Mortified - should we leave?

[TreaclePumpkin]

My 2.5 year old was invited to his first party buba boy at nursery who has turned 3. I was so excited for him to go, but we are there right now. An hour in and an still hour to go. He is behaving terribly!

Won't play with anyone, won't sit at the table to eat, won't talk, won't engage at all. Won't even take his cardigan off and it's boiling. He can be quite a shy child, and takes time to warm up. But this is more than shyness, he is being rude with it.

WIBU to just pretend he is feeling unwell, make our excuses and leave?

There are only 10 kids, including him. So can't even hide in the crowd. I so wanted him to have a good time and I feel he is spoiling it for everyone.

No don’t leave, any decent parent will understand and it possibly feels worse to you than it possibly is. It’s a first party for both of you and it’s just a bit overwhelming for him but it’ll get better x

He's only a baby!! At 2 and a half you can't expect him to socialise much

I’d just tell the host that he may be feeling a bit overwhelmed at his first party so you’re going to take him home. Don’t worry or tell a fib, a lot of kids struggle at parties initially!

It's fine to leave. Don't feel embarrassed. Just say hes not really coping with it so you'll take him home now but thanks for the invite and you hope the rest goes well. Say it with a smile. As a mum I wouldn't bat an eyelid at a toddler needing to leave early.

If he's the only one misbehaving, I'd leave. If (more likely) it isn't a party of perfectly behaved kids, I'd stay, but leave promptly at the end.

Ten is a big group for a 3yo party!

My DD can be like this because she is very shy. I'd stick with it. Is there an activity he particularly enjoys that you can try and get him excited about?
My DD really likes the little boy next door, talks about him all the time. Every time she sees him she completely blanks him, he tries to play with her and she just looks at the floor. It's so frustrating but she'll grow out of it.

If he really is spoiling it for the others, then I would take him home tbh. I’d thank the host, say what a lovely time he’s had etc, but he’s obviously getting very tired and you don’t want him to spoil it for the others.

I feel he is spoiling it for everyone

If you think this is true, then leave.

He's 2, just leave him be. The host has a 3 yr old. Shell just be glad it's not hers out of sorts.

I agree with PP just tell her he's a bit overwhelmed. Leave if you want but I would just let him crack on at his own pace with little input from you unless needed.

He’s 2 years old, no one in their right mind would think he was being purposely rude - babies don’t have that level of processing capacity. I’d stay close to him, reassure him and let him stay unless he’s distressed.

Just to add there isn't a mother alive who doesn't recognise this shit in a toddler. None, it's nothing to be mortified about.

How is he spoiling it though? Just because he won't sit at the table or play with the others it's not affecting them surely? If he doesn't want to sit down just bring him a plate, and don't make a big deal of it

Possibly controversial but I’m going to suggest that if his behaviour is disrupting the party and ruining it for the birthday boy then YABU to stay.

I say this as I used to work at Kid’s Birthday parties and quite often there was one child who’s behaviour totally destroyed any party atmosphere and who upset other children and it would have always been much better if the child’s parent would have taken them home. These parties had cost a lot of money and taken lots of effort and so the party child’s parent were often pretty upset at the fact one child’s behaviour had ruined their child’s special day. I used to be there as things were winding down and the children had left and the parent of the badly behaved child would be dragged through the mud and the family of the birthday child would inevitably say “why couldn’t they just have taken him home rather than ruin it for everyone?!”. They didn’t feel like they could ask the badly behaved child to leave a party, understandably.

These were usually infant school aged children so much older than your little one. You also sound lovely and considerate and not at all oblivious like the parents above!

It’s not his fault at all and I can imagine it’s a bit overwhelming for him. It doesn’t sound like he’s enjoying himself either. Perhaps leaving early would be best for him and you? I’m sure the party family would understand. As he gets older and gets a few more parties under his belt I’m sure things will gradually improve.

He should not have the choice to keep his cardigan on at 2.5 years old. You are the parent, you make these decisions.

He isn't behaving terribly. He is just a 2yo. Perhaps it's a bit much for him. It's fine to say that to the host and leave.

He is feeling shy and overwhelmed and you are seeing it as rudeness

He sounds like a perfectly normal toddler. I'd leave a little early but only because it sounds as though he's had enough and is overwhelmed. Two hours is a long time for children so young.

In fact I'd probably leave every sooner rather than later.

Just take his cardigan off! Good grief.

I think you’re overthinking this, OP. He’s not being “rude” and unless he’s snatching people’s things and throwing them on the floor, or screaming so loudly people’s ears are bleeding, I’m sure he’s not spoiling the party for everyone else.

Let him join in if he wants, leave him if he doesn’t. It’s his first party; he’s probably overwhelmed. Take him home if he wants to go or if he’s being horrifically naughty but don’t take him home for anyone else’s sake just because he doesn’t feel like joining in. Let him watch.

But for pity’s sake just take his cardigan off him!

Please stop seeing this as rudeness. It is nothing of the sort.

If it’s stressing you out take him home, but do NOT be upset with him.

Take him outside for a breath of fresh air
Decide if he's overwhelmed or being naughty, then decide what you're doing.
Are you going and playing with him to help.

It is coming across as you being embarassed that he won't join in, rather than him actually spoiling the party. Were you more excited than he was about the party (you mention 'I was so excited for him to go) because he is still young and if he is shy, then it may be overwhelming for him.

I think I probably would take him home if he's not enjoying it. If I was one of the other parents I might wonder why you were making him stay if he was struggling with it but I don't think I would see him as rude - he's too small to be expected to pretend he's having fun if he's not.

If it's not working for him for whatever reason then just take him home! Don't lie, just explain that's it's not working for him, thank the host for inviting him and leave.

Obviously we're not there so we can't be sure, but I'm willing to bet he's not causing as much of a fuss as you think he is. They're 2 and 3 year olds, normal people don't really expect much of them at parties. So long as he isn't breaking things or physically hurting the other children I doubt anyone is really bothered.