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Original poster

Would you call out someone learing at your dd

103 replies

Holibobsing · 23/04/2019 22:45

I felt the need to and did today but as I have never seen anyone publically do it before , I did feel like I'd lost my shit somewhat. It was the heat of the moment thing, instinctive and in split second I'd turned and shouted what the hell do you think you're doing.

A man in his late 30s / early 40s walking past making faces and gestures as if he found DD very attractive. She is 12! Tall but does not look over 16.

He apologized probably realising I was her mother, but I was so angry, I told him to fuck of out of here . Not typical language for me. I'd got the feeling it was not unusual for him to do this to young girls.

Basically w.w.y.d?

OP posts:
BettyDuMonde · 24/04/2019 08:07

When my husband and I were first dating, we saw two middle aged men in a parked van shouting sexual comments at passing teenage girls, the girls were clearly dressed in school uniform, so 16 or under.

DH walked up to the van and leaned into the open window, asking if they were ‘partially sighted or paedophiles?’ And offered to take them ‘to an optician or a police station?’ Both men went bright red and stammered a bit, and the driver mumbled about needing to leave, so DH waved them off cheerily, advising them ‘not to sexually harass children again’

MsTSwift · 24/04/2019 08:12

Gosh I would love to live in the utopia where the poster who says this is “odd behaviour” she has never come across. How?! I was regularly perved at from 13 onwards - grim verbal sexual stuff, flashing etc. And I lived in a naice village!

Well done op am watching this thread for tips my dds under 12 but getting into the risky zone.

TillyTheTiger · 24/04/2019 08:24

Betty What a great response from your husband.

I was very tall for my age and well-developed with long blonde hair so I got a lot of this sort of nonsense when I was in my teens. Including when I was in school uniform. I wish someone had told me at the time that it was okay to stand up for myself instead of just nervously smiling and hurrying away, feeling guilty and embarrassed.

Ohyesiam · 24/04/2019 08:29

My dd was 5’7” at 11 and it all started. I wanted her to not feel vulnerable, so I sent her to jujitsu classes. Now at 14 she could now floor a 6 foot assailant.
I have called men out on this. You did the right thing op.

NorthernBirdAtHeart · 24/04/2019 08:30

YANBU and absolutely did the right thing. I’ve two DD’s (16 & 12) and I hate how much men stare at them, I wouldn’t hesitate in acting like you if ever they were gestured at like that. Dirty bastard.

Marilynmansonsthermos · 24/04/2019 08:36

Ridiculous comments saying that this is "odd behaviour". The poster must have led a sheltered life if they've never seen or heard of arsehole men acting like this.

Aprillygirl · 24/04/2019 08:41

I would have done the same op. I used to hate being ogled by men when I was a kid,it made me feel so embarrassed and awkward and no child (even if they do look 16!) should be made to feel like that by some sad old perv. Hopefully this man will think again next time so well done girl!

thelastgoldeneagle · 24/04/2019 08:44

I would - and I have.

DovePetal · 24/04/2019 08:45

This thread is breaking my heart.. my mother loved it when men ogled me and would almost encourage it. She put at risk from predatory men in other ways too but I don’t think I’m ready to think about that yet.

Comtesse · 24/04/2019 08:46

YANBU. You just showed your daughter how to stand up for herself - role model behaviour. My blood is boiling just thinking about it, never mind witnessing it first hand - your response was just fine.

DD1 is nearly 9 and very tall - we are not far away from this nonsense and I am dreading it. But any dickhead who tries anything with her in front of me will get a massive bollocking and rightly so.

Good on you OP for standing up for your child.

DovePetal · 24/04/2019 08:46

*put me at..

Aprillygirl · 24/04/2019 08:54

DovePetal Flowers

Cocolapew · 24/04/2019 09:03

I have been doing so since she was12/13, she's 17 now and I'm still doing it.
She's still too scared to say anything herself, which I understand.
The other day the bloke looked older than her grandad, he told me she should be flattered a man is interested in her Angry. Dickhead.

ashvivienne · 24/04/2019 09:05

I’ve done the same when my DD1 was about 17/18 a man nearly fell down her shirt trying to get a look at her boobs while walking with his wife and young daughter. He about shit himself when called out.

LucheroTena · 24/04/2019 09:06

It’s awful that this behaviour still happens. I don’t think it’s any less of a problem nowadays except you get much less abuse from building sites (better supervision and training). The worst thing is it happens when girls / young women are at their most self conscious and vulnerable -and least likely to tell them to fuck off. These men know that and that’s a lot of why they target this age group, it’s not merely sexual attraction but harassment, intimidation and a show of power. Can you imagine if it were to happen to us middle aged women? The prats would most likely get their lights punched out.

I like the response from PP husband offering to take them to the police station and cheerfully and publicly shaming them. I must remember that next time it happens to DD (13).

Likethebattle · 24/04/2019 09:36

It used to happen to me as w teen and I wasn’t confident enough to tell them to go and fuck themselves. Now however I have no problem making sure they know it’s wrong. My thirteen year old niece is tall, with long blonde hair, massive blue eyes and now has boobs. A guy was leering st her practically salivating until he saw my glare and raised eyebrow ‘get off on children do you? You’re a filthy scumbag she’s 13’ I wonder if they like the fact that a teenager usually won’t have the courage to stand up to them. They need called out loudly every time!

Notjudesmum · 24/04/2019 09:40

Yep....get it all the time with my DD. DD1 is 19 now so it’s some what expected...although it still gets my back up. DD2 is 11 and very tall and looks probably 14/15. I would batter any man that dared!!

dancemom · 24/04/2019 09:45

I did just the other day walking down the street with my 13 year old dd.

A group of guys walking behind us and one started making suggestive gestures and then said "woof! When do you turn 16?"

I lost my rag completely, stormed back to them and challenged him. Told him she was clearly an under age child which he clearly knew given his comment so he was being massively inappropriate and downright disgusting. Told him he was suggesting child abuse and then called out his friends with him. They replied saying they hadn't done anything but I said they were just as bad as they hadn't challenged him on his behaviour or comments. Told them I was disgusted by them all, that child abuse was a crime and that I hoped none of them had sisters or daughters.

Was actually fuming for hours afterwards.

Then just yesterday I was sitting in a public square, in a skirt and top, in the sunshine on a bench. Several other free benches right alongside the one I was sitting on but an older guy approached the bench I was on and sat right beside me. I sighed and moved over to the end of the bench and he proceeded to get out his phone and try to discretely film my legs! Clearly not discretely enough since I could clearly see what he was doing!

Challenged him on it and he tried to deny it and say he was taking pictures of the pigeons!

Im fed up of living in a world where my daughter and I are abused just for being women!

Bibijayne · 24/04/2019 09:47

Good for you! I remember being told it was my fault by my dad once, because I was wearing a shirt and best top. I was just 14 and under 5ft.

Holdmydrink · 24/04/2019 10:06

This all makes me so sad. My eldest DD is approaching this stage, I have no problem shutting down the gross men, but I hate that she'll have to be exposed to it. She's such a sensitive soul as it is.

She's just yesterday had to deal with nasty boys comments, trying to control her and she's in year 5. I try to empower her with words, but she's so little. It's so sad to hear :(

Siameasy · 24/04/2019 10:07

Grim. I have three nieces under 16, I know one of them (12) has been approached by a much older man and harassed. Which of course then means her mum worries and wants to restrict her freedom-it’s so unfair just when they are building their confidence. Well done OP I would definitely say something.

Bobcut · 24/04/2019 10:10

I would have taken a photo and given it to the police too

MsTSwift · 24/04/2019 10:24

I love the story of the girl who was leered at by builders and quietly removed the ladder from their scaffolding

Sarcelle · 24/04/2019 10:53

I am tempted to say take a photo of them and threaten them with the police. But you would probably be putting yourself in danger.

sashh · 24/04/2019 11:04

These threads appear periodically and lots of posters relay their stories of the same type of harassment. Without fail somebody comes on saying it is not something they have experienced etc. Well, it happens, and it happens a lot.

I remember on the 'me too' thread a while back someone said they had never been sexually assaulted, and then went on to say an ex boyfriend had tried to have sex with her while she was asleep.