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Original poster

Does your DH ask 'stupid' questions?

245 replies

Brightburn · 22/04/2019 17:38

Urghhh! Please tell me I'm not the only one who gets fed up of their DH asking 'stupid' questions they already know the answer to but are to lazy to think for themselves so ask you to think for them.

Today's example... DH gets dirty chopping board out of dishwasher, what have you used this for this morning? ... Cutting sausages, as you watched me do it and asked me to cut yours too.

Very petty, very unreasonable but it just winds me up AngryWine

OP posts:
sueelleker · 25/04/2019 07:46

I tell mine something in BIG, LOUD, CLEAR WORDS, and get "you don't need to shout"!

DeeCeeCherry · 25/04/2019 08:03

Reading this reminds me why I will never live with a man again. My ex H was the King of 100 useless questions.

DP of 6 years lives 20 minutes down the road we see each other 2/3 times weekly, socialise, holiday etc. It's bliss. As lovely as he is he still gets into questions mode at times. Not terribly, but still I don't worry about it. I don't have to come home to trivia and 'me time' is a treasure I enjoy.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 25/04/2019 11:06

Yesterday this happened:
OH: (sitting on phone next to me - places phone down on table - leaves the room for 20 secs - walks back in) Do you know where my phone is?

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 25/04/2019 11:10

Reading this reminds me why I will never live with a man again

I live with a highly capable woman - yet I get asked questions continually - see my above post. I don't get it.

Happynow001 · 25/04/2019 11:29

Oh my goodness! 😮

I bet if you (all) marmalised your DH/OH/DP and put them on top of your patios the long arm of the law wouldn't charge you, but actively help you hide the body... 😁

NewLevelsOfTiredness · 25/04/2019 12:29

Right, I can't talk for these men in your lives, but I'll try and put up a little defense here:

I do defer to my girlfriend with small things like 'how many potatoes?'

I find it hard not to. Because in my first serious relationship if I ever took the initiative I would be the one getting the questions afterwards: "Why did you use that many potatoes?" for example - and not asked in a kind way either. This would apply to anything I tried without checking first.

I'm getting better at it now, but it's taken a lot of years - being called out, unpleasantly, on every decision you make yourself for a number of years left its mark and doesn't inspire you to just get on with things.

Mind you, she gave me the silent treatment for two days once because somebody at work had irritated her, so....

FuriousCheekyFucker · 25/04/2019 13:26

Some of these questions are blatant examples of Risky Shift.

They're asking you the question so you become part of the decision making, then if it goes wrong, they can then share or shift the blame.

For example "Should I put a jacket on?" is a classic. If the answer is "No" and it rains or it's colder than expected, it is someone elses fault that they're wet and/or cold. If the answer is "Yes" and it is hotter than expected, or doesn't rain, once again it is someone elses fault that they've carried a jacket when they didn't have to.

It's a difficult habit to break - as @newlevelsoftiredness has mentioned, people use it as a defence mechanism and to mitigate the impact of doing the "wrong" thing - but understanding what is going on and adjusting for it is perhaps a good way of dealing with it.

So next time your DP asks "Shall I put a jacket on", respond with "Well, do you think it'll rain or it'll get cold", thus shifting the decision making process back onto them. They can't shift it again without looking stupid. Once you get into the habit of shifting the decisions back onto them, it becomes easier - and far better for your relationship than simply ignoring/rolling eyes/being a prick about things.

DeeCeeCherry · 25/04/2019 21:28

I live with a highly capable woman - yet I get asked questions continually - see my above post. I don't get it

Ah well onemorecupofcoffee even tho you've highlighted what I said re not wanting to live with a man - we're just not and won't ever be in the same situation at all will we? 😁

llamalana · 26/04/2019 05:18

I second the "I have found my people"

Recently, whilst walking from freezer to kitchen with packet of fish fingers "ooo, are they fish fingers?" and then complaint that I was aggressive in the way I answered "Yep"

And yes to the shouting from one end of the house to the other for things...standing in front of open fridge while I am other end of the house frantically tidying pre guests "Where are the mushrooms?"

"Whats the weather doing today?" while I am making three breakfasts and three lunch boxes while trying to just drink one warm cup of tea and get three children out the door. CHECK your effing self!! You have a phone and no one to get ready but yourself.

Thank you to you all for making me feel less alone.

cakecakecheese · 26/04/2019 08:07

OMG my ex bf was like this and it drove me utterly berserk. He was constantly going in my fridge and cupboards commenting on things and asking why things were there. It's leftovers I was planning on eating it not creating an art installation Hmm

I completely lost it once after he'd asked me about the cooking wine for the fifth time. 'It's my f*king wine that I use for fking cooking!!' 'All right calm down I was only asking'. Yes and I was answering, for the fifth f*king time.

Anyway I now have a partner who has common sense and a decent memory and it's bliss Smile

SheisMammyof2 · 26/04/2019 09:02

DH isn't too bad at home, a stint as a SAHD taught him a lot. However, he is completely incapable of going to the shops without ringing me at least once despite the fact that he has a written list which he most likely wrote himself and we get the same things every time!! Drives me insane when I see the call coming in like clockwork about 15 minutes after he leaves the house.

LaMarschallin · 26/04/2019 09:17

Touched a chord here as this morning my fiance wandered in (separate beds for a couple of nights as I'm having a few days of insomnia. My choice as, when it happens, I like to read/listen to the radio and don't want to disturb him) asking if I'd been down to the kitchen during the night. Fair question, especially with the insomnia, but I hadn't.
Him: "Oh. I just wondered because the kitchen door was shut.
This meant the cat couldn't access the cat flap.
He carried on with: "Must have been me then. Strange. Hmmm.....". He managed to refrain from putting his index finger to the side of his mouth and frowning in deep thought, but only just.
Drifted out, murmuring, "Poor Tibbles..."*.
Obviously doesn't believe me as he's infallible and would never absent mindedly shut the door Hmm

*NCd cat in case it might be outing. Name's actually Rover.

MyFamilyAndOtherAnimals1 · 26/04/2019 09:20

It's a way to shun responsibility.

If mine does this - I just remind him of 'the mental load'

MrsMigginsLovelyBaps · 26/04/2019 09:57

I do believe with mine it's just him thinking out loud, but after 20 years it's unbelievably annoying. I'll be cooking, following a recipe, with the book open next to the hob, and he'll wander in and say something like "Oh, creme fraiche.... it says to put that in does it?" No, I've decided to look at the recipe and completely ignore what it says and make it up as I go along.

Last night on being handed a plate with a lovely salad and quiche (that he had specifically requested for dinner):

"What's this? Quiche and salad is it?" It's in his hand, he's looking at it WITH HIS EYES and asking me if it is indeed the very thing he can see! I mean, how do you respond to that?

Then he goes upstairs, comes back down after 15 mins, turns over the TV to one of those ambulance programmes, then IMMMEDIATELY says "What's happening here then, why is that bloke in the ambulance?" I've literally seen the same 10 seconds you have, you wittering fool.

frenchonion · 26/04/2019 10:13

My exH was like this. Fucking stupid questions constantly. I developed special sarcastic phrases to answer back with in the end like. Not mature but made me feel better!

LaMarschallin · 26/04/2019 10:17

@MrsMigginsLovelyBaps

It's in his hand, he's looking at it WITH HIS EYES and asking me if it is indeed the very thing he can see!

Loved this and shall plagiarize it mercilessly in similar circs in real life Smile

Esmereldapawpatrol · 26/04/2019 11:20

My DH used to check with me every time he picked the kids up from school as to what time they finished. I couldn't understand why he couldn't retain that information in his head and it annoyed me as I felt it was an important thing to remember...one day I just refused to tell him and said if he really couldn't remember either Google it or ring the school.

Saracen · 27/04/2019 01:47

DH: "Will DD help me put the chickens in the coop now?"
Me: "She's sitting right next to you. I understand she speaks excellent English. Why don't you ask her?"

toodlepipsqueaks · 27/04/2019 03:05

Another vote for "how long does this need to go in the oven?" whilst brandishing the cooking instructions Halo

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