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Original poster

Boyfriend has just gone and bought a pug.

137 replies

Pugpigprick · 19/04/2019 09:22

I'm not sure where to start really and I'm still in shock. Just for a bit of background; we're both mid twenties, in a fairly long distance relationship but were hoping on renting our own place in the next couple of months (he's still at his parents/I rent my own flat).

On Wednesday night he calls me to tell me he's getting a pug - I laughed it off thinking he was joking. I phoned him back and said we weren't in a position to get a dog as we both work long hours, we both quite often are working away etc. I also mentioned that a lot of landlords won't rent to dogs etc. I also told him it should be something we should both decide (I'm really not a fan of dogs and prefer other breeds 100%).

Now the other issue is that on Wednesday night he told me it was his dog, after I (calmly lost my shit) he said it's for his mum as she's been down and feeling lonely (absolutely great idea - she loves dogs and wants one) - all is resolved I'm not having to spend the next 12 years having to deal with the bad decision of puggy... I apologise on Thursday morning for getting the wrong end of the stick as his mum is going to love it. I got bollocked for ruining his moment as he was so excited and he doesnt like being told what to do.

But yesterday he comes home with said pug and it's his dog (or now as he's calling it a family dog but his). It's going to live at his family home and everyone is queuing up to look after it - which he believes it will still happens when he moves out with the pug as it's a 'family dog' that everyone will look after it (guess he's decided we're moving locally then).

I can't get over that he's made such a big decision for both of us - I don't want to be tied down to a dog right now (would be completely different if I met him and he already had a dog) but I'm more upset that he thinks I'm being unreasonable for being upset.

Sorry if this doesn't make much sense as my head's all over the place.

OP posts:
stofi · 19/04/2019 10:12

His actions suggest to me that he's not really ready to leave his mum home.

Goldmandra · 19/04/2019 10:12

IceCreamAndCandyfloss

He's an adult so can make his own decisions and shouldn't be told what he can and can't do by another adult.

he should have git a rescue dog instead

You can see the irony in this ^ can't you?

That aside, he is an adult who has been planning to move in with another adult and fully expects this still to happen. By making a decision that will affect both of them and then criticising the OP for not being thrilled, he is indicating clearly that her needs and wishes are to be dismissed in favour of his own.

I suspect he would be allowed to adopt a rescue dog because he's demonstrated very clearly that his wishes will be prioritised over the dog's.

Davespecifico · 19/04/2019 10:12

I think the dog business has highlighted why you should split with him. He sounds like he likes his own way a bit too much.

Hearhere · 19/04/2019 10:12

He sounds like a pain in the ass bad news sort of Man

Hearhere · 19/04/2019 10:14

It sounds as if he's going to use this dog as a pawn to help him control and manipulate things

Goldmandra · 19/04/2019 10:14

his wishes will be prioritised over the dog's.

That was meant to say " his wishes will be prioritised over the dog's needs."

BertieBotts · 19/04/2019 10:16

Are you thinking of having kids with him or marrying him? Please don't. If it's a casual relationship fine. If you're looking for something serious, here's your early warning sign, and it's a massive neon flashing one.

You can't trust him to make decisions you're OK with in your absence which affect both of you. Crucial for marriage.

He doesn't take hugely responsible decisions seriously. Hasn't done the slightest bit of research into getting a dog (that would have told him about puppy farms being the likely source of these "immediate purchase" dogs) Not the greatest trait in a potential father.

He can't cope with you pointing this out ("so excited" "being told what to do") - expecting to have a say in something you're going to be jointly responsible for for 10+ years is not "telling him what to do", it is being a grown up. If he doesn't want to have discussions like this he will be a nightmare to co-parent with, honestly.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 19/04/2019 10:16

And you do know the price of pugs, don't you?

Look online.

You will be shocked, especially as you are supposedly saving for a home together.

IHateUncleJamie · 19/04/2019 10:18

Like pps, I would run a mile at this. Not only has he shown himself to be an immature selfish twat but it’s clear that he knows and cares nothing about dogs and their welfare.

Dogs are only slightly less of a commitment and huge decision than having a child. For a healthy dog you’ve got to think in terms of 10-17 years’ lifespan. Nobody should ever get a dog on a whim and all that will happen is that your BF will have contributed to puppy farming and the poor dog will end up being rehomed at some stage.

This “man” is showing you who he is. Listen, then ditch him.

Moomoomoomoomoo · 19/04/2019 10:22

he doesnt like being told what to do.

Read this. Keep reading this. This is how he is going to be when you live with him, so have a think about how you want your life to go.

He’s already shown it by coming home with a dog. He’s also never lived away from home, does he do chores? Or does that fall under not liking being told what to do as well...

MerryMarigold · 19/04/2019 10:24

I would ask him if he's planning on moving in with you WITHOUT the dog or stay with his mum WITH the dog. That is not an unreasonable question at all. If he thinks that's unreasonable then you have your answer. But please, please don't start looking at places which will accommodate the dog, plus that are nearby to his mum in order to accommodate dog etc. etc.

CKWattisthemanager · 19/04/2019 10:25

What they all said. He sounds like an immature pillock.

WildfirePonie · 19/04/2019 10:26

Dogs are a commitment, everyone involved has to have a say but he's just gone and bought whatever dog he fancied. Did he research the breed, will he be crate training the dog, what diet will he feed him, raw or commercial? Did he even visit the breeders home? Did he see the pups mother and father/siblings together? Does the dog come with any papers, free insurance for one month? Has he checked how much insurance is? Will he have ongoing contact and support from the breeder? Is he taking him to training lessons?

He sounds immature tbh.

Pugs tend to have breathing problems and will need surgery!

Do you even want to move to his area? Do you want to be stuck walking the dog every day or cleaning up dog poop? I don't think he will take full responsibility and you will end up taking care of it. If it's not what you want then don't move in with him!

HollowTalk · 19/04/2019 10:28

He's clearly used to making rash decisions without any thought of the consequences. Why would you want to be involved with someone like this?

Also he disregards your opinion - in fact it didn't enter his head that it had anything to do with you. Again, why would you be involved with him?

And he's never left home. You're long distance; you're in for a lot of shocks if you move in with this man.

BlueJava · 19/04/2019 10:28

I got bollocked for ruining his moment he doesn't like being told what to do

Read what you have written - there are more red flags here than a dog. He also decideing for both of you - another red flag. I wouldn't want a pug (they are bred to have deformed muzzles and have breathing issues) and he's playing games... "it's my dog... it's a family dog".

I'd be grateful this has shown him in his true colours and I'd leave him before I got further involved. Sounds an utter knob - sorry OP.

Gamechanger12e3 · 19/04/2019 10:28

If your completely honest with yourself OP, do you think he honestly wants to move in with you?

Is he making any efforts to save/plan the move without your pushing/efforts? Or is it you doing most the planning?

It seems as though the dog is a symbol that he has no real plans to move in with you but is maybe just telling you what you want to hear.

EvaHarknessRose · 19/04/2019 10:28

Its ok for him to make the decision but its ok for you to not be ok with it. Decisions have consequences and it sounds like this was his first grown up mistake. I would stop making plans to move in and take this as a welcome warning sign.

Bambamber · 19/04/2019 10:33

I hope it can breath normally, they're noisy little fuckers when their noses are practically absent.

I would treat this as an eye opener, and treat this as a lucky escape. Thankfully he did it now rather than after you move in together

wittyusermane · 19/04/2019 10:39

Responsibly bred pugs (or at least as responsibly bred as you get with pugs) are mega bucks. My friend bought one last year and lots of breeders were charging around the 2k mark.

Anyway, YANBU, I'd be pissed off too for lots of reasons!

Her0utdoors · 19/04/2019 10:43

He's made it clear that he isn't committed to a future with you. Same but different, my mil got a dog at the same time her first two grand children were born, she'd half joked she wouldn't be doing any childcare, having an elderly rescue dog to care for made sure she was busy.

SusanneLinder · 19/04/2019 10:46

I have a rescue puggle ( pug crossed with beagle). Doesn't have the breathing problems of pure pugs, but they are a LOT of work. Mine is a 9th mth old pup, and he is a ball of energy. Worse than my very lazy huge lurchers. My DH is at home all the time, but not the sort of dog I'd be getting if working. Intelligent little dogs, but they need a lot of training.

bookmum08 · 19/04/2019 10:58

Why is everyone assuming he got the dog by iffy means and that he knows nothing about dogs - the OP doesn't say that!
It could be that yes he did buy it from some bloke on the internet or it could be that he got it from a rescue ("buying a dog" being a figure of speech) and he has been walking his neighbours dogs and helping out at a local rescue centre since he was 12 or something. We don't know. I am kinda feeling sorry for this guy that everyone (here) seems to be jumping on calling him a terrible guy!
OP you need to have a proper talk with him about your possible future life - where you want to live, the lifestyle you want and all that and decide if you still want to be together. To me it sounds like you are at different stages of life and possibly he isn't for you.
I hope the pug is healthy and will be looked after properly.

Petalflowers · 19/04/2019 11:00

In the interest of research (and an excuse to post cute pug puppy pictures...)

pug puppies and prices

Thecabbageassasin · 19/04/2019 11:04

He sounds very immature and lacking in forward thinking.

He knows that the plan was to move into rented accommodation with you, something that’s notoriously difficult with pets, but still went ahead.

He knows that you both work long hours, so what was the plan for the dog. He’s now trying to palm it off as a family dog, with little regard for the animals welfare.

He’s quite happy to jeopardise your joint plans, so he can have a sodding dog. His needs will always trump yours and you’ll be forever comprising yourself to accommodate them.

I would be moving on and leaving him with his dog.

Missingstreetlife · 19/04/2019 11:05

Deal breaker. Literally. Hope his mum will take the dog on.
Keep your nice flat op. Leave this loser to it

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