to not understand why I can't fucking drive?!

[Floatingfancy]

I've had 20 lessons and I cannot get the hang of it. What is wrong with me?! I am thirty years old. I have two degrees. There are teenagers out there happily passing without a second thought.

I still have not got the hang of gears. I stall constantly. I can't do all my checks while trying to sort the cocking gears. I live in SE London so it's very intimidating with a lot of fast and aggressive drivers.

I'm considering switching to automatic lessons but will that even be better?!?!

I feel like a complete failure for not being able to do this.

I’m not a natural driver, I’m a reluctant driver, for me it’s just a necessity. I would strongly advise you to persist with learning in a manual car and then switch to an automatic if you prefer. Also, weirdly, I found that some basic understanding of how an engine works can be beneficial in learning to drive and with a gearbox you need to listen to the car more. I much prefer an automatic but have ended up with a fairly old manual that has a temperamental gearbox, I do mainly town driving and avoid motorways like the plague. Some people are ‘natural’ drivers, I guess like some people find cooking or parenting a breeze, for others it’s a struggle. But don’t give up, don’t over think it and make sure you have the right teacher.

The instructor is important, my new instructor is awsome, she is so calm and zen, she even suffered from panic attacks herself has had depression too. Her auto car is also much easier to drive than my previous instructors, it feels so natural like my own personal car, I feel hopeful this time of passing my test.

I had about 114 hours worth of lessons before my test OP. You're being too hard on yourself. Especially learning in London.

We never hire cars so I can't see that being much of an issue tbh. DH says he's quite happy to buy an automatic and use it himself

I am shite at riding a bike too unless it's on totally flat ground with no one else around!!!

@Floatingfancy

You poor thing!!! As a number of people have said, not passing your driving test has naff-all to do with intelligence my love! It's soooooooooooo hard. (Well it was for me ha ha )

I took, wait for it......

SEVEN attempts to pass. Started to learn at 18-19 (in the late 80's,) had about 15 lessons, and took a test: FAILED. Took another 6 lessons, took another test: FAILED. Took another 6 lessons... took another test (you can probably guess what's coming... )

So after the third fail in one year, (and feeling utterly shite,) I got a new job at the age of 20, in the middle of a big city, and moved there. Didn't need to drive for 4 years or so, as I worked 10 minutes walk from my flat, and everything was within 5 to 20 minutes walk.

Moved back to my home town at 24, met my boyfriend (now husband,) and we moved in together after about a year. He had passed at 17, and drove us everywhere. I felt shit about it, even though he didn't complain. It took me 70 minutes to get to my new job at the other end of town, but was a 12 -15 minute drive.

So I took another 10 lessons, and a 4th test - FAILED. 10 more lessons, and a 5th test - FAILED. 10-12 more lessons, and a 6th test.

FAILED!!! For a 6th time!

So at 26 I had failed 6 tests and had also had around SIXTY driving lessons since the age of 18, I gave up.

Got to 30, and had a couple of kids by then, and it was SUCH a fucking pain trying to do anything without a bloody car! (Especially as I worked 3 days a week!) My town was nice, but the public transport was a joke.

Soooooo I took around 9-10 lessons again and booked another test.

At 31 y.o. and with test No. 7............... I PASSED! Been driving almost 15 years now!

Sorry rambled a bit then.

I know I could have gone for an auto, but I know a few people who can only drive autos and it does restrict them a bit with jobs...And auto cars are more rare, and a bit harder to come by. I also REALLY wanted to pass in a manual!

But I agree it's probably a good idea to pass in an auto, so at least you can drive. You can always move onto a manual later. To be honest, if I had failed test No 7, I would probably have tried an auto test, as I really needed to be able to drive by then!

Good luck!

Also I wfh. I can't foresee my ever having a job I need a company car for.

Don’t panic, I hated my lessons and it took me three attempts to pass .

I drove a manual car for 20+ years and then I got an automatic for the first time. Oh My God....it was amazing, I will never bother with a manual ever again. No more tedious mucking about with gears. Easiest cars ever...just point and drive....along with some road sense naturally,

@Floatingfancy do automatic, I learned in a manual, have driven manual for 5 years and now buying automatic to much traffic on the roads now for a manual!!

There really isn’t any reason to drive manual anymore.

Unless you ever hire a car on holiday - autos are at least a third more expensive to hire.

@Floatingfancy

Also I wfh. I can't foresee my ever having a job I need a company car for.

Definitely go for an auto then! As I said, you can always try and pass in a manual later (if you want to.)

I know four people who passed in autos - (all between 1985 and 1998.) 2 of them found they needed to drive a manual for work and had to pass in a manual. But they did it relatively easily, and passed first time! (Because of 10-11 years of driving and being so used to the roads and the traffic.)

But the other 2 who passed in the late 80's and late 90's respectively, have never needed to drive a manual, and tootle around happily in the little autos!

All the best!

I was the same as you OP. So many lessons in a manual car and I just couldn't get to grips with it. Failed twice and switched to automatic. 5 lessons just to tighten up my skills and I passed first time.

Do it! You won't be hugely limited because of how many automatic cars there are nowadays.
I call my car the go-kart because of how easy it is!

Good luck. You can do this!!

20 lessons is nowhere near enough. Both me and my DS took hundreds! We got there eventually.

Took me 4 attempts and about 40 lessons (though with breaks while I was away from home) and I was on betablockers when I finally passed, because of nerves. I then hardly drove for 7 years and finally took a couple of refresher lessons when I got a car and started commuting - it was driving 45+ minutes twice a day on busy roads which really made me a driver.

You'll get there if you persist, but it's not easy. Good luck!

OP as you're an academic, the technical aspect of it might help.

1. The amount of fuel released changes depending on the gear you're in.

So, for take off, you need to be in first gear, as it releases a lot of fuel into the engine. You're going to need more fuel to take off than to maintain momentum.

1. To change gears, you need to press on the clutch. I've no idea what it does technically, but it allows you to change gears. I think it lowers some mechanism or something.
2. As you're gathering speed, you don't need as much fuel, so you change up a gear. Changing up a gear makes less revs and less fuel.
3. When stopping, you clutch, change down a gear and break (sometimes simultaneously).
4. I learned how to drive in a carpark. I was then brought around a very hilly town with my instructor telling me to change into 3rd having come around a corner and going up hill. I was saying, but 'it's decelerating as we're going uphill' My instructor was so good and saying, yes you're going good, change up to third gear anyway and keep your foot on the accelerator.
5. It is something that everyone can learn.
6. If you can find somewhere like a carpark to get the basics, you might then be ready for driving on roads. Don't be discouraged.

I don't think you should be taught the basics on a public road. It should be in an industrial estate or car park or something.

My instructor gave me a few lessons in an industrial park and that was marginally better but I'm still awful

Also I'm an academic but in the arts, I'm not remotely technically minded unfortunately!! I do usually learn new things fast though, like I pick up new IT systems etc very easily. So I feel I should be better at driving than I am.

People on here are always talking about needing to be able to drive a manual to keep your options open. But, on the whole, the vast majority of people only EVER drive their own car or their spouse's car. Both DH and I have manual licences (DH got his at 55, so don't give up hope OP), we both have automatic cars and have no need to drive any other cars. The only time I've driven a manual in the last decade was to test drive a new car as they didn't have an automatic in the showroom, but they could have got one in for me if needed, I would have just had to wait a few days.

Definitely switch to an automatic. You can hire automatic cars, my DN does whenever he is in the UK, there are just less of them about.

I would also strongly consider switching to a new instructor for a fresh start. I did several hours with an instructor and felt I was doing badly, and that I just couldn't get it. I switched to another one and made huge progress in just 3 or 4 lessons.

You know I never got on with driving lessons. I can drive now, and passed my test second time.

After spending nearly 30 hours learning to drive with two different instructors, I realised I didn’t feel comfortable with the lessons, rather Han the driving. My OH taught me to drive in the end in his car, and I took the test in his car. I was miles more at ease, and there is something about being able to have a paddy or a nervous breakdown when I stalled at traffic lights that made it less daunting!

I hate driving. I passed my test on my third try and have plain refused to drive for about 3 years. I get panic attacks and everything. I've started having to drive again because of my job and I'm slowly getting there. I really wish we could have an automatic because half my panic is not being in the right gear but dh is so snotty about them and won't even entertain the idea. Def try an automatic op.

I passed my test in a manual and drove manual cars for 15 years without bother. But 18 months ago I bought an automatic and driving it is really simple, if you're finding driving difficult then by all means try an auto.

Automatic gearboxes come in many different types these days and I'd be highly surprised if you couldn't find one that suits!

20 hours is nothing. My driving instructor was so infuriated with me he gave me free lessons for around 6 months till I passed. My friends passed after a few months but it took me ages. I can't remember if it was my 4th or 5th test I passed.

If learning in an automatic makes it easier for you then go for it.

@DiaryOfWimpyMumm

My driving instructor was so infuriated with me he gave me free lessons for around 6 months till I passed.

Blimey! You were very lucky. I have never known a driving instructor give free lessons to ANYONE, not even their own extended family, or their friends. And it's understandable, as that's their living, and their wages.

Several people I know are driving instructors, and they give their cousins children, and their nieces and nephews discounts, but around 20% off, not free! They don't give any free driving lessons to any family, let alone strangers who have just come to them for driving lessons.

Oh, a couple of them did give their own children free driving lessons, but that's it.

@mabelsgarden I should add it was over 20 years ago and he lived in the next street to my parents. He used to turn up at 10 am every Sunday morning for months. He liked a drink at the weekend too and came to see my parents after one of my fails and he had been drinking. My parents said he was in tears he was so frustrated I couldn't pass the test. It was a nightmare tbh

It took ages before I 'got' it, I have little coordination. Persevere with gears or you are forever going to drive automatic, very few hire cars in Europe are auto.