DP woman at work...

[Sotellmewhatyouwant]

So Dp works away a lot, often goes abroad to different places with different people.

This one girl who he has gone away with in the past has added him on Facebook and tried to initiate conversation saying how lovely it was to work with him etc.

She is known for trying it on with a lot of the men who she works with.

He is currently away for 8 days, with her, and others.
Now I know I shouldn't have done, (so don't flame me) but I looked on her social media and there are pictures of him that she has put up, by the pool in his swim wear type thing.
I asked him about this, as he had already lied to me the night before about going out for dinner with her and a few others, and he had flown off the handle asking why I'm looking and calling me a stalker and basically a fair few other names (including the C word which is a usual occurrence) 

Whilst I'm sat at home, AIBU to just ask that I don't see pictures of him plastered over social media after her already trying it with him (and him deleting it and lying about it) when she knows I exist?

According to DP - she has done this to get a reaction out of me. (I have never met this woman before and can't see any other reason as to why she would do this)

There are no other pictures of anyone else on this work trip that she has put up, only of him.

He has now ended the relationship while he is away as he feels I'm being completely unreasonable in asking him to just agree that it's a pretty shitty thing to see?

I'm annoyed at the lies that she was there, and about taking her side when he's already admitted that she tried it on last time...

He has now got so mad because I was upset, that he has blocked me on all forms of communication and gone out for drinks with her.

Fully ready to be flames and to be told IABU... 

And get an STD test.

He’s a dick.

Why waste time waiting for him to get home/arranging times to text/having family members text him/finding out what’s he’s up to?

Move on, he has.

It sounds like you want him to come home all remorseful so you can either say your peace ( you’re a piece of crap and I’m walking’ ) or you want him to grovel so you can reconsider taking him back.

Neither will happen. He will not grovel - at best he’ll gaslight you or try to twist things and blame either the other girl or you. He’s expecting a confrontation and he’ll give it to you but not on your terms.

THE best thing you can do is to walk now. Don’t give him the benefit of the final fight, don’t give him a story where you’re another ‘crazy ex’ - walk. Don’t look back. It’s your decision to believe who he’s shown you to be and move on with your life. Clinging onto that final fight will not give you closure. There is no explanation he can give you that can possibly override what you already know.

Write Bye Felicia on a postit and just go.

Can I just summarise things to make sure I’ve got this right and cos it may help you to see it written down......

1. He calls you a c**t on a regular basis (not a one off)
2. You see suspicious pic on Facebook and phone for reassurance, rather than reassure you he
3. Dumps you and calls you names
4. He then says you should come out to discuss

5 doesn’t bother to arrange that or message when he says he will 6 sends a concerned family member an abusive message

Rather than think how fucking dare you, you think ok I’ll discuss this with you when you get back and then dump you. I really feel for you cos I’d rather be in alone forever if this was the best I could do. I really hope you can see your worth op. He’s treating you like a piece of shit on his shoe 💐

Just leave him OP, there’s no need to show your morals to a dickhead, stop feeding the drama, life is not like a reality TV show where they have endless navel gazing discussions on their love lives.

Leaving him without waiting for a chance where he will deign to talk to you would be the most dignified approach.

He ended it because he didnt want to agree with you? And now he's gone out for drinks with her?

Sounds to me like he was looking for an excuse to break up with you and shag her.

I wouldn't be surprised if you hear nothing from him all week, then get a text at the end apologising for being a dick and "can we try again?"

Dont fucking do it. Let the prick go. He sounds like an utter cunt.
You are worth so much more than that.

T.W.A.T.

I would just leave. You went from panicking earlier on the thread to organising a trip and looking for flats - which is just amazing. Just do that and keep at it until you feel better. If you stay to talk he may say things which will make you doubt yourself and you will find yourself going through the same thing when he is disloyal again in a few months.

I hope it works out for you, and you meet someone lovely.

Have you got any access to his/joint money? If so move some across for your flat deposit etc.

Op I’m in awe of your strength. To go from thinking you’re being u to check his phone to booking a holiday and checking out flats for you and the dog.

I can only echo everyone else. Don’t meet him. What do you hope to achieve? He’s a prize dick. He has checked out. He doesn’t even want to come back to see you he’s organising a lads holiday.

I think secretly you’re hoping he might apologise or beg forgiveness.
A) he’s not going to. He’s thinking with his dick and has already split up with you
B) who gives a shit if he apologises! He’s a cheating knob. You deserve better. There’s nothing he can say that can make any of what he’s done to you better.

Enjoy the holiday. Look for flats. Can’t remember the name of the charity but there is a place that homes pets short term while their owners find somewhere to live. If you’re anywhere near me I’d happily take your dog in while you get yourself sorted.

Take care of yourself. Forget him

As hard as it sounds OP, walk away now with your head held high and your dignity intact.
HE is the one who cheated, if not sexually at least emotionally.
He is the one doing the gaslighting.
He is the one who resorts to calling his partner a cunt.

So what have you got to lose by leaving? He has actually done you a favour because at least you're seeing it now rather than when you have actually bought a house together, or worse still, had kids.

Get another property, get your gear and your pup and when you close the door for the final time give it a large fuck you loser.

Hope it all goes well for you.

Another one here saying no discussion is needed. Don’t give him any more of your time.

He is an utter twat. Calling all the shots when he has behaved terribly.

You don’t need to ‘end things properly’ or ‘get closure’ or ‘tell him what he will be missing’ you walking out or having his stuff outside on his return will speak louder than any conversation with this moron.

You sound so strong and lovely OP, don’t waste a second more of your time with this waste of skin.

Time to focus on YOU and your pup.

You need a soundtrack for packing removal boxes to!

Here’s one of my favourites:

‘I thank you for your call but someone's knockin' at my door
And he's drivin' a big gold cadillac
I prob'ly won't be home when you come to get your clothes
They’re on the back porch in a paper sack’

m.youtube.com/watch?v=QQ6Anq1K2Kg

He regularly calls you the c word and you say "Honestly never thought he would do this to me. I suppose you never really know people do you."

Yes, you did know this! Any man who calls a woman, any woman, let alone a woman he supposed to love, the c word, is nothing but a garbage in the sewer. By calling you a c, he PROVED to you he has no respect for you. What were you doing, staying with a man who called you the c word? Where was your self-respect and pride, until today? A man would call me a c ONCE and once only. Because I would leave him that second. And never looked back. You were obviously ok with being called a c, with me, he would be out of my life the first time. Really, I mean, he calls you a c, regularly, and you honestly couldn't see what type of 'man' he was? It only took until now? I don't understand. I just don't understand why or how any woman would accept being called a c, by the man she lives with and is buying a house with. Calling you a c is red flag number one. In neon lights. Why do women allow men to treat them like a bit of shit and verbally abuse them, then get shocked he cheats? You expect a man who calls you a c, and you stay and put up with it, to do the right thing for you? It's like a Dr Phil moment for me in a 'what were you thinking?!?' tone.

He showed you long ago that he is scum and he has no respect for you. Please take the hint this time and walk away and never look back. Just be thankful you never got locked into having a mortgage with him, or having children to him. Find someone worthy of you. And never, ever, allow a man to show such blatant disdain and disrespect for you again as this 'man' has done to you.

Discussion not needed - just leave.

He's broken up with you and 8s on ho with someone else. Not much more to say is there really!

The grovelling has begun. Of course. Shame I'm in the BEAUTIFUL countryside with my little dog having lots of doggy (and pony) cuddles (and wine)
Thanks all for support,
Much love to you all, keeping me damn strong! X

Also, absolutely blocking him, absolutely made inquirers about moving and 100% NOT going back.

Enjoy your wee break. Hope you find somewhere lovely for you and pup!

Well done OP! You're super strong and you definitely deserve better. Enjoy the doggy cuddles and wine! (I'm sure you deserve some chocolate too)

Oh my gosh OP! You trooper!

Enjoy your little getaway with the pooches and horses.

Stay strong lovely xx

Good for you OP. Stay strong. This is your chance for a better next chapter!!!

Well done!! 👍😁

Yay! Go OP!!!!!! He sounds like an utter twat and you sound lovely- best of luck sorting the new digs

He’s revolting. Get rid of him and move on. Wishing you strength and good fortune.