To think she shouldn't have stayed away with DD?

[rostronlorn]

DH is working at sea so it's just me and DD 18 months at home. MIL arranged to take DD and her 2 other grandkids (4 and 7) to an adventure farm type place on Easter Saturday for an Easter Egg hunt event. There was also a petting zoo and face painting etc. I originally was going to go along with them but am 5 weeks pregnant and experiencing awful sickness. DD was bored with me unable to take her out so when MIL offered to take her anyway I said yes.

The adventure park is a 2 hours drive away. The reason she chose this and not somewhere nearer is because it is owned and run by her close friend. MIL doesn't drive and got the train. She picked up DD at 9 to catch the 9:30 train. I was told they'd be catching the 5:30 train back and DD would be back at 6. As soon as she picked DD up I went back to bed. Around 5 I get up and everything seems fine, MIO has sent pics etc. Expecting DD back in less than an hour I decide to make a start on our tea. Then about 5:45 I get a frantic text from MIL saying she'd missed the train. It was the last train of the day. She wasn't willing to ask a family member for help and claimed she didn't have any money for a taxi which I found somewhat odd. Despite feeling like shit I offered to go and pick them all up and she insisted she couldn't allow me to do that. I said it was fine etc, it didn't matter because it was my DD and she hung up.

She phones 10 minutes later and says her friend is coming to get her and they will stay the night at hers and come home first thing. I still insisted on getting DD but she said "No. Get some rest. Will have DD back by lunchtime tomorrow." I rang SIL and she seemed fine about what MIL waa doing. I couldn't pick my DD up as I didn't have the friends address. I went to bed thouroghly pissed off because I saw from the photos that DD's clothes got muddy at the farm and I hadn't packed enough nappies for an overnight.

She returns DD at 1pm (she said between 11-12) and acts like it's no big deal. I did make an offhand comment to her that I found it a bit uncomfortable that my toddled spent the night in a house with people I have never met and that I would've been happy to come and collect them all or pay some of the taxi fare for them so they could have come home that night. MIL has been quite funny about it and said she won't be so keen to take DD out in future. AIBU?

also, please tell me how you supervise your 18mo while you are asleep?

I use my baby monitor when I am in bed, and when DS is in bed, I don't leave him to play and switch it on.

"No NK, MN isn't anti MIL at all". Meanwhile...

...or are you a MIL and therefore always right?

Brilliant

I am truly astounded at the number of posts defending your MILs underhand behaviour. Can’t help but wonder what responses would look like if this was an ex husband unilaterally deciding to keep a baby away from its mother nearly a day longer than agreed?
I’m with you OP, much as I’m sure your child was perfectly safe with her grandmother and cousins, there would be a distinct lack of trust going forward. This wouldn’t be easily fixed for me at all.

where an otherwise responsible grandmother deliberately misses the train so she can have her grandchild overnight but suddenly becomes a drunken, careless, abuse enabler at sundown!

You don't know for sure if she's otherwise responsible.

She didn't purposefully miss the train to have her Gc overnight; she purposefully missed the train to socialise with her friends.

The fact that she did that knowing it would inflict uncertainty and stress on op,band take away her choice; implies she's not actually all that responsible or decent.

Obviously you have a bad relationship with your MIL I’m presuming PlantPot and are projecting your frustrations here? I definitely don’t agree that MILs are always right, some of them are terrible from what I’ve read on here. But I don’t necessarily think that this one wouldn’t have taken good care of her grandchildren just because she had them overnight.

It also inflicted lack of familiarity, both of place and people - and separation from her mum on an 18 month old .. again, not suggesting she'd very responsible or decent.

An ex husband isn't a comparison unless you're on great terms with your ex!

*She's

“You don't know for sure if she's otherwise responsible.“
As I have said repeatedly. The OP was happy for her to take the child on two 2 hour train journeys with two other children and spend the day at a farm park. The OP would not have allowed this if the grandmother was not responsible.

She might be the most safety conscious mother in law in the whole world but that still doesn't make it right that she wouldn't tell the OP the address.

Ask her for the train ticket for your DD’s memory box.

I think a lot of people who wouldn’t mind/care about this are forgetting you mind, you are the parent, the final decision is yours. This is the kind of stunt my mother would pull and she’d gaslight me until it seemed I was unreasonable and stupid to mind so much. And I would call the police on her. MIL wouldn’t do this if I expressly said no

im not anti MIL, I don't mind my MIL, but it seems by this thread that MIL was just being generous and all hail MIL because she was doing a nice thing. Meanwhile back in real life....

I was being facetious with the peedo spelling

My comment had absolutely nothing to do with they way you spelt the word, not sure how spelling it wrong makes it facetious though .

I do think this one was irresponsible and wrong in her decision to deny OP knowledge of her childs whereabouts.

Even if she genuinely missed the train, thought she was being nice by saving op the drive (and I get that) not telling OP the address was bang out of order.

'Inflicting separation from her Mum on an 18 months old' Oh give me strength!

If she wanted you to have a child free night to rest, she should have told you. I wouldn't mind my MIL having DC overnight but I'd want to know in advance and where they were staying.
If she did miss the train why didn't she let you know where they were staying/ what the arrangements were. To reassure you if nothing else.

I don’t think it’s a case of whether the child would’ve been taken care of or not. It’s the fact that it’s not MIL’s decision to make. Should have told OP the address then OP could’ve decided whether to go and pick her up or send a taxi or let her stay overnight.

I really wouldn't have been happy with anyone taking my 18mo anywhere with two other children on their own, nevermind 2 hours away and by train! My daughter wouldn't have been in the situation in the first place to not be returned home that night and i can understand why you'd be furious...she's not at a very good age to be somewhere she doesn't know and without her main carers

And what you're not getting - repeatedly - is that a. That didn't include giving her responsibility for an overnight stay 2 hours from op with people she doesn't know, and drinking to boot.

And b. I wasn't even referring to what op thinks of her and how responsible she is, i was referring to how responsible she may or may not be (,away from ops gaze and knowledge) in general; from what she's done here - she sounds like an irresponsible, deceptive, selfish, manipulative, necky beeatch to be quite honest.

I can totally see why you're annoyed, I would be too. That said, I'd have total confidence in my MiL to look after her grandchildren and keep them safe so I wouldnt worry on that score. Hopefully you feel the same about your MiL.

Oh and believe me, I know sickness...I'm due next Tuesday and I've been sick every single day of this pregnancy but at 18 months old I still absolutely wouldn't have let her go unless she was the only child. You have to have eyes at the back of your head with just the one to look after

'Inflicting separation from her Mum on an 18 months old' Oh give me strength!

It's not strength you need.

OK. Let’s assume that missing the train was genuine.
Which is the best and safest option?
2 hour taxi ride with no car seat?
Poorly OP driving a 4 hour round trip?
Or spending the night with friends of grandma’s and getting the train back in the morning.

That’s up to OP not up to grandma.

OK. Let’s assume that missing the train was genuine.

But that assumption is the less likely of the two scenarios, op doesn't even believe it.