to not understand why I can't fucking drive?!

[Floatingfancy]

I've had 20 lessons and I cannot get the hang of it. What is wrong with me?! I am thirty years old. I have two degrees. There are teenagers out there happily passing without a second thought.

I still have not got the hang of gears. I stall constantly. I can't do all my checks while trying to sort the cocking gears. I live in SE London so it's very intimidating with a lot of fast and aggressive drivers.

I'm considering switching to automatic lessons but will that even be better?!?!

I feel like a complete failure for not being able to do this.

OP don't just consider the car. If you feel you're not learning effectively you need to consider the whole package as it were. Changing your instructor or your lesson schedule might be just as important as changing the car.

I took a 2 hour lesson once a week, no other practice, and it was about a year and two goes at the test to pass. In my late 20s and I also technically have two degrees. With hindsight I might have needed fewer lessons if I'd had them twice a week, but I couldn't afford it. But I guess I'm saying not everyone gets it super quick. (Plus I did a crapload of my lessons at night which is tricky but deffo made me a better driver.)

Its advanced multi tasking but you can do it. Just getting the coordination right . Nothing wrong with passing test in automatic. But then you can only drive automatic. V useful to be able to drive any car, hire van etc. Automatic more expensive and use more fuel.
If your road sense is ok, judging speed etc I strongly recommend having lessons more frequently. Two hours better than one and twice weekly better than once. If you did 2 hours twice a week you would notice the difference. Practice loads in between. You can get intensive course where you drive every day for a week, but childcare might be obstacle. This is one of those things that eludes you and then the penny drops. My friend took her test 5 times and was v cautious when she passsed. Now zipping up and down the country perfectly happy.

It could be your frightened of the acceleration, you can press a bit more, and just lift the clutch slowly to control your start of speed.

SE London is no picnic even with 20+ years’ experience like me. Definitely go for the automatic - it’s one less thing to coordinate.

Switch to automatic..it’s all I drive ..it’s made a huge difference to my confidence

I drive an automatic it's so much easier

Unless you think you will need to hire cars frequently I would switch to automatic. I have a manual licence but automatic is so much easier. In 15 years I doubt they will make new manual cars.

20 lessons is nothing OP. Don’t be discouraged you will get there, you need some more lessons that’s all.

I highly recommend driving a car with an automatic transmission.

Here in the U.S. you can take your test in an automatic or a stick shift (gears) and you can drive anything after you pass your test. There is no notation on your driver's license indicating the type of transmission you can drive.

Once you become competent driving an automatic it is easier to handle a vehicle with gears.

OP! Can you ride a bike with gears? The steeper the hill, the lower the gear. The faster you go, the higher the gear. It can be that simple. The rest comes with practice.

Most people have at least a year of lessons.

I haven’t read the full thread and hopefully several other posters have suggested an automatic.

I love driving a manual car. Much more control. And more options if you want to hire a car here or abroad etc.

Op maybe consider changing your instructor when I first had lessons I didn't click with my instructor so swapped and her style of teaching was great and I passed in no time. Also driving isn't a competition if you find an automatic easier and safer then go for it, most makes and model of car come in an automatic versions although the down side is they cost more to fix if you have engine trouble.

It seems to be sad but true that the older you get, the harder learning to drive is. I eventually passed third time at age 27 but it took over 120 lessons. I was SE London too, so not just busy also very hilly. Switching to an automatic would make it easier but restrict you to more expensive cars in the future.

The mantra that saw me eventually pass was mentally repeating to myself whenever I wanted to quit ‘ stupid people can do this - even Sun readers can do this’.

I am glad I persisted. It helped with work and later was a godsend when I had DC. However I always bloody hated driving and now DC are adults I only drive once or twice a week, if that.

Oh Lord, when I moved to London it was basically learn to drive all over again. Then when I moved to Europe the same. I used to have a graze on my left knuckle from reaching to change gear on the left and hitting my hand on the door when I had a right hand gear stick. I once stalled coming off the autobahn after a trip to Ikea with my mum and I just sat on the hard shoulder and wept!
Then DH got an automatic and I was able to drive. After a couple of years I bought a little car that was manual and it was fine because I'd processed all the changes.
I think automatics are more expensive and less common in the UK but give it a try.
Don't give up!

I hear you, I failed 4 manual tests in London over 20 years ago. I am dyspraxic, dyslexic and used to suffer panic attacks. I started to learn in an automatic last year, and recently failed my test as my instructor did not fully prepare me, found an awsom Female instructor who gets me. When I am with her I am so calm and confident, I have booked another test soon and don't feel scared.

I also have a good BA (hons), and an Msc too so why can't I pass tge sodding driving test.

I also have a degree and cannot pass my driving test. It's so annoying 🙄

Do auto!!
Also I think it’s harder when you’re slightly older as you are more aware!

No shame in an auto, modern ones are ace. You gave a hand free for your maccies too

OP what is your depth perception and 3d vision like?

One of my DC struggled with driving for no reason we could fathom whilst the others sailed through. His eye doctor suggested that one factor could be that his vision issues result in poorer depth and 3d vision that typical and this can translate into difficulties driving. He did learn some some tricks to work around this.

Trying the automatic seems sensible as it will give you time to practice on a road and build up confidence/road sense and you can always go back to manual in the future.

It took me ages to learn. IUstinov Ave had 100 lessons. I was crap! I couldn't reverse round a corner to save my life. My parents didn't drive so I didn't have any other practice time. I did pass first time though. Persevere and it will eventually click!

Definitely switch to automatic. I’ve recently got my first automatic and find London driving so much easier in it. DH grew up in the countryside and hates London driving but is much less reluctant in the automatic. I was very keen to get a manual as have been driving manuals for 15 years but actually there was a bigger choice of automatics in the garage as they’ve become so popular here.

Just over ten years ago I was stuck in a village and relying on family to get me and my 2 year old around. I had lessons in a manual before I got too pregnant to get behind the wheel. I went back to lessons when DS1 was 2 and just could not get the hang of gear changes.
My instructor borrowed an automatic....and after 25 mins in that he said 'you can drive, you just can't do gears'.
I passed my test 4 weeks later and the independence it gave me was remarkable.

I can't be arsed with the snobbery or attitude that sticking with manual is best.
You don't need to drive for work, you don't need to switch between fleet cars. Just get yourself an auto licence and enjoy the freedom it will give you.

I always hated driving but I learned to drive in an automatic car and with an instructor who explained things e.g. as you approach a roundabout, you look to see if it is clear and don't stop if it is clear because roundabouts were designed to speed up traffic! Blindingly obvious to some but not me. I have a high IQ but am really stupid about some things. I had a woman instructor before the instructor who got me through the test. She made me cry once and I still booked another lesson with her.