Family meal out issue. WIBU?

[LettuceBe]

A family member organised an extended family lunch today. We have gatherings two or three times a year. Today there were 12 adults and four children.(I don't have children so none were mine) An aunt received some unexpected money and wanted to pay for it all. It was a chain pub type place so reasonably priced but still incredibly generous of her and offers of payment from some were repeatedly refused before and during the meal.

It went well but all four children aged 2, 3, 4 and 8) barely touched their kids meals(The build your own type when you choose a main and two sides, Dessert is free) There was a huge kids play area so they were more interested in that and left the vast majority of the food. Said Aunt was not pleased and made some remarks about it having to pay for nothing. One parent didn't look pleased but offered to pay for the kids meals.(About£4.95) but Aunt declined. It created a bit of an atmosphere but we finished and left. Aunt left a Whatsapp about enjoying the day and hoping everyone else did too, but that she felt a little taken advantage of because the children didn't eat their meals and none of the other three sets of parents offered to pay for the uneaten meals. Understandably it didn't go down well.

So who was being unreasonable here?

Oh have some fun with it.
Tell her you have punished your children and donated 20 quid to Oxfam as you are paying forward her generosity and this way some really hungry children will be grateful.

She Ibu. It’s a five pounds meal so drink, main and a pudding. They drank the drink and ate the pudding so she’s really complaining about a £2 meal not being fully eaten per child. It’s just petty.

What a shame a lovely family occasion has been marred. I do think the parents were unreasonable in letting their children get up and down from the table. That is poor manners. But once aunt had declined all of the (many ) offers to contribute then she needs to behave graciously about the occasion. Luckily you dont need to be involved in this at all!

But I would say about taking leftovers. It was my dads wake a couple of week ago. There was far too much food and we offered leftovers to all the lovely relatives who had travelled quite a distance to attend. The national chain hotel refused to provide us with any foil, bags, cling film to take leftovers away on health and safety grounds. I think probably that was genuine and we managed! But perhaps with your situation leftovers might not have been possible anyway.

Children shouldn't be forced to eat food that they don't want - it creates unhealthy eating habits

Whereas just letting them eat ice cream for lunch is hunkydory?

The drinks were extra if that matters. (It'd make more sense to me to offer a free drink instead of ice cream.)

She is though - whether you think the parents should have made more of an effort to get the children to eat the meal it doesnt matter. She offered to pay for everyone to have a meal - that is where it ends. You cannot place conditions on that.

Perhaps the parents felt that them enjoying the meal was more important so let the kids go rather than make a scene

I’d give the money back and choose not to eat with her again. What a stupendously graceless individual she is. I feel very sorry for the children’s parents.

Maybe the “taking advantage of” is because she suspects the parents would have encouraged the kids to eat their meals if they’d bought them themselves, and were only so laissez faire because it was free? Did they make any attempts to have their kids sit at the table?
If not, it was quite rude to order meals for them.

This.

Whilst she is being somewhat unreasonable to complain, the parents should have insisted their offspring eat as a condition of using the play area and eating ice cream!

That’s odd they normally include a drink too unless you want a more costly one. Either way though £3.50 half eaten meal is what she’s mad about if you say an ice cream costs £1.50. Bonkers.

Ice-cream has nothing to do with hunger. Nobody eats ice-cream because they're hungry!

If kids are using the excuse 'they're too full' to avoid eating their main, then they shouldn't get ice cream.

And yes I am rounding up.

I'm all for choosing your battles but theres choosing battles and letting your kids take the piss.

I found it odd too, but perhaps they make more money on drinks than on ice cream.

As a PP said, she's of a generation who didn't allow their children to run off and play leaving full meals uneaten on the table, and certainly to come back for pudding. That's really rude and there should have been more effort to socialise the children at the table and encourage them to join in the occasion. Having said that she's making a fuss and should just have left it and kept the high ground.

" Prequelle If kids are using the excuse 'they're too full' to avoid eating their main, then they shouldn't get ice cream."

In normal everyday scenario I agree when going out for special Easter lunch with a large group I will have to disagree. Time and place ....time and place

I think consistency is more important but that's just me.

No not just you consistency also IMO has to be balanced with reality...you may have a case for the 8 year old but not the 3 under 5 IMO

I cannot get my head around someone being so petty, if you offer to buy lunch for 12 people in a chain pub you’re probably budgeting £180-£240, that’s very generous in my book and not really necessary if everyone would be going anyway. Once the food’s been ordered then that money is spent, whether anyone actually clears their plate or not. Complaining about it just takes her from ‘generous aunt’ to ‘avoid at all cost aunt’.

It’s unreasonable to expect young children to sit and eat when they are on a family get together in a clearly family-friendly restaurant with a play area alongside other young children.

It’s all a bit school dinnerlady. Like she was planning to check you’d eaten enough of your vegetables before giving permission to eat your pudding.

I think the whole point of having a family meal together is that everyone gets to see and chat to everyone including the kids. At the ages of 2,3 and 4 though kids are unpredictable in what they eat and how much and I do not think they should be forced. Encouraged yes but telling them they cannot go into the play area is not something I would do with my grandchildren. What a fuss over a few kids meals. Spoilt the whole event surely. If your Aunt could not afford to pay she should not have offered and if she has a bee in her bonnet about wasted food then she has obviously forgotten what young kids are like. Sometimes they don't eat when they are told to and I totally disagree with them being made to.

This happened to me when my children were very small. At the end of the extended family meal, we asked to pay for our meals. When we were told one member had already paid for everyone. We all thanked him, then he complained that my children (1 & 4) didn't finish their dinners and he was very disappointed?! It was horrible having everyone stare at me. Kids are kids, sometimes they don't want to eat! The food was quite pretentious with herbs and spices all over the childrens food. Your aunt is being unreasonable. Surely it was nice to see their little faces at the table.

Wow sounds like a fun day out.
I think both are being unreasonable. I would not let my child eat ice cream without eating most of their main meal.
I'm intrigued about the nachos though. Surely they are only a few quid. Why didn't someone query it at the time?

The parents because they should of made their kids sit and eat their lunch and not allow them outside or their icecream until lunch was eaten.

It's reality if you make it reality! You can control whether they skip their main meal and get dessert. If you would rather avoid a tantrum then that's fine but some including myself wouldn't. Both are fine but when it affects others (like disrespecting the aunt) it's not on