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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you call out someone learing at your dd

103 replies

Holibobsing · 23/04/2019 22:45

I felt the need to and did today but as I have never seen anyone publically do it before , I did feel like I'd lost my shit somewhat. It was the heat of the moment thing, instinctive and in split second I'd turned and shouted what the hell do you think you're doing.

A man in his late 30s / early 40s walking past making faces and gestures as if he found DD very attractive. She is 12! Tall but does not look over 16.

He apologized probably realising I was her mother, but I was so angry, I told him to fuck of out of here . Not typical language for me. I'd got the feeling it was not unusual for him to do this to young girls.

Basically w.w.y.d?

OP posts:
SlummyMummy77 · 23/04/2019 22:47

I would have done the same

OwlinaTree · 23/04/2019 22:49

Possibly I'd look at a man doing that and say 'she's 12!' and stare at him till he looked embarrassed and went away. But equally I might feel like it was likely to cause too much bother and say nothing.

So that's not much use to you! Good for you for calling him out though.

AnyFucker · 23/04/2019 22:50

I would and I have

PlatypusLeague · 23/04/2019 22:50

You did the right thing.

lordofthefries · 23/04/2019 22:51

I don’t have a DD, but in your situation I’d definitely have called him out. My mum did for me too

10PercentMoreBanana · 23/04/2019 22:51

Well done.

nocoolnamesleft · 23/04/2019 22:52

Good for you.

englishdictionary · 23/04/2019 22:52

A man in his late 30s / early 40s walking past making faces and gestures as if he found DD very attractive.

How?

ColdNeverBotheredMeAnyway · 23/04/2019 22:52

Good for you OP - men like that need to be called out or they think it's acceptable.

I wish my parents had stood up for me like this when I was repeatedly leered at by my school taxi driver when I was 14, to the point that I was uncomfortable getting in a car with him because he would stare and leer at my legs. Would love to tell that creepy fucker to fuck off now.

DramaAlpaca · 23/04/2019 22:53

Good for you.

CarolDanvers · 23/04/2019 22:55

I'd have done the same. I've already given a few aggressive and disgusted glares at men I catch goggling at dd - 12. They always look away quickly. I honestly feel that I am pretty much invisible next to her; as a middle aged a woman, so they don't even notice that she's with someone and feel perfectly comfortable to stare. They do a little start when they see my murderous glare and look away quickly.

Pugpigprick · 23/04/2019 22:55

I was in a club not so long ago queuing up with a friend with two 18 year old girls (Freshers at uni) behind me. We stood there for 30 mins having a nice little chat and they seemed really nice talking how they grew up rurally and they their first real experience of city life etc.

We got into the club and I bought them a couple of drinks remembering what it was like being at uni.

All of a sudden a group of 50+ aged guys started making advances on them. One guy started to rub her leg saying how nice her trousers were. She was obviously uncomfortable but didn't have the confidence to say fuck off so I did.

Some guys are absolute cunts and girls should be shown exactly how to treat them and it's not with politeness.

A few weeks ago a guy was randomly telling me I was pretty etc (a good thirty years older than me and I'm trying to eat a sandwich on a bench) so I ignore him for a while. He then tells me I'm in England and should learn English. 'I AM English but I don't appreciate being harrassed'.

The more women/girls call it out hopefully guys will soon get the message.

Holibobsing · 23/04/2019 22:58

Like, making a curve gesture with his hand, to express that he liked her shape and the only way I can describe his face was that his eyes running all over her , smiling, almost bloody drooling englishdictionary

Actually upsetting to recall. I'm not an overly sensitive person or over emotional.

OP posts:
10PercentMoreBanana · 23/04/2019 23:10

Fucking gross.

7yo7yo · 23/04/2019 23:13

Someone did this to my 13 year old niece, similar gestures then said “I wouldn’t mind a piece of that!” And indicates her.
I walked back to him and said she’s 12, I’ll never forget him staring me straight in the eyes and saying and? I still would. He must have been early 30s.
I asked his friends how they felt being around a paedophile but the understanding only dawned when I said watch your daughters, sisters and nieces around him.
Good for you op.
These pieces of shit should have nowhere to hide.

GruciusMalfoy · 23/04/2019 23:20

Ugh, good for you OP. I'd like to think I'd make a stand too. I still remember being with a group of my friends in town, we must have been 14 or 15, and the leers and double takes from grown men were disgusting.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 23/04/2019 23:21

Odd behaviour on the mans part. This isn’t something I’ve come in contact with.

Thurmanmurman · 23/04/2019 23:22

Absolutely good for you OP. Also a great example for your daughter to realise that she is well within her rights to tell pervy men to fuck off.

FuckeryCentral · 23/04/2019 23:27

Thank you for saying something, you did nothing wrong and shouldn't feel bad. I remember being in my early teens and grown men being pervy, made me feel disgusting. Is your dd ok? was she there when you confronted the pervert?

DoctorDread · 23/04/2019 23:33
Confused
Holibobsing · 23/04/2019 23:43

She is o.k . I apologised for loosing my cool with the man, but told her that it was because he was disgusting and that that's why we have to keep safe. I told her that possibly it happens at some point to most women to make her not feel like it was 'her fault' and if it ever happened to go into a shop , near staff. I will tell her another time to ask if she could call a loved one of she ever felt unsafe. I did tell a security man as I felt that we were lucky she had her mother with her. What if young girls /women didn't . The young security man was good as gold asked me to walk back to see if we could see him. I'm actually going to find that young man's boss and say what an excellent young man he is (as apposed to his knobhead colleague who looked as if I was being a bit dramatic or it wasn't worth the time).

And that's the thing isn't it? We quite often don't want to make a fuss as it's a passing moment but enough for us to feel slight fear, very uncomfortable and in my case then angry . I've never seen anyone in public confront and therefore felt a bit crazyish !

OP posts:
Bbang · 23/04/2019 23:49

Good for you, I would of done the same!

Vile little shit, why are men so bloody gross really.

DoctorDread · 23/04/2019 23:54

Happened to me a lot when I was growing up. Apparently not much has changed.

w0man · 24/04/2019 00:00

Odd behaviour on the mans part. This isn’t something I’ve come in contact with.

On threads about catcalling and street harassment many many many women mention how for them it started at 10/11/12 when puberty started. It happened to me and I've seen cars full of men about stuff to dds classmates in y6. She's 14 now and says it's horrible waiting for the bus as every day at least one car is making gestures or honking the horn or whatever at some of her friends.

Some men justify it to themselves by pretending they think they look 16. Like that makes leering and harassing schoolgirls any better. If they gave a flying fuck about consent they wouldn't be doing it in the first place imo. IME when I've asked them to stop I've been met with threats of violence at worse or called a frigid bitch at best. I'm 40 now and had really really hoped my dd wouldn't have to navigate this stuff :(

CallMeRachel · 24/04/2019 00:08

You should have filmed him and sent the video to Groom Resisters on FB. Dirty beast.

If my mother had caught a man like that doing that to any of us at that age she would have punched him. No joke.