Boyfriend has just gone and bought a pug.

[Pugpigprick]

I'm not sure where to start really and I'm still in shock. Just for a bit of background; we're both mid twenties, in a fairly long distance relationship but were hoping on renting our own place in the next couple of months (he's still at his parents/I rent my own flat).

On Wednesday night he calls me to tell me he's getting a pug - I laughed it off thinking he was joking. I phoned him back and said we weren't in a position to get a dog as we both work long hours, we both quite often are working away etc. I also mentioned that a lot of landlords won't rent to dogs etc. I also told him it should be something we should both decide (I'm really not a fan of dogs and prefer other breeds 100%).

Now the other issue is that on Wednesday night he told me it was his dog, after I (calmly lost my shit) he said it's for his mum as she's been down and feeling lonely (absolutely great idea - she loves dogs and wants one) - all is resolved I'm not having to spend the next 12 years having to deal with the bad decision of puggy... I apologise on Thursday morning for getting the wrong end of the stick as his mum is going to love it. I got bollocked for ruining his moment as he was so excited and he doesnt like being told what to do.

But yesterday he comes home with said pug and it's his dog (or now as he's calling it a family dog but his). It's going to live at his family home and everyone is queuing up to look after it - which he believes it will still happens when he moves out with the pug as it's a 'family dog' that everyone will look after it (guess he's decided we're moving locally then).

I can't get over that he's made such a big decision for both of us - I don't want to be tied down to a dog right now (would be completely different if I met him and he already had a dog) but I'm more upset that he thinks I'm being unreasonable for being upset.

Sorry if this doesn't make much sense as my head's all over the place.

[Goldmandra]

I think it's clear that this is the future for your relationship.

He will make decisions without you, then berate you for not telling him it was the right thing to do.

He is treating you badly, then, instead of apologising and acknowledging your emotional response, he is making you responsible for his emotions and criticising you for not prioritising them over your own.

You have a choice. Continue in the relationship whilst the behaviour gradually escalates and you are trained to take responsibility for his well-being over your own at all times or walk away.

[viccat]

What an immature and stupid thing to do. He has shown zero consideration for animal welfare (reputable breeders don't have dogs available without a waiting list so definitely from a puppy farm and needs a vet check ASAP!) or for you and the rest of his family.

This would be a deal breaker for me for sure.

[FineWordsForAPorcupine]

There's so much wrong with this - for a start, pugs are a very unhealthy breed and suffer with a stunning array of health conditions. Your boyfriend needs to get used to paying vet bills.

Secondly, to "come home" with a dog is a very bad sign - any reputable breeder has a waiting list and it's usual to visit the puppies, put down a deposit and wait for them to be old enough to leave their mother. Your boyfriend answered an ad online, paid cash and got the dog on the spot, didn't he? It's from a puppy farm. I don't care what bullshit the seller spun him, that's what happened.

Thirdly, your boyfriend is lying like a child to "get out of trouble" - oh, it's mine, no, it's my mum's, no it's a family dog.

None of these are good signs. And I say that as someone who loves dogs and would be delighted if her boyfriend wanted one too.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

It is supposedly a family dog. Once you move in together this I would assume is a big step toward the two of you becoming a family - with or without children and with or without marriage. YANBU. He sounds by immature. How old are you both?

[Mummyoflittledragon]

by = very

[64sNewName]

He’s showing you his true colours here. Ignoring/minimising/lying, making big decisions that affect you without your input.

I know we often say LTB jokingly, but it really doesn’t sound like he’s a good person to plan a future with.

[Singlenotsingle]

Who is going to be primary dog walker and poo picker?
Actually, I did this too! Decided I wanted a dog, dp said no, so I went out and bought one! He came home and pointed to the sofa and said, "What's that?" And it's been a huge success. Everybody adores her!
(Not to be recommended though, unless you know your dp loves dogs)

[IncrediblySadToo]

He’s telling you who he is, LISTEN.

He doesn’t care about you not wanting a dog.

He doesn’t care about you wanting a different breed if you agreed to a dog.

Basically, he doesn’t care what you think!

He doesn’t care it will make finding a rental property very difficult.

He’s assuming you’ll move near his Mum’s (probably into his Mum’s)

He’s lying to you about whose dog it is.

He’s then telling you ‘he won’t be told what to do’ (ie no joint decisions, you’re expected to just put up & shut up)

& more.

You would be absolutely stupid not to break up with the twat before you get any deeper in. ‘But I love him’ - bah! There are FAR better men out there for you to spend your life with!

Plus, NEVER move in with a guy who has never lived on his own. NEVER. Unless that is you want to be Mammy to a 6ff toddler.

[64sNewName]

Your boyfriend answered an ad online, paid cash and got the dog on the spot, didn't he? It's from a puppy farm. I don't care what bullshit the seller spun him, that's what happened.

^^ this too! I’m not a dog owner so this bit didn’t cross my mind, but it’s awful actually. Definitely worth addressing with him (not that I imagine he will listen)

[Kpo58]

Does your boyfriend even earn enough to pay for a twice daily dogwalker, pet insurance and any long term vet treatments that insurance won't pay out for? That's before looking at normal household bills.

[AWishForWingsThatWork]

He sounds too immature to be in a relationship: he lives at home, pretends he's buying a dog for his mum, decides he's keeping the dog ... all when he knows you adamantly do no want a dog in your life right now for very good reason. Shows selfishness and an inability to think this through or include the person who is supposed to matter most in big life decisions .... getting a dog is a big responsibility.

I would tell him you really hope he and his new pug (don't even get me started there) are very happy together, but you're out.

Find a grown up for your next relationship.

[IncrediblySadToo]

He's an adult so can make his own decisions and shouldn't be told what he can and can't do by another adult. That would be a control issue to me

Oh don’t be ridiculous. If something (big) impacts your PARTNER then you need to discuss it, come to an agreement or separate. You don’t just get to do whatever YOU want to anymore.

[Trippedupagain]

I'd like to second everything @finewordsareforporcupines said and add my own little note that renting with a dog is very very difficult. Most landlords will tell you upfront that they won't take pets and there is no room for negotiation. We had to rent somewhere a couple of years ago with our elderly lab and in the end had to pay £1,000 a month for a very modest place because they would take the dog and nowhere else would.

[NerdyBird]

Yeah it's your boyfriend's dog. All this it's for my mum, it's a family dog is rubbish. It also sounds like he's not overly caring of the dig anyway if he's planning to ditch it on his family.
I'd re-think this relationship.

[Whisky2014]

And how much did he pay for it? Ate.you not saving to rent somewhere?

[Dahlietta]

Secondly, to "come home" with a dog is a very bad sign - any reputable breeder has a waiting list and it's usual to visit the puppies, put down a deposit and wait for them to be old enough to leave their mother.

We're assuming of course that the boyfriend hasn't done the above - there's a chance that he has been on a waiting list for ages, but just hasn't told the OP!

[HBStowe]

YANBU - that’s a huge decision to foist on you. And he shouldn’t have got a pug particularly, the poor things have been so grossly overbred they are now deformed and usually need intensive and painful veterinary treatment.

[IncrediblySadToo]

I am steaming about the way he got a dog, and that it’s a pug, and the absolutely zero thought he’s clearly given to owning a dog - but I was trying not to go off on that tangent because whether it was a dog or something else, the relationship issues are the same. But doing what he’s done with the dog would be a deal breaker for me. Absolutely.

[gamerchick]

Well you won't be moving in together now will you? I couldn't live with someone again straight from mummies house, it never ends well.

[FilledSoda]

You didn't get the wrong end of the stick , he changed his story, he's a liar .
I wonder does his mum know it's her dog.
He's selfish and immature and he doesn't care what you think .
The absolute blessing in this is that he showed you who he is before you set up home together .
Count your lucky stars and run .

[NotStayingIn]

For me this would be the end as I could never be with someone with so little regard for animals. You don’t get a pet unless it’s a very well thought out decision and you yourself can care for it - surely that is just basic common sense! Personally I would adopt, god knows where he got this dog. I would want to know what background checks he did to ensure he didn’t contribute to a puppy farm. If non I wouldn’t want anything more to do with him as we just wouldn’t be on the same page on issues that are important to me.

But I do get that not everyone will get as angry about it as me. Proceed with caution given the other red flags.

[Romax]

were hoping on renting our own place in the next couple of months (he's still at his parents/I rent my own flat).

By the sounds of it... you are hoping
He’s not bothered

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

Leave him!

He doesn't give a damn about you.

He doesn't give a damn about the dog.

Animals (especially dogs) are a huge responsibility. They need company - not just food and water and the occasional cuddle. This poor dog will be desperately lonely and unhappy. As others have said, it will most likely be very badly bred as a decent breeder would NOT sell a puppy into this sort of situation - so you are looking at vet's bills and heartbreak as well as an animal which will take ages to house train because there is no-one to let it out during the day.

The offers of pug-sitting will melt away like snow off a roof in summer once the novelty wears off. You will be constrained about where you can go and how long for - even a spontaneous day out will be restricted by which places you can take a dog to, let alone weekends etc away.

Your BF is totally selfish - what he wants is what he gets, it seems. It does NOT bode well for the future.

And I can promise you now, that he will very soon get fed up of taking it for a walk before and after work, cleaning up after it and even feeding it. He will be "too tired" or "have to meet someone" or whatever. It will land on you.

Run - and never look back. (I would say take the dog with you and find it a decent home, but he'd only get another. He's a twat.)

[BarbaraofSevillle]

They are too used to unconditional love & even the best relationship needs compromise Are you talking about the dog or the boyfriend here

Well he has a choice doesn't he? Stay with DM so he and/or DM can look after the dog properly, or leave the dog with DM, as in it's her dog and live with the OP.

What can't happen is the OP, the boyfriend and the dog set up home together, because for all the reasons mentioned, it just won't work and will be cruel for the dog.

I know full time working people who have dogs and they either have to work opposite/offset shifts to be at home for the dog, or they spend hundreds of pounds a month on doggy day care, kennels etc.

[QueenoftheBiscuitTin]

He's unreasonable for getting a dog when you told him you didn't want one and then lying to you about it.
He's even more unreasonable for choosing a pug. It's people like him who encourage the breeding of them and all their poor health problems.