Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP woman at work...

129 replies

Sotellmewhatyouwant · 23/04/2019 23:51

So Dp works away a lot, often goes abroad to different places with different people.

This one girl who he has gone away with in the past has added him on Facebook and tried to initiate conversation saying how lovely it was to work with him etc.

She is known for trying it on with a lot of the men who she works with.

He is currently away for 8 days, with her, and others.
Now I know I shouldn't have done, (so don't flame me) but I looked on her social media and there are pictures of him that she has put up, by the pool in his swim wear type thing.
I asked him about this, as he had already lied to me the night before about going out for dinner with her and a few others, and he had flown off the handle asking why I'm looking and calling me a stalker and basically a fair few other names (including the C word which is a usual occurrence) 

Whilst I'm sat at home, AIBU to just ask that I don't see pictures of him plastered over social media after her already trying it with him (and him deleting it and lying about it) when she knows I exist?

According to DP - she has done this to get a reaction out of me. (I have never met this woman before and can't see any other reason as to why she would do this)

There are no other pictures of anyone else on this work trip that she has put up, only of him.

He has now ended the relationship while he is away as he feels I'm being completely unreasonable in asking him to just agree that it's a pretty shitty thing to see?

I'm annoyed at the lies that she was there, and about taking her side when he's already admitted that she tried it on last time...

He has now got so mad because I was upset, that he has blocked me on all forms of communication and gone out for drinks with her.

Fully ready to be flames and to be told IABU... 

OP posts:
Smellbellina · 23/04/2019 23:53

He sounds like a twat you are better off without him x

Tohaveandtohold · 23/04/2019 23:56

From what you’ve described, are you sure he was really on a ‘work’ trip?

Erythronium · 23/04/2019 23:57

He calls you the C word and you're the one worried about being unreasonable.

Sounds like you're better off without him. He's done you a big favour here.

Original poster
Sotellmewhatyouwant · 23/04/2019 23:57

@Tohaveandtohold yes as I was meant to go out there and see him! He works within the travel industry

OP posts:
Easterbunnyhashoppedoff · 23/04/2019 23:59

Seems he isn't missing you.
Have his stuff ready for collection on his return...

MrsDrudge · 24/04/2019 00:00

He’s ended your relationship while he’s away, and gone out for drinks with her? He calls you the C word (not unusual) you say. He sounds a right charmer and YANBU. Bag up his stuff, leave it outside and change your locks, give him a big two fingered cheerio when he gets back. You deserve better.

s0ckswithsandals · 24/04/2019 00:01

"He has now ended the relationship while he is away" sorry op but he's done this because his simple brain thinks it will be ok to have a few shags with her over these 8 days and it won't be cheating because he's ended it. Then he'll come back ask to kiss and make up and he'll be calling you a cunt again before you know it.

Have his crap in bin bags outside the front door ready for when he comes home. You can do better.

Original poster
Sotellmewhatyouwant · 24/04/2019 00:04

Thanks all... he makes me feel like I'm going mad... why would someone who I've never met put something on just to wind me up ?! Hmmhonestly at my wits end... I know his job won't change but I felt so hurt that someone would do that and he hasn't had my back at all Sad

OP posts:
RavenLG · 24/04/2019 00:04

Honestly. I think he’s ended it so he can do whatever he wants while away with no guilt as he’s not in a relationship. That being said you’re 100% better off with a twat that calls you names and lies to you. You deserve better.

CallMeRachel · 24/04/2019 00:05

He's at it.

He's created a shit storm so he's now free to continue fuck her

Sorry.

Pull the wool back from your eyes and you'll see. She thinks she's in a relationship with him.

Original poster
Sotellmewhatyouwant · 24/04/2019 00:12

Well I guess I'm glad for not being flamed for having a peek on her social media...

However should have guessed this would be the general consensus.

At least he fits in with the stereotype of what people in his job do Hmm

Honestly never thought he would do this to me. I suppose you never really know people do you.

OP posts:
Erythronium · 24/04/2019 00:15

How long have you been with him OP? Will it be easy for you to end your relationship?

Original poster
Sotellmewhatyouwant · 24/04/2019 00:17

@Erythronium 4 years, we live together, have a dog and are supposed to be buying a house soon.
Panicking because I cannot afford to live off my wage alone, and unfortunately all of my friends aren't close by, and are married so doubt they'd want me and the dog to come bunk in for a while 🤣
God it's just laughable really isn't it.

OP posts:
SofaSurfer20 · 24/04/2019 00:22

Be glad he's ended it. He's likely shagging her by the sounds of it

UCOforAC12 · 24/04/2019 00:24

He is a complete c.

Where is he going to live when he gets back?

Erythronium · 24/04/2019 00:32

It's not laughable Sotellme. I'm so sorry he's put you in this position. If a man calls you the c word, the right place to be is as far away from him as possible. It's horribly abusive to a woman, and I'm sure there's plenty more stuff you haven't mentioned. That kind of abuse doesn't happen in isolation.

Disquieted1 · 24/04/2019 00:40

"We were on a break!"

Don't accept this nonsense. Pack his bags or pack yours.

RedDogsBeg · 24/04/2019 00:50

He's ended it because he's been caught out not only lying but cheating on you, if he was doing neither of those things he would be more than happy to chat reasonably to you and reassure you instead he called you a foul abusive term.

Sorry you have been put in this position OP, I hope you manage to sort somewhere to stay as soon as you can. Are you renting, is the tenancy in joint names?

Pickleandparty · 24/04/2019 00:50

Would you treat your OH like this? If not then Why should you waste your time with someone who does and isn't man enough for be honest and truthful with you.
Take each day as it comes and don't panic or think of future. Take this as a learning curb and enjoy your single freedom.
I left my STBXH early this year (long time coming) was hard as had to leave and go back to my mum and dad's. But you know what I'm taking this opportunity do to what the hell I want and defiantly being very picky and cautious with the next one!

WonderWorm · 24/04/2019 00:51

There's no loss here. Well rid. Do you share any bills or house etc. If not then think of it as a gift of freedom from a horrible person.

WonderWorm · 24/04/2019 00:58

Argh just seen it's a 4 year relationship. I wrong assumed from his flippant attitude that it was under a year or so. What a prize catch he is.
Agree with s0ckswithsandals et al. This is so he can continue to sleep with her then claim you were on a break or even more likely...that you accused him of it so he thought he might as well thus all being your fault and not his.
Await the script.

Aquamarine1029 · 24/04/2019 01:01

This totally sucks and will we hard for a while, but you will be so much better off without this shit head.

FifisLovelyApron · 24/04/2019 01:01

And now he's dumped you he can do whatever he and she want to do with a free conscience, and then can generously forgive you when he comes back...

Sweetpea55 · 24/04/2019 02:36

He sounds as guilty as hell

Raspberrytruffle · 24/04/2019 05:43

OP hes done you a favour by splitting up with you . You have not done anything wrong if it were me I'd be a bit irritated. Its unforgiving calling you any name especially the c word, you dont swear and name call the person you love. Me and dh have had some rough times and some terrible arguments but in our 11 years together hes never once called me a name or even touched me. It sounds very fishy to me OP, I'd say they are atleast working towards an affair

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.