for you to tell him the same thing. I would be absolutely fuming. What an uncompassionate prick. He cld have responded to you saying that you needed to call in again. You could have then got a relative to call if you were too upset.

I've had ppl in my team have miscarriages. They didn't call in every day 🤷🏻‍♀️ they called and told us what was happening and said they wouldn't be in for a while but would keep us updated. Doctors lines came after they had self certified for the first week. The updates were usually a text once a week or so. Our policy in the handbook is also to call everyday. There is following policy then there is common sense.

Sounds like you maybe should have had a doctors certificate by now but for all they know u cld have sent it in the post. They have not tried to make contact with you either.

See if your doctor can sign you off and write to your HR dept disputing not being in contact. Saying you had spoken with him but given the circumstances found it very difficult to speak about but he knew why you weren't in and you had contacted him. You were never going to back at work within a day or so.

Also, I hope everything is ok with your baby, I really for you and I honestly can't believe how your employer has treated you. Try not to get too worked up about your work, you have enough going on.

Dear @Habbs so sorry for you, both your upsetting pregnancy situation and your terrible manager.
I'm a line manager & last year had an employee get v bad news late in pregnancy. We have similar sickness policies in my workplace, however! I accepted a text from her, post her scan, as notification that she was not going to be in and used my cop on to immediately plan that she may be out for a few days for further tests. And possibly weeks if the bad news was confirmed. I kept in touch with her via text, understanding that she would not be up to talking & holding it together.
I contacted HR on her behalf & ensured we offered her every support possible & that she wouldn't be red flagged on absences BEFORE any Dr note was received.
That's what your manager should be doing for you!

That said - you have received some good advice here (along with the bad & unkind )
Yes, attend the meeting
Yes, write down what you want to say at the meeting - you're likely to get upset and be able to say what you need to
Yes, bring someone with you - a trusted colleague, union rep, friend, spouse. For support or even to read out your notes if you cannot
Yes, bring proof of the contact you made & your manager's lack of reciprocal contact

Good luck op - with your tests, I truly hope it works out for you. And like pp said, HR & senior management will see the foolishness & heartlessness of this DA

I am so sorry you are going through this.

I don’t understand the “no contact” but. You let them know you wouldn’t be in. It’s fucking obvious you are having a nightmare and your boss didn’t even reply! I’m sorry but I think he is behaving appallingly.

I am so sorry you are going through every pregnant's woman's worst nightmare especially at this stage of your pregnancy. Your manager is awful, I think if I was in your boat I would contact hr and then go to the meeting even if I was a blubbering mess which I definitely would be in your position. I think it will show your manager up for being the man he is. I wouldn't worry about your job, I hope it all works out for you op

So sorry Habbs. Ok you didn’t adhere to policy but you’re human and not a robot. I think you’ve been given some good advice but also some bad advice. Take a break from here as some people are being insensitive wankers and look after yourself. See your GP tomorrow for some support and to get signed off.

Hi OP,
Don’t decide to leave in haste. Will you miss out on maternity pay above the legal minimum if you leave. Did you like your job before the issues with your manager?

I don’t know the details of your previous issues but perhaps at your meeting you could suggest that you feel due to this and the previous treatment that you have alluded to that your relationship with your line manager has broken down and ask if it is possible to be moved to another team/department.

I agree that your workplace will likely want to be careful due to being accused of pregnancy discrimination so they are likely to just advise you that you must follow the procedure in future. I.e. if they dismissed you they could be accused of deliberately applying their policy strictly in order to get rid of someone whose pregnancy is inconvenient for them.

I agree if someone from the union can accompany you this is also likely to make your employer wary. If you are not in the union find out if someone else is allowed to accompany you and what the rules are (e.g. they may not be allowed to speak for you). Ask for the policy/procedure for these meetings. I agree that writing down your points and the timeline might be very helpful if you are too upset to stay calm and make your points. Ask if you can submit a written statement.

If the policy makes no mention that a manager should use their discretion in applying the policy when dealing with immediate trauma and bereavement then suggest it is amended to say so - as some managers obviously don’t have the common sense to do so themselves.

If you don’t feel up to going and you get your sick note let HR know you are not well enough to attend and ask for it to be rearranged at a later date.

Good luck with work (and your pregnancy)