The Ten White Horsemen Of The Apocalypse Wedding Part 2

[jessicawessica]

I've never had to start a second thread so no idea if I've done this right.
I couldn't resist the title.

Why doesn't she tell them to move out?
Are they the petty types to cut her out?

I don't think she would ask them to move out because of DN's DD.
They did have their own place but moved into DN's mum's house so they could save on rent and save for a deposit. They had the deposit from DB1 but chose to spend it on the wedding so she's stuck with them now.

Well, they've got a free house now basically, haven't they, if his mum hates spending time in her own home?

@Halo84

So he has managed to piss off his future MIL as well.

No, the bride pissed off her future MIL. But, the bride and DN live with her already.

Why blame the bride alone? Op clearly said the nephews mum is sick of both of them.

After that phone call I would block their phone number and all links on social media. They aren't worth bothering about.

No it's definitely not just the bride. It's six of one and half a dozen of the other.
DN's mum says initially it was DN who wanted the whole big wedding thing and the bride was happy with a smaller do. But she suddenly altered her POV and became just as or even more so determined to put on a big show.

No, the bride pissed off her future MIL.

my mistake. I have had a couple of glasses of wine this evening

They really are a pair aren't they. His mum needs to make it clear that they need to move out.

She phoned me on Wednesday and made it clear that she holds me responsible for everything;
it's my fault that DN's grandmother isn't going now because me/DB2 won't drive her there. And because she's not going it's going to make DN and her look bad
it's my fault that DB2 isn't going to the evening do so no lift back for grandmother.
it's my fault that they now have to go out for Sunday Dinner because my mum is now coming to my house every Sunday.

Look, this is what I was getting at before, that there might be an attitude in your family of seeing you as the scapegoat, the one to put blame on. And you happily do it. Why say you’ve extended the holiday? Why not say you certainly are not giving a lift to your mother if you’re not going? Why is this again about the focus on your mother? She should have made it clear that you would have driven her but that there’s no way she’d accept because that would be massively taking advantage. I’m sorry but your mother really is partly responsible for how this narrative is being spun and it continuing.

What’s DB1 like OP? Is he good to you, your mum etc? I think @ByeClaire is right about the scapegoating.

Op I'm not even giving this marriage a year.

DNs mum need to start making them uncomfortable and get them to move out or she'll be supporting them indefinitely.

What a mess.
What an entitled pair of users. Who've shown their true colours bold and clear. They only come to Grannies for the free lunch. Poor Granny.

@M4J4

That’s what I posted. You changed my post.

I agree with the pp who stated they will leave with DN’s mother as long as possible, particularly if she’s not home so they have the run of her house.

OMG, this is unbelievable!!!

You can’t dictate that only those who support your view can read and comment on your thread. Life is full of different views. Perhaps there should be a section called “I’m right and don’t disagree” IRADD

"it's going to make DN and her look bad" nah! They're doing a sterling job of that all by themselves.

They don't HAVE to go out for lunch at all - can NEITHER of them cook?!

And I'm afraid my sympathy for dns mum would be somewhat reserved too, she at least half raised him and is continuing to enable them now. If they're behaving badly at hers in other ways she should throw them out! It very much sounds as if they need an object lesson in adult life anyway!

"That's awful OP :(
Everyone needs to stop tip toeing around these two and let rip!
His mum should give notice. He had the chance to move and is wasting the money."

Totally agree, but then I'd have been blunt with them from the off. Only way to deal with thick skinned cf'ers like this!

Coffeewithmyoxygen is spot on! They don't care about anyone else only how they're affected.

Hell mend em! As my mother and grans would say.

"Well, they've got a free house now basically, haven't they, if his mum hates spending time in her own home?" Exactly she's making it too bloody easy for them.

But then I've seen the threat of contact with a grandchild used before unfortunately.

"Op I'm not even giving this marriage a year" I'm actually hoping it does last! They deserve each other! And I wouldn't want either inflicted on anyone decent.

I can understand wanting a wowser wedding but to fritter away the whole £xxxx towards the deposit on house just for a day is lunatic. Why couldn't they just say we'll put half the £20,000 (just an amount as an example) towards a house & the other half towards the wedding.
That's what any sensible person would do.

Just finished reading both threads, OP. The bit that jumps out at me is that the bride suddenly changed her mind about the size of the wedding. I have to wonder whether they went to a wedding fayre? I only wonder as I've been to a couple (both as a stall holder). Stall holders at these events could probably convince anyone that you aren't getting married properly if you don't have 14 white tigers at the front, 20 elephants to carry the bride and her bridesmaids, a chimp to conduct the ceremony and have the ring presented in an oyster carried in by a dolphin. It says a great deal about my skills of persuasion that I had zero business at both.

@Duck90

OP’s comment was not about who reads the thread.

They sound awful!

I hope they do get embaressed. I hope every single person asks where his family are, in fact if anyone asks now l would be quite candid as to why. You do know that they’ll spin some tale and put the blame all on you!

The Sunday lunch comment is very telling. They basically only went because it was convenient!

If I was you I think I’d speak to to your brother and nephew and lay out exactly how you’re feeling once and for all. At the moment this is all a bit up in the air for me. I’m a bit like graphista. We get things out in my family. Sometimes there’s arguments but there’s also discussions following that and even if we don’t agree getting it all out is an absolute must.

If you don’t feel able to do this I’d write a letter. I couldn’t leave it. I’d spell out how hurt I am and that it’s a lot to deal with the sheer disappointment of a child who you’ve watched grow and have loved treat you so poorly and then their only concern at your distress is how they’re going to look. I’d point out that I thought I meant more to them than that and that I thought I meant to them what they meant to me. I’d say I didn’t realise the Sunday’s was about having a free lunch and getting out of the house, I thought we were bonding as a family because we liked each other’s company, I really thought we were close. That it’s beyond me that you would treat me with such disrespect and then add salt to the wound by genuinely expecting me be your taxi service for the day for the people you have deemed more worthy of sharing your special day?! I find it all very cold hearted and insensitive.

In an ideal world I’d say this to your brother and your nephew but I know that might be difficult. I don’t think they can say much once you lay it out in feelings. No name calling, finger pointing just the bare bones of how you’re feeling inside.

Ps not saying that’s how you’re feeling but it’s how I’m imagining it’d be for me!

I agree with Teddybear. This has reached a point where some plain talking is an absolute necessity.

I’ve married into a ‘tiptoe around issues’ family and I can’t tell you how much anguish it causes. My plain speaking did not go down well initially but now a lot stuff gets sorted before it becomes a problem.

OP - if you can’t face saying this to them, I’d advise a letter. But you do need them to know how you feel.

@jessicawessica - it's a shame that you didn't say anything about being hurt that you weren't invited. At this point you're not helping yourself, you haven't actually told them why there was a problem. Yes, they should understand, but they don't, so tell them.

These two really are a pair, aren't they! Well done for staying calm in the face of Bridezilla's tirade, OP. How did the phone call end - did she accept you weren't to blame? Also, did she even attempt to explain why you have not been invited to the ceremony and wedding breakfast and were clearly only included on the evening guest list for the purposes of being a taxi service to your DM? Even if they did a 180 now and invited you, you couldn't go, could you? Too much ill feeling now.

The mil needs to serve a Section 21 imo....

Maybe inside their wedding card?!