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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not understand why I can't fucking drive?!

158 replies

Floatingfancy · 20/04/2019 15:34

I've had 20 lessons and I cannot get the hang of it. What is wrong with me?! I am thirty years old. I have two degrees. There are teenagers out there happily passing without a second thought.

I still have not got the hang of gears. I stall constantly. I can't do all my checks while trying to sort the cocking gears. I live in SE London so it's very intimidating with a lot of fast and aggressive drivers.

I'm considering switching to automatic lessons but will that even be better?!?!

I feel like a complete failure for not being able to do this.

OP posts:
LtJudyHopps · 20/04/2019 15:57

OP I’m from North London. I totally get why you’re feeling overwhelmed, I say on a daily basis near enough that all drivers in London should have to re-take their test!! I pulled over for a ambulance the other day and cars kept flying past me, so ignorant!
Changing to automatic will probably help, and anything that makes you more confident is a good thing. When are you having your lessons? I used to have mine at around 7pm so most traffic had died down by that point. My brother is currently having his lessons and his instructor keeps arranging them for 2/3pm when all the school traffic is about!

Original poster
Floatingfancy · 20/04/2019 15:57

Wow I camnot comprehend this! I had 10 lessons in a manual and passed first time with a clean sheet

Delighted for you.

OP posts:
bombaychef · 20/04/2019 15:57

I was always told that to learn to drive takes as many lessons as your age . So the older we are the longer it takes. Can you get some one to take you to an empty car park some where to just practice gar changes?

Whisky2014 · 20/04/2019 16:00

Delighted for you thanks :)
If you're going to stall, put the clutch in....

secondday · 20/04/2019 16:00

@Whisky2014 I don't think bragging is really needed on this thread. Some people get it quickly, some people don't. I'm sure there are things you aren't good at.

Original poster
Floatingfancy · 20/04/2019 16:00

DH has taken me out loads and I'm no better with him. If anything I'm worse as I know it's solely me in control of the car!

OP posts:
Original poster
Floatingfancy · 20/04/2019 16:01

Gee thanks whisky, I'd never thought of that before

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 20/04/2019 16:02

I drive an automatic and would encourage anyone else to do so. Especially in urban areas.

Full disclosure, I lost count of the number of times I stalled during my first test. After the first time, I assumed that I had failed and treated the rest like a lesson.

Had to ask the examiner 'are you sure' when he said 'you have passed'

I drive an automatic now.

EmeraldShamrock · 20/04/2019 16:02

OP an automatic will be the answer.

Original poster
Floatingfancy · 20/04/2019 16:03

Right, def going to make the switch. Nothing to lose!

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 20/04/2019 16:03

This reply has been deleted

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autumndreaming · 20/04/2019 16:03

@Whisky2014 are you trying to make yourself look like such a massive twat 🙄

Xyzzzzz · 20/04/2019 16:04

Ignore whiskey. It’s not helpful and it’s just demoralising. You can do it and try auto might work might not, but nothing to lose by trying. All the best op!

Original poster
Floatingfancy · 20/04/2019 16:05

Just ignore whisky, they are being a GF on other threads too 🙄

OP posts:
BGD2012 · 20/04/2019 16:05

I was 29 when I passed after failing 3 tests. I've driven a manual for nearly 20 years and have just swapped to an automatic. It is like driving a pedal car, so easy!

TeddiesAreTakingOver · 20/04/2019 16:08

I did a few months of lessons in a manual and could not get used to the gears at all!! I gave up learning because I hated it so much. Started again a couple of years later in an automatic and passed my test pretty quickly and have been driving 9 years now! I would definitely give automatic a try and see how you get on. I really enjoyed driving when I switched.

Whisky2014 · 20/04/2019 16:08

Well actually you were the one saying you stall all the time and someone might just think the car has to stall after a certain point. After I said put the clutch in, you were sarcy to me....
I want you to pass which is why I said switch to automatic.

Fluffycloudland77 · 20/04/2019 16:09

Well all cars will be auto when the switch from petrol to electric happens so you might as well pass in an auto.

I’ve got an auto and when I use dhs manual it’s a pita.

ittakes2 · 20/04/2019 16:09

Just do an automatic test. Since I went to automatic I would never consider going back to a manual.

TeenTimesTwo · 20/04/2019 16:10

Great plan to go for an automatic.

DD1 has dyspraxia and she passed in an auto after ~70-80hrs driving. I'm certain it made all the difference, as she could concentrate on road positioning etc without having to think about gears.

It's like using the 'simplify' option on The Cube.

Original poster
Floatingfancy · 20/04/2019 16:10

Yes whisky, but your original post would be like me commenting on the thread of someone who is disappointed because they find a degree hard work, and saying "wow! Can't believe that, I started writing my dissertation two days before it was due and I got a first!"

OP posts:
BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 20/04/2019 16:10

It's true that only driving an automatic limits you a bit, but it's so much better to drive an automatic than not to drive at all. And anyway it won't be all that long before most cars are electric which means they will be automatic and the smugly effortless manual drivers will need to find other ways to boast about their gross motor skills. (I do have a full manual licence btw, and good gross motor skills, but all my cars have been automatic for the past 13 or so years just because it's better for city driving.)

QueenKubauOfKish · 20/04/2019 16:10

One of my (several!) driving instructors told me the older you are and the more educated you are, the longer it will take (as a generalisation). He said more educated people tend to overthink it and get in a flap.

I took ages to learn but one thing really helped - which is going to sound mad, but just in case it works for you... I started to think of the clutch and accelerator pedals like a pair of scissors that you close together and cross over each other, like scissor blades, to make them work. It made much more instinctive sense to me after that.

But yes an automatic is a good option too. Now I can drive, i quite like manual, but I've also driven an automatic and it takes the whole gear thing out of the equation, so much easier if they are a problem.

1990shopefulftm · 20/04/2019 16:11

I'm dyspraxic (a co-ordination disorder) and dyslexic, tried a manual and couldn't cope and had 15 lessons in an automatic a few years ago but the stress of it got to me. Although when we have kids, it might be tricky just having DH that can drive but for my sanity i've accepted perhaps i won't ever drive.
Definitely give an automatic a go, I certainly would not say you are a failure for struggling.

Rainbowshine · 20/04/2019 16:12

Look up learning styles, if you’re academic it’s likely that you find more practical learning by just getting on with something less natural. Automatic is easier, you have less to worry about and can focus on the other aspects of driving.