Boyfriend has just gone and bought a pug.

[Pugpigprick]

I'm not sure where to start really and I'm still in shock. Just for a bit of background; we're both mid twenties, in a fairly long distance relationship but were hoping on renting our own place in the next couple of months (he's still at his parents/I rent my own flat).

On Wednesday night he calls me to tell me he's getting a pug - I laughed it off thinking he was joking. I phoned him back and said we weren't in a position to get a dog as we both work long hours, we both quite often are working away etc. I also mentioned that a lot of landlords won't rent to dogs etc. I also told him it should be something we should both decide (I'm really not a fan of dogs and prefer other breeds 100%).

Now the other issue is that on Wednesday night he told me it was his dog, after I (calmly lost my shit) he said it's for his mum as she's been down and feeling lonely (absolutely great idea - she loves dogs and wants one) - all is resolved I'm not having to spend the next 12 years having to deal with the bad decision of puggy... I apologise on Thursday morning for getting the wrong end of the stick as his mum is going to love it. I got bollocked for ruining his moment as he was so excited and he doesnt like being told what to do.

But yesterday he comes home with said pug and it's his dog (or now as he's calling it a family dog but his). It's going to live at his family home and everyone is queuing up to look after it - which he believes it will still happens when he moves out with the pug as it's a 'family dog' that everyone will look after it (guess he's decided we're moving locally then).

I can't get over that he's made such a big decision for both of us - I don't want to be tied down to a dog right now (would be completely different if I met him and he already had a dog) but I'm more upset that he thinks I'm being unreasonable for being upset.

Sorry if this doesn't make much sense as my head's all over the place.

He’s either too stupid, too immature or too narcissistic to admit that he’s made an impulse buy of a living creature needing a 10-17 year commitment. Whatever the reason, he needs to own his own decisions and admit responsibility when he’s wrong.

It doesn’t sound like he’s capable of that so whines about you being unreasonable, he’s done it for his Mum, and so on. He’s deflecting that alone is enough reason to end it.

As well as that he’s contributed to puppy farming which is another sign of his stupidity and lack of thought.

If you end it and he keeps turning up at unwanted places then report him for harassment.

My stbxh decided to buy me a dog "for my birthday." I had never said I wanted a dog, it was a breed he liked and I didn't and I'm physically disabled and couldn't possibly have looked after it. He got bored within days/weeks and didn't clean up after it or take it for a walk for days or weeks at a time. The poor dog was a state and really anxious, depressed and played up a lot. I demanded that the dog was rehomed if he wasn't prepared to look after it and he refused until we got so many complaints we were threatened with court action. Thankfully the dog has gone to a good home with people who have given him the life he should have had. STBXH has been rehomed too. I think his behaviour said a lot about him and for that reason I would want nothing to do with someone who behaves so irresponsibility about a pet.

I can't say anything more than the sterling advice given by previous posters on this thread, but they're right, you know.

You don't have a dog problem, you have a boyfriend problem.

"I need to dump him which is fairly impossible task. When I've done it before he's turned up at my work/flat etc."
It's not impossible, however difficult he makes it. I would normally prefer to dump face-to-face, but I now get why you were considering a letter.

So you just have to dump him, then hold the line. Tell him when you dump him that if he turns up at your work/flat etc. that he will not be welcome, he will not be allowed in, he will be asked to leave, and that you will call the police and report him for harassment and/or stalking. The relationship is over, accept it, move on, why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want you?

Can he even reach you at work? If your job isn't public-facing, he can't access you. If it is, maybe forewarn your boss and he can be formally asked to leave?

Oh, and do it by text. Then block.

So you just have to dump him, then hold the line. Tell him when you dump him that if he turns up at your work/flat etc. that he will not be welcome, he will not be allowed in, he will be asked to leave, and that you will call the police and report him for harassment and/or stalking

All of this. He doesn’t get to manipulate you in to taking him back.

I love dogs. I would kick DH out if he came home with a pug!

You CAN break up with him.

As others have said, do it by text. Allow him one questioning, grovelling phone call then don’t take anymore of his calls. Block him on SM. I wouldn’t block him on the phone or emails immediately. I’d let him ask/say what he needs to for a bit. If he doesn’t stop after a bit, block him then

Be strong. Do it and STAY apart. You’re worth SO much more. 🌷

It's a family dog after all for his whole family (he keeps saying this but he only lives with his mum).
Does his mum Actually know and agree she will now have a dog to look after, walk, feed and water, clean/pick up poo after it, maybe take to vets etc as her son will be at work for 10+ hours a day and often away? And she's OK with it?

I know I need to dump him but he'll put me in a bad light.
It will still be worth it! Anyway you can more than hold your own argument from the tone of your posts. And I wonder whether those who you think might judge you don't already have a clear idea of what he's really like?

I need to dump him which is fairly impossible task. When I've done it before he's turned up at my work/flat etc.
This is suddenly more serious.

Does he have keys to your current home? If so you'll need to organise new locks on your door and a chain on the inside of the door. Speak to the landlord first if you are renting. Warn work about him if necessary so he can be asked to leave.

Thank goodness you had not already moved in/signed rental a contract with him.

Be firm OP: this is definitely not the man for you. ((Hugs))

I think he’s showing a huge lack of maturity here and you’re right to consider what you want going forward.

When I've done it before he's turned up at my work/flat etc.

This is disturbing behaviour and not normal at all.
It also shows a complete lack of respect for you.

It would be a huge mistake to stay with the man irrespective of the pug

You wrote earlier something along the lines of “we have been getting on really well this week” which I thought was a bit odd too.
Honestly this doesn’t sound like a good/healthy relationship- as others have highlighted he showing you your future .
It’s one where he does what he likes and gets what he wants and you sit down and shut up because you are spoiling his fun.

Leave him and when you do put in writing that you want “no further contact either by social media, phone, text or in person. if he does you will consider it harassment” and if/when he starts with the stalking (which is what it is) you should contact the police who will hopefully nip it in the bud.

The name for a person who refuses to be dumped is 'stalker'