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DP sending underwear photo of me to another woman

195 replies

Namechangeforthis2019 · 24/04/2019 08:21

There's a lot of context to this story, so please stick with me Blush
DP and I met just Christmas 2017, we didn't become official until may 2018 as I wanted to be extra sure of it for DS sake. Just after we made it official, we spent 3 weeks apart - I took DS on a big family holiday and the day before we got back he went on holiday with his friend. All good, we both got home and carried on. Since then things have been great, until...

A few weeks ago when I recieved a Facebook message from a random girl of about 18 years old, 10 years younger than DP, (this is why I fucking hate social media) saying my DP had gone off with her older sister whilst they were on holiday last year. I was pretty skeptical as he'd always been so amazing, kind and lovely and just no suspicions at all that he'd been cheating. Plus, DP is not on Facebook so no clue how she found me. I did a bit of research before confronting him, found out that DP has a "secret?" Snapchat account that I didn't know about, which he was apparently constantly messaging other girls on when they were on holiday, so this girl told me. Why a guy who's nearly 30 would want to be on Snapchat I have no clue Confused. Confronted him and he admitted he kissed a woman on holiday but it was for a few seconds on a night out and nothing else happened.

So then that brings us to now... I actually saw a Snapchat logo notification flash up on his phone the other night from a woman's name. At this point I'm feeling really paranoid/worried that something has gone on, so I waited til he fell asleep and went through his phone (I know, I know). I'd never ever do that if I didn't have some sort of serious suspicion.

So here we get to the actual point of the story!! At last. I go into the Snapchat account and look at the chat list. All girls. Screeds and screeds of girls names. I only had to look at a few to see that they were all from the week he was on holiday last summer. Really dirty messages, he was basically sexting other women the whole time, none older than 20. Bad enough, right? Then I look at one girl... Actually feel sick typing it, in a dirty conversation he asked her if she was "into girls" she said yes, he sent her a picture of me in my underwear - no bra, just pants. No face in the picture, he'd cropped that out. He said "that's my girlfriend", he knew what he was doing.

Confronted him immediately, told him it was absolutely unforgivable, I trusted him with pictures of myself, he's violated that. He begged and begged for forgiveness, told me it was at the very start of the relationship, to which I said but we were serious enough from about March but we waited for DS sake. He says he was scared that he knew we were going to be together for good, he knew we wouldn't break up and that scared him a bit. To be fair, since new year we've become a lot more serious, been getting along so so well and things had been amazing.

So as to not dripfeed, his family worry that I'm controlling as he stayed with me for 2 weeks when I had fainting episodes a few months ago (absolutely his decision to do so, I did initially say I'd go home to my parent's). They also are concerned about the fact I have DS and on my own, worry that I only want dp as a replacement dad - not the case at all as his dad is very much involved in his life.

I'm just so so hurt over all of this, I've always thought his family and I got along too, I bought all his siblings Xmas gifts, baked his mum cakes, I feel like a bit of a fool.

Anyway, sorry for the ramblings, thank you if you made it this far. Don't even know why I posted really, just don't know what to do about DP, needed to just get it off my chest to people I didn't know.

OP posts:
notatwork · 24/04/2019 09:13

delete all you pictures off his phone. Delete the snapchat message. You can't do anything to prevent the picture(s) being passed on from those who've received them but you can do all you can to prevent him sending any more. Then bin him.

Shoxfordian · 24/04/2019 09:15

Are you even considering staying with him?! You need to break up with him immediately if you haven't already. He's actually disgusting.

OneDayillSleep · 24/04/2019 09:15

I think you know there is zero chance of coming back from any of this, I mean!!

Just make sure you remove any pictures he has of you from all devices, the cloud etc and then dump his arse!! He’s prepared to share explicit images of you with other people when you are together god knows what he’d do after you’ve broken up.

Once everything is deleted you need to delete him, from your life!

FoxSquadKitten · 24/04/2019 09:15

Urgh dirty bastard, get rid.
(And of course it wasn't just a kissConfused)

AnnieMay100 · 24/04/2019 09:16

Get rid ASAP, you can’t trust him after this and there’s nothing stopping him do it again if you forgive him as you’ve basically given him the impression it’s ok to treat you like that. It’s not a healthy relationship to have around a child. There are better men out there.

IncrediblySadToo · 24/04/2019 09:16

Yeah, if he wasn't still getting messages (and presumably sending them?) you could almost say it was in the past

...and you’d be fine with that? Him sending a photo of you in only your pants to see if a teenager wants to fuck you in a threesome? Ohhhhkayyyy.

Purplejay · 24/04/2019 09:19

What a nob. He is only sorry that he has been caught out! Even if you could forgive him (and why would you), he will do it again. You deserve better. You really do.

Tiredmum100 · 24/04/2019 09:20

Absolutely disgusting behaviour from someone who should protect you. If my husband did that I would divorce him. No way would I stay with someone who has such little respect for me. I'm sorry you're going through this OP.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 24/04/2019 09:21

Disgusting, repulsive and utterly unforgivable.

Please do not even consider staying with this disrespectful pig. He will do it again. And again. And again.

So sorry. You deserve far better. Flowers

Connieston · 24/04/2019 09:22

This sort of caper is what you hear after 7 or 20 years of marriage when the sparks gone. This relationship has barely started and it's already over. Run for the hills.

CaptSkippy · 24/04/2019 09:22

How horrible! Flowers
You deserve better.

Illberidingshotgun · 24/04/2019 09:23

With the way Snapchat works (deleting messages shortly after sending) he's gone to an awful lot of effort to set things up so that these messages have saved. Which, to my mind, makes this even more repulsive.

BluePirates · 24/04/2019 09:23

Op you deserve more respect from your partner than to deceive you firstly by talking to other women - bad enough. But to send a private picture of you?! Next level disrespect. This piece of shit has no qualms about using you and manipulating you to get his own way- if not only for yourself but your child cut this man out of your life he’s a wrong un.

IdblowJonSnow · 24/04/2019 09:24

What a grim piece of shit.
Sorry op that this has happened. Please make sure you delete all images. I would report to the police right after you've ditched him.
If you stay there will be plenty more drama down the road.
He has zero respect for you, you don't want your son to see that do you?
And his family sound horrible too.

Namechangeforthis2019 · 24/04/2019 09:25

Wow, just got to work to find over 70 replies to this! I honestly was wondering if I was overreacting because of what he said, which now I think about it is ridiculous Hmm

So to reply to your questions, I work in a phone shop so I know a lot about technology but not Snapchat, so I asked my colleague this morning (not revealing my situation to him though) and he told me that Snapchat you send as an image via the actual camera disappear. But if you send pics or messages through the chat feature you're able to save them or sometimes see them again, so this obviously means he's saved dirty messages to go back and read over a wank? Weird.

Also, yeah I don't really believe the whole "just a kiss" thing... But at the same time he might have been being honest and I probably would've believed it had it not been for the Snapchat thing.

The thing with his family, he was the one who told me about that. I do get a weird vibe from them at times since he's told me that though.

The recent messages apparently were just people sending them out to a whole bunch of people, which I'm told people do a lot on there. I did have a look and there wasn't any saved messages etc since after that one week

OP posts:
Bunnylady53 · 24/04/2019 09:25

What does ONS mean?

SouthernComforts · 24/04/2019 09:25

I'm confused too, the whole point of Snapchat is the messages disappear once viewed, this was definitely the case 12 months ago as I still had an account.

WanderingTrolley1 · 24/04/2019 09:25

One Night Stand, Bunny.

Omzlas · 24/04/2019 09:26

What an utter cockwomble, he's a prized arsehole OP and you're better off without him. I don't often jump on the 'LTB bandwagon' but that is completely and utterly unforgivable. What's worse than sending the messages is the fact that he still had Snapchat AND the messages!

I'm sorry you're going through this OP but please realise your self worth Flowers

SouthernComforts · 24/04/2019 09:27

Crosspost. But you could see the image of yourself that he sent a year ago? In the chat? I've never known Snapchat to do that.

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 24/04/2019 09:29

No you save them via chat (have been able to for a long time too) there’s also a version of the app that saves every photo you receive automatically before they disappear....

Wipe his phone and WhatsApp and iCloud of you, then check his laptop and wipe that! He is never to be trusted again!

You deserve someone who isn’t going to lie to you and break your trust like that, he’s unlikely to actually change....

S1naidSucks · 24/04/2019 09:29

Get rid of him before your child gets too attached.

This is supposed to be the time when you see his best side, so it will only get worse.

QueenKubauOfKish · 24/04/2019 09:29

OMG OP how awful - the rest is a dumping offence anyway but sending your picture to people is just horrendous.

DON'T be taken in by the fact that he can be lovely etc etc. Nasty, cheating misogynist arseholes can be lovely - but that's who they are underneath and this is is attitude, this is behaviour that he considers an option when he's supposedly in a relationship. You can forgive him and work on it and whatever you like, but I don't think he's going to change that much.

And this is just what you've found out. There could be more. He could still be sexting/cheating. Really just get rid.

Handsoffmysweets · 24/04/2019 09:32

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Handsoffmysweets · 24/04/2019 09:33

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