Mortified - should we leave?

[TreaclePumpkin]

My 2.5 year old was invited to his first party buba boy at nursery who has turned 3. I was so excited for him to go, but we are there right now. An hour in and an still hour to go. He is behaving terribly!

Won't play with anyone, won't sit at the table to eat, won't talk, won't engage at all. Won't even take his cardigan off and it's boiling. He can be quite a shy child, and takes time to warm up. But this is more than shyness, he is being rude with it.

WIBU to just pretend he is feeling unwell, make our excuses and leave?

There are only 10 kids, including him. So can't even hide in the crowd. I so wanted him to have a good time and I feel he is spoiling it for everyone.

If he genuinely is ruining the party for others I'd take him out. If he's just not really joining in, then I don't think there's any need for you to leave.

The other parents will totally understand either way - don't feel mortified!

Is not joining in misbehaving or is he kicking off and making a fuss?

He's 2. He's hardly going out his way to "be rude". Cut him some slack, it's probably very overwhelming for someone so small. Being shy & quiet is hardly acting terribly. I doubt very much he's ruining the party - he's only ruining your idyllic mental image of how you wanted him to act.

My dd went through a phase where she always kicked off at parties. After the first two or three I started warning her that if she did it we'd be going straight home - only had to act on it once (at the next party!) and she didn't do it again.

If he's disrupting the party, I'd go home.

He’s not really being rude if he’s 2.5. He’s just having a new experience and dealing with it how he can. Parents will understand. Stick it out, it’s the only way he will learn.

He's not being disruptive though, he's just not being as sociable as you think he should be.
Plenty of adults are pretty much like this at parties as well, there's nothing rude about it. Not everyone is a party animal. Maybe socialising comes easy to you so you don't understand that?

He’s not even three, he’s behaving like little kids do!

Thank you all. We stayed in the end. Leaving now. He warmed up a little bit, but not much. I think (hopefully) he was

Feeling pretty bad right now, because he actually seems a bit under the weather. He was ok first thing, but I sense something is brewing.

I did take the cardigan off, but didn't force it at first because I just didn't want to cause a scene.

My two year old is an absolute nightmare, he can create havoc in an empty room so I totally sympathise. They are really young though and all the other parents will just be glad it's not their kid.

FWIW I also have a three year old who behaves beautifully in those situations. It's not your parenting, a lot of the time it's just their personality.

Sorry - posted that too early. But basically wanted to say he wasn't being loudly disruptive or anything, just wouldn't join in. I felt like he was bring the mood of the party down a bit - even the entertainer gave up on him. But I don't think the other kids really cared. Probably more just me. Hopefully the other parents understand and if we don't get any more invitations for a while, that is fine by me!

@feelingverylazytoday socialising doesn't come easy to me at all! Daddy is the social butterfly of the family. I hope he's not this way because he senses that I am...

It will feel like this to you but I doubt the other parents will notice. They will be too busy wrangling their own children and noticing all the minor things they are doing. Unless he is hitting other kids, pushing, biting and throwing a tantrum no one else will be monitoring how much he joins in.

It is a party. At this age they will all be overwhelmed and hyper. DD’s party was essentially one mass of screaming kids on a bouncy castle.

Aw man I get you op.

It’s so stressful when it should just be fun.

Don’t take him away, he’s still very young and will have plenty of parties to go to.

Won't play with anyone, won't sit at the table to eat, won't talk, won't engage at all.

This doesn't sound like bad behaviour, just overwhelmed/shy behaviour.

Just hang out with him and he may well warm up. My older ones were both the same.

Any one who judges hasn’t had a young child recently

If you would feel more comfortable going, then just say.... oh he’s in a bit of a mood and tired, we will head off, really sorry.

Or if you would like to stick, then just ride it out. Will be over soon

I so wanted him to have a good time of course you did and you're disappointed he is acting up by refusing to join in but in future please don't worry about others if he is otherwise sitting quietly.

Don't feel bad - just leave. Thank the host, leave the pressie & get out as gracefully as he will allow!

I've been there - all kids have 'those' days & usually at THE most inconvenient time! I remember 1 party in particular where my son was a nightmare & I eventually left with him sobbing his head off but 10mins later he was fine & back to his normal self- I figured he'd just been unable to tell me properly what was bothering him.

I would speak to the host parent (or send a note), saying thanks for the party and mentioning the shyness. Having other parents you get on with and who understand makes a world of difference in these situations.

Aww! He sounds a bit shy! And parties will take a bit of getting used to I think.

I don't think that's bad behaviour unless he's going round snatching kids toys and hitting them on the head with them!

OP don't feel bad he is very little! most if not all parents will have been in similar situations and be understanding..

My DD was shy, what helped her was role play at home about what you do at a party....just made it fun....but got her used to going up to pretend Birthday child and saying Happy Birthday and giving Gift. Sitting at the table..mention yummy food and cake! Blowing candles, wait for Birthday child to do this!!! (my ds would always try to jump in, he was NOT shy)
Also practiced saying Thank you for having me to parent before going.
Then we would talk about what was going to happen in the car on the way to parties each time...and praise on the way home for any good manners....
We often forget they don't automatically know what to do in these situations!

I felt like he was bring the mood of the party down a bit

Are you sure that it wasn't just that it brought your mood down a bit because you'd gone in with such high hopes for how much he'd join in and how much fun he'd have?

He’s 2.5yo. It’s his first peer party. Being overwhelmed will manifest in numerous ways. I wouldn’t sweat it.

I felt like he was bring the mood of the party down a bit - even the entertainer gave up on him.

That sounds really sad. It was his first party! I think you were expecting a bit much, to be honest. Some children don’t want to dive in straight away; some do. My dd19 was always an observer; she’d watch from the sidelines until she was ready to join in. Trying to push her just resulted in anxiety. She even hates being centre of attention now on her birthday and she asks people to talk among themselves when she’s opening presents. She still enjoys them; she’s just very introverted.

Everybody’s different and there’s no right or wrong. It sounds almost as if he was bringing your mood down and you projected this onto “the party”/other people. Next time just let him find his own pace and ease off on the worry. He won’t “catch” introversion from you but if he senses you getting anxious and trying to push him into joining in because you are stressed then he’ll pick up on that.

How does a baby bring the mood of a party down? Give him a cuddle and some reassurance.

Mine did this. She had just turned 3 and I was playing with her in the main play hall etc. But when it was time to go down and eat and have the cake, she wouldn't budge. I was left in there on my own trying to wrangle her down and she was having a right tantrum! We got there in the end. Don't leave. Most parents would have been in similar situations at some point.