Family meal out issue. WIBU?

[LettuceBe]

A family member organised an extended family lunch today. We have gatherings two or three times a year. Today there were 12 adults and four children.(I don't have children so none were mine) An aunt received some unexpected money and wanted to pay for it all. It was a chain pub type place so reasonably priced but still incredibly generous of her and offers of payment from some were repeatedly refused before and during the meal.

It went well but all four children aged 2, 3, 4 and 8) barely touched their kids meals(The build your own type when you choose a main and two sides, Dessert is free) There was a huge kids play area so they were more interested in that and left the vast majority of the food. Said Aunt was not pleased and made some remarks about it having to pay for nothing. One parent didn't look pleased but offered to pay for the kids meals.(About£4.95) but Aunt declined. It created a bit of an atmosphere but we finished and left. Aunt left a Whatsapp about enjoying the day and hoping everyone else did too, but that she felt a little taken advantage of because the children didn't eat their meals and none of the other three sets of parents offered to pay for the uneaten meals. Understandably it didn't go down well.

So who was being unreasonable here?

[LettuceBe]

The nachos were £4.99(I just checked) No idea why no one queried it. I guess they just assumed another person had ordered them and was going to eat them.

[SoyDora]

I think consistency is more important but that's just me

Yeah, just you. Out of a population of 7 billion people, it’s definitely just you who holds those views .

Anyway... I would have encouraged my children to eat their meal (I have 5 and 3 year olds). However, any positivity resulting from the offer to pay for everyone’s meal has now been completely negated by the fuss she is making. You don’t offer to pay for something and then impose conditions on it.

[voddiekeepsmesane]

My child is not a child anymore but a strapping 15yo. The fact that he may have not eaten a meal or 2 and only had dessert while out when younger has not caused detrimental effect at all. He shovels anything and everything into his mouth now 😁 pick your battles people!

[TheCatDidSay]

Most children’s meals in chain pubs are terrible anyway you’d be lucky if the child actually liked it. I’ve been in one that served children microwave pizzas frankly I’d rather they left it the ice cream was likely healthier in that one.

[archivearmadillo]

SoyDora

What does "but that's just me" actually mean? "But I believe myself to be morally superior to everyone else" perhaps?

[Bringbackthestripes]

The fact that she offered to pay for a table of 12, but is now moaning that a few kids didn’t eat their WHOLE meal and is again moaning about nachos she is having to pay for, that she is demanding someone owns up to ordering, means I would not bother to invite her to ANY family meal in future.

Awful behaviour on her part. If you offer- suck it up, don’t moan about it. Unless you say “I will pay and that the conditions are that everyone has to eat all their food on their plate”, she didn’t -so she should have just paid up and moaned to her (unrelated) friends, rather than upset all the people she offered to BEGRUDGINGLY pay for.

Ridiculous.

[archivearmadillo]

TheCatDidSay exactly! What is the thought process that results in the conclusion that the ideal situation is one in which children eat crappy processed food they don't want in order to be rewarded for eating processed fried reconstituted chicken connective tissue by being allowed to eat sugar and dairy fats - and no running around in a safe allocated area til the plate of processed food you don't want is eaten!

[Prequelle]

Yeah, just you. Out of a population of 7 billion people, it’s definitely just you who holds those views

Obviously that wasn't what I was implying and I'm finding it hard to believe people have never heard the phrase 'but thats just me' used snarkly in a discussion of opposing views

[saraclara]

It’s unreasonable to expect young children to sit and eat when they are on a family get together in a clearly family-friendly restaurant with a play area alongside other young children.

It really isn't. Lots of parents and kids manage it.

[Justanothershow]

With children that young I think a big family get together and soft play available is far too distracting to sit and eat nicely. If they had fun and their parents enjoyed their lunch I'd see that as a success.

An ice cream as lunch isn't then end of the world.

The WhatsApp messaging sounds awful.

[Gillian1980]

She IBU.

you can’t force kids to eat. And it would have cost her the same whether they ate it or not.

I know it’s frustrating, my dd (3) eats next to nothing and leaves lots even from the smallest kids meals.

[Prequelle]

What is the thought process that results in the conclusion that the ideal situation is one in which children eat crappy processed food they don't want in order to be rewarded for eating processed fried reconstituted chicken connective tissue by being allowed to eat sugar and dairy fats - and no running around in a safe allocated area til the plate of processed food you don't want is eaten!

So that's how people justify it, that's funny.

It's not about the quality of the food (if it's all that bad why are you eating there in the first place) it's about teaching kids they need to eat their mains (ie what's supposed to be nutritious food to sustain them) first before they have their treat food.

[Farmerswifey12]

Hi OP I agree your aunt is BU.

Taking kids to a soft play is a treat, and letting them have a play and ice cream there isn't an everyday occurrence. She needs to chill

[archivearmadillo]

Prequelle if you read your post again you'll see how full of international contradiction it is. You say it's not about the quality of the food and then that their "mains" are supposed to be nutritious food, and that's why they should be eaten before "treat" food. You say that immediately after saying that basing decisions about what children eat on nutrition is funny...

[LettuceBe]

The kids meals seemed pretty average pub kid meals to me. Not the healthiest but they offered grilled chicken and a number of vegetable options too. I think it's pretty typical of what they normally eat.(Not a criticism and most of us adults weren't going for the healthy options either.

Apparently eldest child had ordered an adult carvery(I'd forgotten that) and she left most of it, so that's a real bone of contention. As is the fact that two of the parents ordered kids starters for their children, not realising that they cost extra. I feel like paying for the whole thing myself just to get the arguing to stop.

[LettuceBe]

Adult carvery because her Father said a kids one was too small for her.

[archivearmadillo]

Appropriate manners depend on setting. Children learn that as they grow up. A chain restaurant with soft play is informal and the food is not that important, it's a place adults can get together and the children can go off and play. A more adult oriented cafe is different, a formal restaurant is different. In reality 99% of people are able to adjust behaviour to setting and instinctively socialise their children to behave accordingly.

[voddiekeepsmesane]

No prequelle you teach that at home everyday eating. When out apart from teaching sitting at a table and being sociable, eating everything is not a must when in a unusual environment under 5. If you know anything about child development you would know that expectations need to be realistic or you could be just be setting children up for failure.

[BornInGlasgow]

For the love of God your Aunt is being ridiculous.

If you're going to make a nice gesture then great but don't act like a Saint and make everyone jump through hoops over it!

[SoyDora]

Obviously that wasn't what I was implying and I'm finding it hard to believe people have never heard the phrase 'but thats just me' used snarkly in a discussion of opposing views hmm

Yeah of course I’ve heard it before. Pisses me off every time.

[LettuceBe]

Last time we met, we went to a very nice Chinese restaurant and the kids were extremely cranky because they were bored so I completely understand why their parents were happy for them to spend most of their time in the play area. Sometimes you can't win either way.

[Prequelle]

archive it might be full of contradictions if you willfully misunderstand what I've said.

Teaching that main comes before desert and should be ate is important because universally desert is the unhealthy sweet treat.

Me saying that would only be an issue if you're regularly feeding your kids a load of shite as a main so there would be no point distinguishing between the rubbish of a main and rubbish of a dessert. In that case you could have a fuck it eat what you want attitude. In this case as I'm sure it's only a one off they're eating pub food (that's apparently so bad ice cream is preferably which I don't believe anyway) we should still be instilling that main first desert later.

[ChristmasFluff]

Aunt totally unreasonable. Might have had a leg to stand on if she'd accepted the money the one person offered, as it might have been the case that the money was important.

But she chose not to. Now for a generous person, that would have been because they, in their own minds, had paid for an enjoyable family occassion, and the minuscule components meant nothing. But in your Aunt's mind, it meant she had the right to dictate how the event should be enjoyed (meal V dessert for example), and then if it didn't go that way, she could drama it all over social media.

I think you know which your aunt is.

[archivearmadillo]

LettuceBe that's a massive drip feed and story change.

Either way the lesson is all pay your own way at future family meals and absolutely refuse to be paid for as it as you will pay and pay for it in terms of blaming, over analysing, scolding and pearl clutching afterwards.

[Prequelle]

If you know anything about child development you would know that expectations need to be realistic or you could be just be setting children up for failure

Well isn't it just interesting how so many have managed.