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Original poster

The Ten White Horsemen Of The Apocalypse Wedding Part 2

844 replies

jessicawessica · 23/04/2019 13:27

I've never had to start a second thread so no idea if I've done this right.
I couldn't resist the title.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Lizzie48 · 08/05/2019 17:05

it's my fault that they now have to go out for Sunday Dinner because my mum is now coming to my house every Sunday.

Sorry, I’ve just discovered this gem. Hasn’t it occurred to her that she could do what most of us do if we want a Sunday roast: we cook it for ourselves and then eat it. No one has to go out for a meal.

Lunde · 08/05/2019 17:09

Nofunkingworriesmate - It’s not the bride and grooms job to sort out transport for guests other than groomsmen and bridesmaids

This is generally true - but I think that most considerate Brides and Grooms would make some arrangements with family/friends to transport car-less Grandparents to their wedding.

However Groom-DN had effectively ruled out family lifts by not inviting his aunt or uncle to the full day and his own dad is apparently travelling with the other white-clad groomsmen with no space for his mother.

Groom-DN's "Big Idea" was that the non-invited aunt or uncle could drive his grandmother the 60 miles to the venue and wait outside the gates until she was ready to leave! No wonder that the Grandmother is not feeling wanted at this event - despite having been forced to listen to the planning for 2 years!

Lizzie48 · 08/05/2019 17:18

Nofunkingworriesmate - It’s not the bride and grooms job to sort out transport for guests other than groomsmen and bridesmaids**

I did. I even arranged one lift on the day of the wedding when I discovered that one guest couldn’t get to the reception. I did it, not because it was my responsibility, but because I wanted my friends and family to be there.

FarTooMuchWashing · 08/05/2019 17:44

No, it's not up to the bride and groom to sort out transport for guests, but I think elderly relatives that you would like to be there is an exception. I got married in a city centre venue that was and is difficult to access by private car and the journey to the reception was complicated other than on foot. My aunt and uncle brought my elderly grandparents to my wedding. We then gave them the wedding car to take them to the reception and my and my DH walked along with all the other guests. (although if it had been raining, we might have asked them to share!).

ByeClaire · 08/05/2019 20:49

Ha ha yes we have counted the guests on each side and it is unequal.Even more so now that the only people going on DN's side are his dad, his brother and his mum.My mum has pulled out now so it's a good job it's not in a church because one side would be empty.

But according to what I think you said earlier OP, it’s only unequal in terms of family - they both had the same number of invites. As your DN only invited your mother, his brother his mum and Dad to the ceremony, your mother not going only reduces his number of family there by one.

Speaking bluntly, rather than belittling his style of wedding and bitching about his bride, IMO you’d be better off spending that time building up the courage to talk to your DN frankly about how you feel, or thinking about whether your mother is the family martyr and you’re the family scapegoat and how you can change that family dynamic.

Halo84 · 08/05/2019 21:10

Where did she bitch? Pp asked for updates, and OP provided one.

Furthermore, DM raised the lack of an invitation with DN, who responded that OP and DB2 just needed to suck it up.

Grainedmonkey · 08/05/2019 22:58

The only people now going on DN's side are his dad, his brother and his mum, assuming Dad and Brother are among the farcical 10 white groomsman brigade, then that leaves DN's Mum sat as the only guest, oh of course I am forgetting NDN!. This serves them right! DN is a silly boy indeed.

Original poster
jessicawessica · 08/05/2019 23:48

Yes, the only people going on DN's family side now are his mum. but I should imagine she will be on the top table.
DB1 and DN's brother will be with the groomsmen.

OP posts:
itswinetime · 08/05/2019 23:51

On his family side yes! But what about friends? Is the whole guest list in favour of the bride ie she has 60 guest he has 40? Or is it relatively equal but he has chosen to invite friends while she has gone with family?

Original poster
jessicawessica · 08/05/2019 23:56

It's not equal.

OP posts:
StillCoughingandLaughing · 09/05/2019 08:28

The only people now going on DN's side are his dad, his brother and his mum, assuming Dad and Brother are among the farcical 10 white groomsman brigade, then that leaves DN's Mum sat as the only guest, oh of course I am forgetting NDN!. This serves them right!

But the only other person they wanted there was the grandmother. That’s kind of the point of the thread. It’s not as if there’s now been a mass boycott.

Upzadaizy · 09/05/2019 09:09

No, it's not up to the bride and groom to sort out transport for guests, but I think elderly relatives that you would like to be there is an exception

But more than this, the OP's DNeph assumed that the OP and her DH would provide transport for the OP's DM (groom's grandmother) even though she wasn't actually invited to the ceremony and wedding breakfast.

Just rude and (sorry, OP) common. But then bad manners and lack of consideration of others is quite common/naff behaviour.

LannieDuck · 09/05/2019 10:00

On his family side yes! But what about friends?

Yes, I wondered whether he was choosing to eschew family in favour of friends.

SavingSpaces2019 · 09/05/2019 13:23

DN and his silly bride are using his mum and they will definitely use their kid to control her well into the future.
She's not doing herself any favors by continuing to allow them to live in her for free.

PegLegAntoine · 09/05/2019 21:24

Nah, I’m more hanging on for a couple of months after a wedding, when they divorce :o

PegLegAntoine · 09/05/2019 21:26

Oops that was in response to

poster ArgyMargy Wed 08-May-19 07:18:14
But how are we going to get a full report of the wedding itself? Frankly that's why I'm still here.

(I’d had this thread open since yesterday and not refreshed it when I finished reading 😳)

Original poster
jessicawessica · 09/05/2019 22:56

I would love to update but the actual wedding/disco doesn't take place till Aug 4th, so a long wait.
No new news apart from the fact that DN and bride now know that Sundays are at DB2's house where everybody is welcome, apart from them and they won't be getting any presents from DN's side of the family.

OP posts:
Awrite · 09/05/2019 22:58

I do prefer it when people are called out on their bad behaviour.

Too many threads where posters put up with awful treatment and seethe quietly.

EdtheBear · 09/05/2019 23:09

4th August gives DN time to undo this farsh and make amends with his family.
Which actually i hope he is sensible enough to do.

leomama81 · 09/05/2019 23:18

First time commenting but I've read the whole two threads - Aug 4th here we come!

I imagine being cut off from free Sunday dinners and presents might start to make them think - keep us updated OP! FWIW I think you've handled everything very well and you come across as a lovely aunt, DN doesn't know what he's lost.

Original poster
jessicawessica · 09/05/2019 23:31

I'd be very interested to knoe how DN could "make amends".
If I received a pity invite now it would have to be a No from me, and the rest of my family.

OP posts:
FloweryButton · 09/05/2019 23:40

I've read most of the thread and it sounds a mess - what a lot of hurt and confusion created.

Though to be fair, there often seems to be an element of this at weddings. My mother was furious at being excluded from wedding photos by her niece. Another wedding, a brother in law tried to prevent his sister in law getting married to some (admittedly) pretty awful man - on the morning of the wedding! Another wedding ONE cousin wasn't invited, so others refused to come.

However, I think the Bridezilla thing is also a big part of it. How can you spend two years looking at and discussing the Ten Horsemen costumes, venues, flowers, the colour of serviettes ... and then so royally mess up and ignore the most important things like inviting family, then arguing with them and so forth ... before you even get to the venue.

People. Just People. Sometimes I wonder.

MRex · 10/05/2019 06:11

a brother in law tried to prevent his sister in law getting married to some (admittedly) pretty awful man
Good for him, risking his own relationship with her to help her is a sign of real love; you should have been proud of him.

EdtheBear · 10/05/2019 08:50

Op I have no idea how he is going make amends and dig himself out of this massive hole. But i sincerely hope he at least tries.

If he's any brains at all he'll rethink the whole show.

CoraPirbright · 10/05/2019 09:38

What a terrible shame. You sounded like you all got on so well and yet this stupid pair have blown the whole thing to smithereens when it could have so easily been organised to include you and not intentionally slight you. The mind boggles Confused