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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP sending underwear photo of me to another woman

195 replies

Namechangeforthis2019 · 24/04/2019 08:21

There's a lot of context to this story, so please stick with me Blush
DP and I met just Christmas 2017, we didn't become official until may 2018 as I wanted to be extra sure of it for DS sake. Just after we made it official, we spent 3 weeks apart - I took DS on a big family holiday and the day before we got back he went on holiday with his friend. All good, we both got home and carried on. Since then things have been great, until...

A few weeks ago when I recieved a Facebook message from a random girl of about 18 years old, 10 years younger than DP, (this is why I fucking hate social media) saying my DP had gone off with her older sister whilst they were on holiday last year. I was pretty skeptical as he'd always been so amazing, kind and lovely and just no suspicions at all that he'd been cheating. Plus, DP is not on Facebook so no clue how she found me. I did a bit of research before confronting him, found out that DP has a "secret?" Snapchat account that I didn't know about, which he was apparently constantly messaging other girls on when they were on holiday, so this girl told me. Why a guy who's nearly 30 would want to be on Snapchat I have no clue Confused. Confronted him and he admitted he kissed a woman on holiday but it was for a few seconds on a night out and nothing else happened.

So then that brings us to now... I actually saw a Snapchat logo notification flash up on his phone the other night from a woman's name. At this point I'm feeling really paranoid/worried that something has gone on, so I waited til he fell asleep and went through his phone (I know, I know). I'd never ever do that if I didn't have some sort of serious suspicion.

So here we get to the actual point of the story!! At last. I go into the Snapchat account and look at the chat list. All girls. Screeds and screeds of girls names. I only had to look at a few to see that they were all from the week he was on holiday last summer. Really dirty messages, he was basically sexting other women the whole time, none older than 20. Bad enough, right? Then I look at one girl... Actually feel sick typing it, in a dirty conversation he asked her if she was "into girls" she said yes, he sent her a picture of me in my underwear - no bra, just pants. No face in the picture, he'd cropped that out. He said "that's my girlfriend", he knew what he was doing.

Confronted him immediately, told him it was absolutely unforgivable, I trusted him with pictures of myself, he's violated that. He begged and begged for forgiveness, told me it was at the very start of the relationship, to which I said but we were serious enough from about March but we waited for DS sake. He says he was scared that he knew we were going to be together for good, he knew we wouldn't break up and that scared him a bit. To be fair, since new year we've become a lot more serious, been getting along so so well and things had been amazing.

So as to not dripfeed, his family worry that I'm controlling as he stayed with me for 2 weeks when I had fainting episodes a few months ago (absolutely his decision to do so, I did initially say I'd go home to my parent's). They also are concerned about the fact I have DS and on my own, worry that I only want dp as a replacement dad - not the case at all as his dad is very much involved in his life.

I'm just so so hurt over all of this, I've always thought his family and I got along too, I bought all his siblings Xmas gifts, baked his mum cakes, I feel like a bit of a fool.

Anyway, sorry for the ramblings, thank you if you made it this far. Don't even know why I posted really, just don't know what to do about DP, needed to just get it off my chest to people I didn't know.

OP posts:
Aus84 · 24/04/2019 10:06

I see- so they are all grey.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 24/04/2019 10:06

There is absolutely no way I would stay with someone who did any of this, @Namechangeforthis2019 - please believe that you deserve so much better.

outpinked · 24/04/2019 10:06

I wouldn’t even hesitate in LTB. He’s betrayed your trust on so, so many levels and violated your privacy too. This won’t get any better, he will always do this and even if he did stop you would spend the entirety of the relationship utterly paranoid.

AryaStarkWolf · 24/04/2019 10:07

Seriously OP, get out of that relationship, that's not normal or healthy behaviour.

Scrumptiousbears · 24/04/2019 10:07

For anyone reading this.

NEVER SEND PICS OF YOURSELF YOU WOULDN'T WANT OTHER PEOPLE TO SEE.

It doesn't matter if they are your DP DH whatever. They are there forever to use as they see fit.

OP. Dump him. What a lying wanker.

Prequelle · 24/04/2019 10:07

Oh my fucking god my heart just dropped for you OP. I feel sick to my stomach for you.

Leave him. That dirty bastard Angry

AnyFucker · 24/04/2019 10:07

I simply do not understand why you are even still in contact with him

BoldMeDontAtMe · 24/04/2019 10:08

Would you want your DS to behave like this OP? So sorry Flowers

Justaboy · 24/04/2019 10:10

Read it all now just dump this pile of shite for your sake!

And don't wait, do it now!.

Illberidingshotgun · 24/04/2019 10:14

Yes, unfortunately as I suspected, they are grey, which means he's deliberately chosen to save each and every one of these. Sick, really sick.

YorkshireBelle2019 · 24/04/2019 10:17

Not read the full.thread but you really need to leave this guy. He has zero respect for you or your relationship and has said himself he is trying to fuck other women behind your back. It is going to get worse. I would also speak to the police, it is a crime to share sexual images without the subject's permission and.

Orangeballon · 24/04/2019 10:18

Poor you, I feel for you as I have had an partner who was unfaithful, get out of this relationship before you suffer some real metal health issues. These type of men are not to be trusted and can be manipulating.

LoadOfUtterBoswellocks · 24/04/2019 10:19

The only thing this superannuated teen is scared of is not getting his hole from a stream of faceless other teens. Ick.

QueenKubauOfKish · 24/04/2019 10:22

And yes his excuse is the pits. "I couldn't help sexting/cheating because our relationship was getting so serious and I love you so much." Purlease. And even if that was true, it would make him exceptionally bad relationship material.

Preggosaurus9 · 24/04/2019 10:27

WOAH. That last screenshot is sickening.

What an utter creep, I hope you already kicked him the fuck out

MammaG1417 · 24/04/2019 10:29

Do you understand how Snapchat works? You wouldn't be able to view any messages/images older than 24 HOURS. He's still lying to you, I'm so sorry xx

DesperadoDan · 24/04/2019 10:30

Oh op Sad please, please get rid of him! What a despicable human being. I have no idea how people can be so deceptive and carry on as normal. It’s scary and sickening.

UterusUterusGhali · 24/04/2019 10:32

Jesus!
That's disgusting!

Planetian · 24/04/2019 10:35

Fuck me that’s grim Shock dirty, scummy prick - get your child away from this creepy bastard, what a bad influence he’ll be!

So sorry OP

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 24/04/2019 10:36

You know what to do...Flowers

sprouts21 · 24/04/2019 10:37

get rid.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 24/04/2019 10:39

He's saved those, hence the gray background (and the fact you can still see them).

This is unforgivable, and he's an utter creep.

PositiveVibez · 24/04/2019 10:41

What an utterly vile and creepy piece of shit.

Dump this filthy article ASAP.

Margot33 · 24/04/2019 10:42

Thats really bad. He has got to go.

RuffleCrow · 24/04/2019 10:45

Life's too short to waste on this loser.

He basically provided your body as wank fodder for another woman - almost like pimping you out. Angry

Just get rid, don't waste another day on him. You can do better, op.