For not wanting to holiday abroad?

[chocolatelog]

Myself and 4 out of 5 of the children haven't been abroad. We don't even have passports.

Dh and the 3 oldest all want to go on holiday this year. Dh has found a holiday for 10 days in Spain and is pressuring me to go but I've got zero interest. My eldest (17) has been with her friends family so she's got the bug and is begging me to go.
A part of me feels like I should go because before long the kids will be older and won't be interested in going with us, but I just can't be bothered with it all. I filled in one passport form and that was enough to make me go 🙈 it took 5 attempts at getting it wrong, so the thought of filling in 5 people's worth is enough to put me into an early grave!

The two youngest are 5 and 2 and I feel like it won't really be an enjoyable experience for me, dh is very hands on with them but I'm a stress head and get into rage pretty quickly 😬

Plus the money for passports and the actual holiday for 7 people makes me think we could use it for better things, we both need a new cat each and I'm thinking I'd rather those than a pissing holiday 🤦🏻‍♀️

I don't know if my attitude to it all is because I've never been abroad, I'm quite happy to spend a week in Cornwall or Dorset or anywhere else that this country has to offer. The thought of flying and watching the kids like a hawk just doesn't appeal to me in the slightest. Is it a case of what you've never had you never miss? Or should I just put my happy face on and agree to going?

So don't go on a plane, look for somewhere you can drive to or catch a train/ferry to.

Don't want to be stuck somewhere you don't speak the language? Go somewhere that has English as a second language/common tourist language in case of an emergency. Then get everyone to learn some basics.

Walks on holiday are far more interesting than walks on home, especially when there's a promise of an ice cream/treat at the end. There are tons of free resources online for kids - treasure hunts, kids guides to particular cities etc. Get them excited.

Memories won't pay the bills, no. But experiences do help shape a person's character. They can make a child curious about the world, want to work hard to save up and explore more. It's healthy to learn coping strategies when you are outside of your comfort zone. It can expose people to new things, new foods, new weather, new anything!

If you are setting yourself up to row for the week then I just don't understand why you are together at all. It just sounds so weird.

I know I won't. I suggested to dh about him taking the kids but he wasn't having any of it 🙈

Right, so he wants to force you to go because he CBA'd with taking them himself. Is what he has in mind one of these so-called holidays where you stay at the villa looking after the toddlers and young ones, cleaning, cooking and organising kit whilst he swans off with the older ones to do fun stuff, re-appearing at dinner time to sit down and tuck in?

Personally, we love hols abroad and here. We tend to take a long one abroad and two shorter ones in the UK (we're planning to go to Northern Ireland for one of the shorter ones this Autumn).

But we work as a team. Even when ours were younger we always shared the planning and legwork and parenting.

How does it work with countersigning photos and online passport apps? I haven't done a minor renewal in years (2 of mine will need 1 last minor renewal next year and the other will get an adult passport)?

For FIVE of them that would be a lot of work and expensive. That's £200 at least for the little ones and the older 1 will need an adult one for £80 with photo.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all and I say that as someone who loves hols abroad and we do a lot to save money to travel.

Holidays are a waste of money imo with nothing to show for it at the end

good grief, spending time with your family without rushing to work/school, awful waste of money indeed. I genuinely feel sorry for your kids.

Why don't you compromise OP and book a week for your 1st time? Even book a package holiday so that everything is arranged for you and you can just travel.

Spain is very very child friendly, and the beaches are fantastic. Your kids won't want to get out of the sea if they are anything like mine were. If you book a villa, you get to cook and go to the supermarket (the veg and fruit is amazing, so fresh and tastes so different) and you can get everything you'd get here in the UK. Book a villa that doesn't need you to drive anywhere, and find out beforehand where the local dentists/doctors/chemists and hospitals are and store their numbers in your phone.

We had some amazing holidays abroad when our DC were young. Majorca/Menorca are very child friendly as well as mainland Spain and we found everyone spoke English but were equally lovely helping us learn Spanish. Kids are welcome everywhere, and there's none of the British "kids should be seen and not heard" attitude, we loved that.

I think you’re being unreasonable. I never went on holiday as a child and I massively regretted it, I love going on holiday now. my parents were like you and refused to take us - you sound really miserable tbh. You could go for a week instead and at least you’ve tried it before you say no.

To be fair a passport is worth getting as a form of ID if nothing else.

I like theatres, cinema weekends away, reading, sightseeing and eating.

Well I think it's perfectly reasonable to strike a compromise where you holiday somewhere where you can do some sightseeing and try some lovely food!

Let your DH and DC go without you.

They don’t want to go for walks because...it’s not interesting. Also what’s interesting is that they are not allowed to relax on a beach but you want to relax at home.
And now you have a fear of heights.
So why don’t you admit that you have fairly severe anxiety that stops you from filling out forms, flying and going out anywhere longer than a weekend?
And see what help you might get for it? Instead of dismissing all of ‘abroad’ and giving us a list of how difficult it all is (we know, we travel with kids- it can be enjoyable despite the hassle). Either you are deliberately being obtuse or as someone said winding up the other posters.

@Namestheyareachangin sometimes I do but they all fight and argue it's all one big headache.

@DonkeyHohtay no they go away with family all the time. Plus when their older they can do what they want. My sister didn't go away until 2 years ago. She's been on 6 holidays abroad since then she loves it. But she doesn't resent my parents because they never took her why would she, she can go all she wants now.

My dh is from another country. Had I not gone abroad we never would have met. We wouldn’t have a child, who understands two languages. Going abroad enriches you. I really struggle to understand why you wouldn’t want that for your children even if you have no concept of this for yourself.

You can read, eat and sight see in Spain OP. In fact their food is amongst the best in the world.

You can do forms. You don't want to do forms because you don't want to go.

Holiday with villa and pool - I understand the anxiety over that but it is possible to get villas where the pool is fenced off - we did one like that in France when DCs were small.

I think you should try it and I think you would need to take a conscious decision to decide you won't do arguing and that it might actually be fun! Your eldest wants to go - tell him you will try but he needs to step up and help out with the younger ones.

Come on OP! Holidays are a waste of money if you only consider having an item to show for what you've spent as worthwhile but you are giving your children new experiences, allowing them to see the world, go to an airport, travel on a plane - they will be so excited! Give it a chance!

What's in it for you? Well, not cooking and cleaning, change of scene, seeing your DCs enjoying themselves, family time. They will all be out of there and enjoying hols without you before you know it.

So my answer is yes, put your happy face on and stick it there with the strongest mental glue you can muster!

Benes

No, I'm saying OP fears are understandable. If she changes her mind, she can go abroad. It's fine. I've been abroad since. I just don't understand the attitude of "you MUST go abroad".

look at this thread - as if OP is just plain wrong.

@Namestheyareachangin because I used to until I became depressed.

I also think it's a awful snobby and sneery to bang on about 'seeing the world' and lambast people who don't because it's bloody expensive to travel and a whole helluva lot of people cannot afford to do so. Or are able to. It's utterly shit to assume such people are small-minded and ignorant.

You are either a sad wind up merchant or a selfish bitch who cant be bothered to put her kids first for a week. Neither option is a nice trait.

the holidays were paid for him

I find it very hard to believe that a grown man has his multiple holidays paid for him by other people.

He must have very generous benefactors!

To be fair, I can totally see why the holiday being pitched to you is not one that appeals. I have traveled a lot but never once sat on a beach or by the pool all day. It's just not me. If I want to sit and read a book I can do that for free on my own sofa!

I would speak to your DH again, does it have to be a villa in Spain? Maybe there is a place you might be more interested in visiting if there are things to do. You're being given a hard time here but I couldn't sit in a villa for 10 days in the heat. I'd go crazy!

Quite frankly if you are having a breakdown over filling in a few very straight forward forms say you’re a stress head fly off the handle easily and can’t be bothered with something the vast majority of your family want I’d be looking to spend the money on some therapy.

My DH refusing to go abroad would new deal breaker for me. Travel is one of the best experiences for kids, seeing all the possibilities the world has to offer, if you go to somewhere with kids clubs your kids will get to mix with kids from all over. I’d ditch the villa idea and find somewhere the kids can mix with friends their own age, take part in activities. If you go to a villa they will just be stuck with each other

It definitely sounds like you wouldnt enjoy it. Just a shame that ultimately means that noone else gets to go. A villa in spain sounds like a really easy holiday tbh. Might you compromise and go somewhere closer and less hot so you could do more stuff?

"Holidays are a waste of money imo with nothing to show for it at the end"

That is such a sad statement. One thing I am certain of in my life is that when I am lying on my death bed, I won't be there thinking how glad I was that I bought that new pair of curtains or updated my bathroom.

I will be thinking of all the wonderful places I have seen, experienced and shared with my now long dead parents and now my DH & DS.

Only go if you will actually spend time exploring the country - culture, countryside, food, etc. Not just sitting round a pool. I agree that the small children are too small to appreciate it.

I'm not sure why a lot of people thing this is a wind up. It's genuine.
Someone further up mentioned anxiety filling in the forms and it's summed it up without me even realising. That's exactly what I feel. I've just had a tax credit form come in the post and my anxiety's gone through the roof 🙈

I get it OP. I don't like holidays either. Do I want to have a break from child rearing in this country by child rearing in Spain? No!

When I get pressurised into holidays, I have to organise everything.

I pack every single item. Think of everything. I make sure everyone has medication. I have to buy everything. And then we get there and I don't actually enjoy it at all because I'm responsible for everything including the new environment. Pool- my job to watch that. And you have to do it all without your home comforts. So for me, that means I have a shit stroller. I don't have a cleaning cupboard so when my children inevitably pee on the sofa it's extra stressful.

I often wonder what other people get out if it. I truly don't get it. I get guilted into it regularly but it's so horribly stressful. I don't get what people think us fun! Even the heat is just oppressive when you're pushing a shit stroller trying to carry a toddler. Why do people want to pay to do that?

Last year was horrific. I actually struggled with my mental health because I felt like I had been manipulated into spending a week of my life solely pleasing others with no payback for me, whilst smiling and telling everyone how great it was.
I vowed to never go again but my husband has already started the slow drip. Suchabody is going here.... I've told him to take the kids! Let's see how much fun he thinks my holidays are. I intend to sleep for a week!!

Let your DH and DC go without you.

He doesn't want to go without her, which again begs the question, is this 'holiday' going to be one in which the OP will be expected to be sat at the villa with the younger ones and doing all the cooking and cleaning and organising whilst the H and the older ones set off to do the fun stuff?

We do a lot of self-catering hols as they're more flexible in our opinion but even when they were younger we worked together so each person got some down time on their own, we had time to chill together, we both pulled our weight.

These days we also go to see friends and even this can be expensive as we treat out to meals and events if staying in someone's home, of course.

And you still have to get there! Everyone goes on about so-called cheap flights but having been burned terribly by Ryanair and EasyJet we don't use them with DS as he has HFA and can't cope with their lack of reliability and so the price is a bit higher.

Ferries can be expensive but you do have your car, however, some people really struggle with driving a right hand drive car in a left hand drive country.