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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you call out someone learing at your dd

103 replies

Holibobsing · 23/04/2019 22:45

I felt the need to and did today but as I have never seen anyone publically do it before , I did feel like I'd lost my shit somewhat. It was the heat of the moment thing, instinctive and in split second I'd turned and shouted what the hell do you think you're doing.

A man in his late 30s / early 40s walking past making faces and gestures as if he found DD very attractive. She is 12! Tall but does not look over 16.

He apologized probably realising I was her mother, but I was so angry, I told him to fuck of out of here . Not typical language for me. I'd got the feeling it was not unusual for him to do this to young girls.

Basically w.w.y.d?

OP posts:
HumberElla · 24/04/2019 00:13

Well done OP, good for you. Men like this need to be called out and made to feel ashamed for their behaviour.

Sadiesnakes · 24/04/2019 00:16

Odd behaviour on the mans part. This isn’t something I’ve come in contact with.

Can't stand these comments.

Good for you to not have come in contact with the very common sleaze bag men there are EVERYWHERE. But most of us have, many times in our/ daughters/ sisters, etc lives.

PositiveVibez · 24/04/2019 00:18

Well done OP. I am bloody fuming for you and your 12 yo daughter. Its actually sickening.

How these pricks think they can perve on very young girls is horrid. They need to be called out. Each and every time.

RosemaryHoight · 24/04/2019 00:20

I was quite shocked living in a pretty socialist country, my dd had this from about the age of 12. I would have screamed at them. Disgusting.

CarolDanvers · 24/04/2019 00:20

Odd behaviour on the mans part. This isn’t something I’ve come in contact with.

Lucky you.

Not odd behaviour either, perfectly common behaviour sadly.

HumberElla · 24/04/2019 00:22

7yo7yo my god that’s just horrendous.

Original poster
Holibobsing · 24/04/2019 00:26

There was a part of me that thought he might turn back and about at me or turn it around that I was harrasing him. There was a worse fear that if my DD was without me , she could have that happen to her.

OP posts:
snapandfartaftermartialarts · 24/04/2019 00:30

Ugh just brought back a forgotten memory.
I went to an all girls school around 45 mins away from home. We used to have a local coach company do the school run for those who lived in the same area as I.
I remember one day the Year 11s were not in, it must have been summer after they had finished GCSE so my friends and I got the back seat of the coach. I would say we were around 11/12/13.
Anyway more to the point we were looking out the back window and excited when these men, three of them. Balding and older in a tipper/scaffold truck thing were beeping and lifting up their tops and pointing to us to do the same.
I actually remember us being really excited and finding it hilarious although that could have just been the rebelling for fact we were in a strict all girls catholic school with Nuns as teachers ...

We must have looked so young though as we didn't wear makeup.

Some young girls now especially in the Instagram age are ridiculously stunning with their hair, makeup and style even at the ages of 13/14 and they look so much older it's scary.

snapandfartaftermartialarts · 24/04/2019 00:30

Sorry for the ramble.
I do hope your DD is okay and you will be also. X

Original poster
Holibobsing · 24/04/2019 00:33

I believe it has got massively worse , wOman.

OP posts:
Nonstopnora · 24/04/2019 00:34

This is already starting with my 10yo it’s awful! Luckily for her I will punch them in the throat. Dirty bastards

Bobbins1 · 24/04/2019 01:50

YANBU at all, you’re teaching your dd what not to stand for!

Raspberrytruffle · 24/04/2019 05:45

I'd be the same op, I turn tiger mum if behaves inappropriate towards my daughter and nieces. The dirty b#stard

OneStepSideways · 24/04/2019 05:58

My mum did this too, when I was about 12. I was tall with boobs and suddenly became aware of male attention in the street, men trying to catch my eye or smiling at me. I was mortified when my mum told them off!!

I think a stern look would be sufficient, unless they actually approach your DD and try to make conversation, then you can tell them she's 12 and to go away.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 24/04/2019 06:30

I think a stern look would be sufficient, unless they actually approach your DD and try to make conversation, then you can tell them she's 12 and to go away.
No, fuck em. They don't deserve politeness. It needs pointing out loudly, that this is a man who believes it his right to harass females, regardless of age.

Sarcelle · 24/04/2019 06:35

It is scary how many men find it acceptable to leer at young girls. It has always happened and shows no sign of going away. I am middle aged and had to travel across London to get to school when I was younger and it was an uncomfortable experience everyday. It started from 12 upwards. What seems to be different these days is that there is no shame now. Even if you call them out it seems that it is being normalised.

It's rotten and wrong and it needs calling out.

These threads appear periodically and lots of posters relay their stories of the same type of harassment. Without fail somebody comes on saying it is not something they have experienced etc. Well, it happens, and it happens a lot.

Posters DH, brothers, dads, uncles and grandfathers may be the ones doing it, because they are all somebody's DH, brothers, dads etc. Depressing.

Jojoanna · 24/04/2019 06:36

I would have done the same OP

Florencenotflo · 24/04/2019 06:40

It's disgusting, I seriously worry for my Dd and it angers me that I'll have to explain all this to her at some point.

The best advice I've ever heard is you don't have to be polite if someone is making you uncomfortable. It's not always easy to put it into practice, in some situations just walking away or telling someone to fuck off could land you in a worse situation. But as a young teen I was too worried about being rude to just say leave me alone or fuck off! I'd always been told to be polite to adults, but not when adults are being disgusting!

Candace19 · 24/04/2019 06:49

It's not happened yet but my DD is also 12 and sometimes I see boys / men glance and I'm ready to leap in!! I won't hesitate to shout the f word too.

DuggeesWoggle · 24/04/2019 06:52

I remember being on holiday in France with my parents aged about 14. It was a hot day and I had a dress on that, while above the knee, wasn't particularly strappy or low cut, and a t shirt over the top. I was very warm and took the t shirt off. I was quite plump at the time and have always been incredibly pasty and pale so was quite a big deal for me to take the t shirt off but I was so hot. A few minutes later a guy (probably mid 30s) started harassing me, following me and saying stuff about me being beautiful etc. I found it very frightening. My parents didn't confront him but just stood either side of me and we rushed away and hid in a shop until he'd gone.

The worst part was that they made me feel like it was partly my fault for having taken my t shirt off and exposing more of myself. They are quite religious and I felt like they thought I was almost provoking him by wearing a short dress with thick straps on a hot day. I felt guilty and ashamed as a consequence. I would hope that if I had a dd that I would be able to speak up for her and that she would never feel that by just existing she was inviting random men to harass her.

goodfornothinggnome · 24/04/2019 07:02

Yeah I would, I've had to in the past.
DD looks a fair amount older than she is, one day we were at a carvery, and as we walked out there were two older men looking at her and talking about her. I turned around and said SHES 10!!! Then DH sort of pulled at me and wanted to know what was wrong with me...he couldve kicked himself after as he would've said something himself had he known.

As a teenager I became aware of how many sleazeballs there were out there. Didn't half shock me seeing a builder cat calling teenagers in their school uniforms one day when I was on my way to sainsburys..
To an extent I'm thankful that DD has had the situation with us around, because it's really helped cement in her mind that there is definitely a wrong sort of attention to have, and at that time it's perfectly acceptable to stand up for herself.

longwayoff · 24/04/2019 07:15

It's incredibly disturbing when this happens and the urge to tear the sleazebag's head off can surprise you with its intensity. Good though that your daughter was with you so she knows the difference between 'good' or 'bad' attention.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 24/04/2019 07:30

Bloody hate this.

I’m an adult woman and I find it disturbing now and back when I was a teenager.

I just told someone to fuck of the other day.

MeltedEggMum · 24/04/2019 07:37

You did the right thing, OP. I hope I react the same way if I encounter a similar situation.

Teateaandmoretea · 24/04/2019 07:47

The best advice I've ever heard is you don't have to be polite if someone is making you uncomfortable.

^^this a thousand times. The amount of handwringing over 'rudeness' on mn though is a disturbing reflection of expectations on women to be 'nice'.

Yanbu at all OP.