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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not understand why I can't fucking drive?!

158 replies

Floatingfancy · 20/04/2019 15:34

I've had 20 lessons and I cannot get the hang of it. What is wrong with me?! I am thirty years old. I have two degrees. There are teenagers out there happily passing without a second thought.

I still have not got the hang of gears. I stall constantly. I can't do all my checks while trying to sort the cocking gears. I live in SE London so it's very intimidating with a lot of fast and aggressive drivers.

I'm considering switching to automatic lessons but will that even be better?!?!

I feel like a complete failure for not being able to do this.

OP posts:
slashlover · 20/04/2019 16:12

I failed about 6 times in the manual, as soon as I went for my test my nerves got the best of me. I had 4 hours in the automatic and passed first time. If you really want to drive a manual then you can pass in the automatic and retake your test later in a manual once your confidence is up.

Yorkshiremum17 · 20/04/2019 16:12

It is years since I learned to drive but one thing that really helped me was to just sit in the car and run through all the gears without driving.I practised until I could find the gear without looking. Might be worth a go?

That being said, if you are genuinely un coordinated, go for automatic, I drive my mum's occasionally and it is a lot less to think about. Meaning you can concentrate on the traffic and all the other stuff!

Don't give up, you will get there.

Purplecatshopaholic · 20/04/2019 16:12

I failed my test a few times. Its worth it when you get there. And you will get there. Personally I wouldnt go down the automatic route as its limiting, but if you think it will work better for you then do it. Stick at it OP and good luck

SuperNoodly · 20/04/2019 16:13

I passed at 34 in an automatic. I had about 50 hours of lessons beforehand, and passed on my third attempt.

One of the hardest things I’ve ever done, and I am also educated, a professional and used to ‘being good at things’. Driving was a fucking nightmare to master!

Just keep at it (and switch to automatic!). You CAN do it.

PlatypusPie · 20/04/2019 16:13

Go for automatic - for stop/go London driving it is so ,so much easier.

I've been driving for decades - automatics used to feel frustrating to me (change you stupid thing! !) but now they are so well designed and smooth. Our last few family cars have been automatics and when I drove a manual hire car recently it just seemed so much work.

Kaykay06 · 20/04/2019 16:13

Whisky do shut up, are you one of those people who think there is only one way to do things? Your way or no way?

I’m dyslexic so driving a manual was really difficult for me.
Started lessons in an auto and passed my test In one and also no issues getting a car, have had many since passing my test and also a clean license since passing. I’m a nurse so needed to learn to drive as public transport doesn’t go near my hospital from where I live.
So I might not be able to drive a manual car but I can still get from a to b.

Shootingstar1115 · 20/04/2019 16:14

Well it took me a year of lessons before I finally passed (weekly lessons and passed second time) but I passed and 10 years on I am a good driver - I think!

I was shocking in lessons. My driving was okay, but parking, manoeuvring etc was terrible! I got there in the end.

Fortunately I didn’t have to learn to drive in a city though!

You will get there!

LadyRannaldini · 20/04/2019 16:14

I know this'll be an unpopular idea but convenient as it may be in your life, maybe driving isn't for you. We do have this idea that everyone can pass a test eventually but I get concerned at the idea that someone who got lucky the 20th time is now on the road!

RevealTheLegend · 20/04/2019 16:14

floating

Make the switch. Seriously.

One thing to consider, electric cars are very easy to drive, can’t stall them. With eVehicles and hybrids There’s going to be a much higher proportion of automatics on the road anyway in the next few years. It won’t be anything like as limiting as even a couple of years ago if you don’t quality drive a manual.

Whisky2014 · 20/04/2019 16:14

Tbh driving an automatic isn't really limiting and especially newer models where they adapt to winter driving etc.
I now drive an automatic and it's fucking awesome. Saves the faff!
Will wish you good luck!

RevealTheLegend · 20/04/2019 16:14

*qualify to

Bluesmartiesarebest · 20/04/2019 16:15

I had many more lessons than you (40) but passed first time once I switched to an automatic. I found it much easier once I could concentrate on the traffic instead of trying to coordinate the gears and clutch. I’ve since found out I’m mildly dyspraxic which explains why I found it so difficult to drive.

Whisky2014 · 20/04/2019 16:15

Whisky do shut up, are you one of those people who think there is only one way to do things? Your way or no way? nope!

staydazzling · 20/04/2019 16:16

I could have written your OP very similar situation x

Original poster
Floatingfancy · 20/04/2019 16:16

We won't be in London forever so I really do need to pass at some point.

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 20/04/2019 16:17

Try automatic, you might be pleasantly surprised. I’ve been driving manuals for 30years. Got an automatic 6! weeks ago - company car, no choice, though I was going to hate it - and it’s amazing. So simple. No need to think about changing gear at all, just “point and press”.

Topseyt · 20/04/2019 16:25

You are not a failure. Not everyone takes naturally to driving. Not all of us enjoy it. I am not a keen driver and really can understand how some people give up with it. I drive because I have to for where we live as there isn't much good public transport, I have teenagers and I also need to get to work.

I drive. I passed on a manual gearbox more than 30 years ago and since then have driven both manuals and automatics. Automatics are easier and might well offer a way forward for you. The car does the thinking for you with regard to years etc.

Give the automatic a good try and see how you get on with it.

Ariela · 20/04/2019 16:28

If you're struggling with co-ordinating gear change and clutch, then definitely change over to automatic, you've then a lot less to worry about. Pass that, get yourself a nice little automatic (lots of older people drive them, so plenty about secondhand). Then when you're totally confident and competent in your automatic get your OH to put you on the insurance as a learner in his manual car and start with journeys you are familiar with (so less to worry about) and get yourself up to speed with driving a manual. Then do a few lessons to check your technique is up to scratch, and pass in a manual.

Purpleartichoke · 20/04/2019 16:33

Manual cars used to be more fuel efficient. That is no longer true. There really isn’t any reason to drive manual anymore. Plus, you can always go back and learn manual later. That is what I did and since I had the driving part down solid, learning manual was easy.

cuppycakey · 20/04/2019 16:33

I am dyspraxic and it took me many many attempts to pass my test.

I drove a manual for a long time and always hated driving.

When I was diagnosed as dyspraxic at uni in my 40s it was like a bloody light bulb went off. I now drive an automatic and it is like a revelation. So so easy. Like driving a go - kart!!

FastnetLundyRockall · 20/04/2019 16:35

I learned age 42 and the gears did take me a while to get. For a good few lessons I had to look before changing them but trained myself out of it and practiced moving the gears while stationary before each lesson. Everyone stalls from time to time. As long as you don't panic and get yourself out of the stall calmly you'll be ok, I certainly stalled during most of my lessons! The key is really to listen to the engine and you can normally tell after a while when it needs a bit more pressure on the accelerator.

And the thing about more lessons needed the older you get isn't strictly true btw - a 78 year old woman had passed her test first go after 30 lessons a couple of weeks before I took mine.

Coronapop · 20/04/2019 16:36

I recently switched from a manual petrol car to a hybrid which is automatic. I have been really surprised at how much less stressful driving an automatic is. I would suggest you try an automatic.

FastnetLundyRockall · 20/04/2019 16:37

I don't know if she drove a manual though Smile

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/04/2019 16:39

People talk about Paris being a nightmare to drive around, well I have done it and I would much rather drive there than in London. I get sweaty palms, hyperventilating....I feel like I need a stay in hospital whenever I drive in London! Learning there must be an absolute nightmare.

Go for the automatic. A car is a bloody car at the end of the day, and if it was as limiting as people claim then it wouldnt be an option would it?

mummmy2017 · 20/04/2019 16:43

Practice it at home...
Honest the walk through in your head will help .
You need to get it into your learnt skill, so you can just do it and forget about the actual changing gears bit...
It might be good to book a whole day and go out on a drive, as in London your having to do too many gear changes to be able to relax into it ...