To think she shouldn't have stayed away with DD?

[rostronlorn]

DH is working at sea so it's just me and DD 18 months at home. MIL arranged to take DD and her 2 other grandkids (4 and 7) to an adventure farm type place on Easter Saturday for an Easter Egg hunt event. There was also a petting zoo and face painting etc. I originally was going to go along with them but am 5 weeks pregnant and experiencing awful sickness. DD was bored with me unable to take her out so when MIL offered to take her anyway I said yes.

The adventure park is a 2 hours drive away. The reason she chose this and not somewhere nearer is because it is owned and run by her close friend. MIL doesn't drive and got the train. She picked up DD at 9 to catch the 9:30 train. I was told they'd be catching the 5:30 train back and DD would be back at 6. As soon as she picked DD up I went back to bed. Around 5 I get up and everything seems fine, MIO has sent pics etc. Expecting DD back in less than an hour I decide to make a start on our tea. Then about 5:45 I get a frantic text from MIL saying she'd missed the train. It was the last train of the day. She wasn't willing to ask a family member for help and claimed she didn't have any money for a taxi which I found somewhat odd. Despite feeling like shit I offered to go and pick them all up and she insisted she couldn't allow me to do that. I said it was fine etc, it didn't matter because it was my DD and she hung up.

She phones 10 minutes later and says her friend is coming to get her and they will stay the night at hers and come home first thing. I still insisted on getting DD but she said "No. Get some rest. Will have DD back by lunchtime tomorrow." I rang SIL and she seemed fine about what MIL waa doing. I couldn't pick my DD up as I didn't have the friends address. I went to bed thouroghly pissed off because I saw from the photos that DD's clothes got muddy at the farm and I hadn't packed enough nappies for an overnight.

She returns DD at 1pm (she said between 11-12) and acts like it's no big deal. I did make an offhand comment to her that I found it a bit uncomfortable that my toddled spent the night in a house with people I have never met and that I would've been happy to come and collect them all or pay some of the taxi fare for them so they could have come home that night. MIL has been quite funny about it and said she won't be so keen to take DD out in future. AIBU?

And yes, I would have fallen into the twitchy camp. But not the paranoid fantasist camp, where an otherwise responsible grandmother deliberately misses the train so she can have her grandchild overnight but suddenly becomes a drunken, careless, abuse enabler at sundown!

Granny of the year or not, the dd didn't have her dm..... Wasn't for dgm to decide she was being kept from her. ..

As much as it worried you, they had a good time, your mil's friend is obviously a good person to even allow your mil to stay with lo's in tow etc. Sometimes we have to trust people and accept things happen. Would I be worried, yes, would I be angry, no.

You forgot “getting drunk and skinny dipping in the hot tub” Moralitym1n1.

sauce by ignoring what I am saying, you're making yourself look stupid, not me.

How have you overreacted op? You showed her you weren't happy at what happened, she's only a mil, not someone who must never be questioned ever.

The ins and outs of safety etc are not the issue here, you asked for the address and she was being a dick about it for no reason.

You told your MIl you have morning sickness when you’re only 5 weeks pregnant? —misses point of thread—

Ignoring which bit?

But not the paranoid fantasist camp, where an otherwise responsible grandmother deliberately misses the train so she can have her grandchild overnight but suddenly becomes a drunken, careless, abuse enabler at sundown!

Noone needs to be 'drunken' to have impaired judgement and sleep more soundly, doesn't take much, depending on many factors.

Abuse enabler implies intentional - how many parents, grand parents etc do you think knowingly, intentionally enabled the abuse their kids and grand kids suffered?

Jesus wept! You can have all the safety equipment in your house but you can never ensure that a child won't have an accident, ever

no, you cant, but you can try and prevent accidents by using simple safety measures like baby gates, monitors, bed guards etc.

Tell you what, we didn't used to have seatbelts in cars either. We survived didn't we? Lets go back to that! Stupid stupid point you're trying to make.

we don't need safety measures because you cant prevent all accidents, yeah but surely you prevent the ones you can - not doing that is bordering on negligent.

You forgot “getting drunk and skinny dipping in the hot tub” Moralitym1n1.

I didn't see any mention of a hot tub.

If I had if obviously have added drowning risk to my litany :P.

the issues I would have, I don't think she loses her mind at midnight. I think these are things the parent of a small child would think of, that a grandparent either wouldn't think of, or would be far more lax about.

*I'd

The weird assumptions here are so ridiculous!

So, the OP is fine with GP taking her DD and her cousins out 2 hrs away for the day but as night falls...

GP is:
Shitfaced
Has "cuntish" behaviour
Lies
Leaves GD at top of stairs while drunk in bed
Leaves GD in a room with a paedo

Jesus Christ...no MN isn't anti MIL/GP at all!

I would have been so upset. Decisions about where our son sleeps are ours. I wouldn't want him staying with people who were strangers to me and it wasn't up to the MiL to decide to withhold the address to prevent OP driving to collect.

PlantPotParrot the OP has said that she thinks there would have been equipment there as the friends have grandchildren of their own. So for all you know there was a cot and safety gates there.

Certainly not naive. I’m just not someone who thinks that every man is a potential peedo.

Well why would you? Actual peados have PEADO tattooed on their forehead.

the issues I would have, I don't think she loses her mind at midnight. I think these are things the parent of a small child would think of, that a grandparent either wouldn't think of, or would be far more lax about

That’s your opinion, it doesn’t make it fact.

I was being facetious with the peedo spelling 🙄

Oh and FYI- Baby Monitors are for convenience not safety- a Baby Monitor is not a substitute for responsible adult supervision.

Well why would you? Actual peados have PEADO tattooed on their forehead.

They all have dirty clothes, scraggy beards, a shifty look, are single and have trouble holding down a job too.

Barring any huge backstory, I think YABU and you're overreacting. It sounds like MIL just did the practical and sensible thing. I'm sure it was better all round for your DD to spend a night with her nan and some friends than for you to drive four hours when you feel like death warmed up.

yes after I had made all my points, I cannot read minds sauce!

I would have less of a problem if I knew those issues would be sorted, however I still wouldn't be happy about it at all!

I am not saying the woman is incapable, i'm saying she's potentially very irresponsible (all the time, not just at night!) and to be honest my child wouldn't be going out with her unaccompanied ever again.

Nobody else gets to decide where my child sleeps except me or DP.

What and your opinion is fact Sauce or do you just know better? or are you a MIL and therefore always right?

well i'd say using a baby monitor whilst outside, is more responsible than not using one wouldn't you

She is your child and NOBODYtells you what they are doing with your child...you tell them even if it causes a stir...I would have been furious...don't blame your hormones...you have every right to be angry...who the hell does she think she is?