Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The Ten White Horsemen Of The Apocalypse Wedding Part 2

844 replies

jessicawessica · 23/04/2019 13:27

I've never had to start a second thread so no idea if I've done this right.
I couldn't resist the title.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
VforVienetta · 29/04/2019 14:28

I've been the only family member not invited, when my GPs and sister were invited (both close to bride's mum or bride), then my aunt was unexpectedly in the country so they invited her late, therefore had to invite my mum who she was staying with. This left me as the only member of the family not invited, but it wasn't a slight, just a snowball effect. Didn't stop me feeling left out, but at least I knew it wasn't intentional!

I think we should all get a trial wedding to cock up, so we could do it right the second time. You never know, maybe DN will improve with age and behave like a decent person for his next wedding...

CanuckBC · 29/04/2019 17:32

Weddings get so crazy! DN was definitely an ass talking about his wedding with his fiancée constantly in front of everyone for two (😳😲) yrs including children who had the expectation to attend. Talk about a lead up to nothing! That was cruel and unnecessary.

He has been nothing but rude since. Expecting the OP to drive her mom 60 km so at least an hour or more depending on the drive to and fro the wedding she isn’t invited to! And or wait around all day to her invited bit.

In Canada, you are either invited or you are not. I have never heard of evening guest before reading MN before and I admit, I was quite shocked at first. I didn’t know it was the norm there. Here there is no tiers of guests, you are attending or not.

My wedding was smallish, 50 guests. It was close family ie brothers, sisters of both plus spouses and partners, parents, a few close aunts and uncles, a few close cousins and some friends. The list was sparse as it was only 50 people and it adds up quickly! With just brothers sisters parents it’s a count of 14! That left 36 other guests… A lot of people were not invited🤷‍♀️

DN has a huge invite list of 100! He should have been able to accommodate 10 family members! Especially ones he sees every Sunday and talked endlessly about the damn wedding.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 29/04/2019 20:22

At my cousin's wedding, my dsis, dn, parents were all asked by multiple people where I was (nobody expected db to be there as he lives abroad). They were all told I was not invited, which did lead to some surprised comments.

No offence, but is there a chance your family have played this up a bit for you? I don’t mean deliberately; just that maybe these questions were more a bit of polite chit-chat than a major talking point. I had to miss an event recently due to illness and, while more than one person said I was missed, I’m realistic enough to know that this didn’t translate into it being the big topic of the night.

We’ve all become invested in this thread, but for most of the guests, it will just be a nice day out. How many out of 150 guests will even know the groom has an aunt?

M4J4 · 29/04/2019 20:50

@StillCoughing

Why have you extrapolated ‘some surprised comments’ to ‘big topic of the night’?

I can see what that poster means. I think it depends on the family. In my family, a missing first cousin at a wedding would be enquired about and being told they weren’t invited would raise some comments.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 29/04/2019 21:06

Why have you extrapolated ‘some surprised comments’ to ‘big topic of the night’?

It was a general point about the posters who seem to think the question of ‘Who dropped Granny off?’ will somehow overshadow 10 groomsmen in white, and the other inevitable showy events of the day.

Halo84 · 29/04/2019 21:26

@thecatsthecats

Posters are not "egging on" a drama. They are interested. The OP has approached this with humour, and has answered questions along the way. In a family of 10 members, who meet up on Sundays for dinners, where they've been discussing the wedding for 2 years, a lack of an invitation is not only bad form, but rather surprising for the excluded party. Finding out after the fact that people as close as the 80 year old next door neighbour rate higher than the aunt and uncle you see regularly is rather shocking. It's that shock factor that OP was referring to, not her feelings.

Isthisafreename · 29/04/2019 22:07

@@StillCoughingandLaughinG - No offence, but is there a chance your family have played this up a bit for you? I don’t mean deliberately; just that maybe these questions were more a bit of polite chit-chat than a major talking point. I had to miss an event recently due to illness and, while more than one person said I was missed, I’m realistic enough to know that this didn’t translate into it being the big topic of the night.

Firstly, I never said it was the big topic of the night. I responded to a comment about nobody noticing the missing relatives by relating my experience.

Secondly, my family had no reason to big it up to me as I was not bothered about the wedding. I was annoyed with my cousin for the upset he caused my mother. Someone commented about me not being invited when I met them a couple of weeks later, as they had heard from their mother who was at the wedding, so yes, it was a topic amongst some guests. I live in a small town so people would know who is connected to whom. You not going due to illness is hardly likely to be a topic of conversation as there is nothing unexpected in someone not attending due to illness.

Bignosenobum · 01/05/2019 01:48

on the subject of gifts. I once got my friends two silver candlesticks, just in case they divorced. He was dead ugly and wealthy. plus crap in bed. Folded his clothes into neat pile before he got in bed. My friend is stunning and usually went for hunks. Anyway they divorced 15 months later. send a gift as a pair, just in case you get divorced lol. As a joke.

Chipmunk29 · 01/05/2019 17:59

DN is a twat. OP, you've made the right decision not to go.

Greatbigterribleshart · 01/05/2019 20:51

Shameful placemarking in case this picks up again. It's not showing up on my watchlist for some reason even when I bookmark it.

Original poster
jessicawessica · 01/05/2019 21:30

Just an update.
We found out that on the bride's side there are 2 bridesmaids, both the bride's sister and stepsister.
Three sets of aunts and uncles with their 9 DCs.
No grandparents.
Mum has told them she won't be attending as she doesn't have her own transport, can't go with anyone else as no one else she knows is invited and doesn't want to have to spend the whole day with complete stranger or on her own.
DN AND the bride seem to think me and DB2 are being "very unfair" by not acting as some kind of Uber service. But she is adamant that that's not going to happen.
So it looks like it's all sorted now then and we all know exactly where we stand.Smile

OP posts:
Contraceptionismyfriend · 01/05/2019 21:34

Wow. Your mum sounds pissed 😅
Has her darling son who produced her charming grandson piped up anymore?

qazxc · 01/05/2019 21:36

How are you being unfair? Even if you and DB2 were going, you wouldn't be turning up until the evening do.
Or does he really expect you to sit in the car park for the whole day until it's the right time for you to enter.

Ginger1982 · 01/05/2019 21:41

Has DN rationalised why his fiancée gets to invite all her aunts and uncles and cousins while you and DB2 don't merit invites??

TapasForTwo · 01/05/2019 21:42

So, essentially, the only members of DN's family going are his mum, dad and brother, while all of the bride's relatives will be there

It will look like he has fallen out with all of his family.

Beachbodynowayready · 01/05/2019 21:59

Or maybe that his family have dumped him for being a jumped up little upstart....??

Contraceptionismyfriend · 01/05/2019 22:08

It will look like he has fallen out with all of his family

So the truth then?

Original poster
jessicawessica · 01/05/2019 22:08

I always got the impression that the bride was quiet, not bothered about a big wedding and generally very sweet.
I am now of the opinion that she is a complete Bridezilla. Some of the comments that have been made by her are very revealing. DN wanted the big wedding, but it appears he has created a monster. Her side of the family are definitely running the show now, even if the idea originally came from DN IYSWIM.
Mum is really pissed, especially at the bridezilla.
"Butter wouldn't melt" seems to be her new phrase.

OP posts:
TapasForTwo · 01/05/2019 22:11

Do the other guests know that DN has aunts, uncles and cousins and a grandmother? Will they notice the absence of family?

Grainedmonkey · 01/05/2019 23:06

Jessica you sound very much resigned to this situation now. I think you and your DM have acted with integrity throughout. I hope you keep updating this thread to let us know how things pan out.x

Lochroy · 01/05/2019 23:08

You need to prime someone who is actually invited to the whole shenanigans that when they do the photos and call for 'family of the groom', said someone needs to pipe up with 'not here, not important enough to be invited'.

FarTooMuchWashing · 01/05/2019 23:08

Blimey. This just gets worse. I’m so sorry that this has happened. Some people are utterly self centred, and it seems your DN is one of them.

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 01/05/2019 23:22

Well now we know more DNiece in law sounds like a prize bitch!

SweetMarmalade · 01/05/2019 23:23

Shock to your update!

I’m sorry but I really think your DB1 has raised a monster!

Leave them and their tacky wedding to it.

Qweenbee · 01/05/2019 23:35

Oh my goodness. I'm not surprised that your dm has taken a stronger stance on hearing the other aunts and uncles are invited. It's a definite snub.