Boyfriend has just gone and bought a pug.

[Pugpigprick]

I'm not sure where to start really and I'm still in shock. Just for a bit of background; we're both mid twenties, in a fairly long distance relationship but were hoping on renting our own place in the next couple of months (he's still at his parents/I rent my own flat).

On Wednesday night he calls me to tell me he's getting a pug - I laughed it off thinking he was joking. I phoned him back and said we weren't in a position to get a dog as we both work long hours, we both quite often are working away etc. I also mentioned that a lot of landlords won't rent to dogs etc. I also told him it should be something we should both decide (I'm really not a fan of dogs and prefer other breeds 100%).

Now the other issue is that on Wednesday night he told me it was his dog, after I (calmly lost my shit) he said it's for his mum as she's been down and feeling lonely (absolutely great idea - she loves dogs and wants one) - all is resolved I'm not having to spend the next 12 years having to deal with the bad decision of puggy... I apologise on Thursday morning for getting the wrong end of the stick as his mum is going to love it. I got bollocked for ruining his moment as he was so excited and he doesnt like being told what to do.

But yesterday he comes home with said pug and it's his dog (or now as he's calling it a family dog but his). It's going to live at his family home and everyone is queuing up to look after it - which he believes it will still happens when he moves out with the pug as it's a 'family dog' that everyone will look after it (guess he's decided we're moving locally then).

I can't get over that he's made such a big decision for both of us - I don't want to be tied down to a dog right now (would be completely different if I met him and he already had a dog) but I'm more upset that he thinks I'm being unreasonable for being upset.

Sorry if this doesn't make much sense as my head's all over the place.

[Pugpigprick]

Thank you everyone for your responses.

I'm still fuming. He's 'assured' me today that the dog will remain living at his mum's (what choice does he have baring in mind we're out the house 10+ ours a day and both work away a lot!) It's a family dog after all for his whole family (he keeps saying this but he only lives with his mum).

But on Wednesday I said to him that we couldn't commit to a dog, and if we could I would have a cat (I'm a huge cat girl and dreaming of having one since I was a kid). I've even got an empty fish tank for plants as I can't even commit to fish as I'm out so much. His answer to this was that I've got commitment problems! If this was going to be a dog for his mum he would have reassured me on Wednesday that it's his mum's, therefore she'd be looking after it not that I've got commitment problems.

The thing is is that he can't see it from my point of view - he's currently on cloud nine with his new purchase and I'm just raining on his parade.

And don't even get me started on dog farming. Growing up we had rescue dogs and if I was to get a puppy I'd make sure it was from a respected breeder - and not a pug as even he knows they come with a host of medical issues. Gosh even last week I was judging someone on having puppy pug as these breeders shouldn't be fuelled and it's cruel on the poor things.

I know I need to dump him but he'll put me in a bad light. Apart from this week we've been getting on so well! We've got a wedding this weekend thats been booked for a while - i'm going to have a good think and write him a letter of why this is so bad.

[FizzyGreenWater]

Very useful heads up here OP.

So - as you point out - apparently, apparently, he's already assumed you'll be moving locally to where he's based, you WILL have a dog because he's made the unilateral decision to get one (you don't need to be consulted) but it's ok because (just like everything else so far in his life) his family will be flocking around to facilitate him. (Hence him not really having to think anything through - well why would you, if you're 100% used to being carried?)

Hahaha. Um. I think I'd be keeping him long distance too. Until you find a grown up.

And don't get me started on 'doesn't like being told what to do' (aka, compromise like an adult)

HAHAHAHA.

[Pugpigprick]

Also I've shown a picture to friends and they reckon it's half pug and maybe half Beale not sure that makes a difference where he's got it from? Xxxx

[FizzyGreenWater]

I know I need to dump him but he'll put me in a bad light.

With who?

His family? Well of course - but why would you care? Walk away.

Your joint friends?

If they're worth being friends with, they'll be looking for your side of the story and won't judge. If they do - they're not really friends anyway.

Randoms?

Who cares? Any of them you run into in a bar - you can have a lot of fun with a raised eyebrow and 'Oh is that what he told you? Ah. Right. Ok.' (laugh)

[NaBiAgOl]

Everybody I know who has one of those dogs has spent 2 thousand euro at the vets making it able to breath again. Poor dogs. But specifically in your situation I'd be bracing yourself, will he be asking you for a grand to go halves at the vets soon.

[RevealTheLegend]

but he'll put me in a bad light

Ask yourself. Is better or worse than moving in with a selfish mummy’s boy?

[FizzyGreenWater]

No it doesn't make a difference.

The thing with the dog breed/responsible buying is this:

If he were a responsible person with the right attitude to getting a dog, the very first thing he would have been doing is talking to you, his partner who he'd be living with, about taking on a dog, making sure you were on board, discussing all the detail. THEN looking for a good breeder/visiting rescues etc.

The very fact that he has got a dog in this way - even if it's a rescue, even if he went to the best pug breeder in the country (clue: he didn't, he'd have had to reserve a pup way in advance) tells you all you need to know. It's an impulse. A dog as a new toy. He's a twat.

His attitude since also proves that he is a twat.

But! You know that already, you've already said you need to dump. This isn't just about the dog, I would bet my bum that the dog is the tip of an iceberg.

[WildfirePonie]

Please don't use Pets4Homes if you're looking for a dog..

Check out //www.champdogs.co.uk and get yourself a decent pup with a proper breeder.

[qazxc]

YABU to be upset, he has acted horribly:
He made a major decision without consultation or caring what you thought/felt.
The decision on getting a dog was immature, he hasn't thought it out properly.

He is now lying / backtracking like a child. It's my dog changing to mum's dog and now family dog. Of course everyone is fussing over the new cute puppy now but who'll be walking/training/ cleaning dog shit and paying for vet bills in a few months?

He has spent major money and will spend more (vet, insurance, ...) when you are meant to be saving to move in together. He decides to spend big money on unnecessary purchases on himself, take that as a massive red flag as to where his priorities lie.

He clearly has not thought about animal welfare, as pp have said this pup has certainly come from a disreputable breeder and the breed is prone to health issues. Another sign of immaturity/ bad decision making.

He then tries to blame you/ make you feel bad about his bad decision making. Another massive red flag, it's all about him and gas lighting.

All in all he is showing you that only what he wants matters to him, and you deserve better than that.

[Seaweed42]

" but we're hoping on renting our own place in the next couple of months"
Is it mostly you hoping to rent a flat over the next couple of months? Look carefully at who brings up the subject. Because he's very happy with the situation of being at home with Mummy, getting all his needs met there, and then going over to you to play at being a grown up a few times a week.
The timing of this dog is interesting. What is he telling you by buying a dog that ties him to his parents and his family? Or that prevents him moving at all? Sounds like he can't leave his mother and sign up to a life with you.

[qazxc]

YANBU to be upset

[SkintAsASkintThing]

I'd be more angry that he bought a vanity dog. The sooner that poor breed dies out the better, it's just cruel.

[MashedSpud]

Your future is going to be full of his impulsive choices. The car he wants, the home he wants in the area he wants. Loans, kids or no kids, holidays and future pets.

His reply will be “Don’t tell me what to do!”

[ShowMeTheKittens]

Love me, love my dog? Hmmm strange thing to do.

[woollyheart]

He is very cheeky saying you have commitment issues!

Because you won't commit to having a dog you weren't consulted about? Because you don't want to commit to the consequences of his rash impulsive buying spree and you aren't falling about in delight?

He definitely wants to stay home with mum, and this is an excuse. Is it possible that she wanted this dog as a way to keep him with her?

On the other hand, maybe you do have a problem with committing. Most of us do have a problem with committing to supporting a selfish idiot who thinks he can do what he likes and you are just there to take care of the fallout afterwards.

I wouldn't have the slightest problem with what people say. Just agree that you do have a problem with being committed to a spoilt child that you haven't given birth to.

[DuckbilledSplatterPuff]

I think your role in this relationship, through no fault of your own, is evolving into the "responsible" person who thinks ahead, plans for the future and has to ask the other one to hold back, save or be more cautious. He is evolving into the person who loves to have spontanious fun, which Responsible then comes along and puts a dampner on. This is not fair.

Its not ideal that he lives with family, but in these days of high rents/mortgages etc.. its not unreasonable per se.. but it does mean that he's got used to having all the back up and as pp said "unconditional love" which allows him to carry on this role.

He is just entranced by cute puppy, but he can't/ won't see your point of view. Its immature and I guess you have a lot of thinking to do.
But it really depends on whether you think he's got the potential or desire to become more mature, and would be able to come round and listen to you, and what his other good qualities are. or whether his current behaviour tops all that. It may well be that a few months in when the novelty has worn off that he will consign it to his mum's care.

As to what other people say.. Who cares. If you did leave, there is not much you could do about how presents it to the world, whatever the circs. You know it would'nt just be over a dog, but being shut out of decision making about your future and not being listened to.

[woollyheart]

I suspect @DuckbilledSplatterPuff has it right.

[Seaweed42]

I wonder if his Mother is playing a manipulation game with him. What is she like? She might have encouraged him to get the dog as an obstacle to him moving out. Think you said he was the only son living there.
Have you met his mother? Does he 'have' to be there on certain days or at certain times.

[Smoggle]

Lucky he bought the dog before you moved in together! Red flags all over the place!

He's never lived independently
He lies
He doesn't like being told what to do (eg having to consider your thoughts/feelings)
He's the kind of idiot who impulse buys a fashion breed, probably off facebook

Run a mile!

[TheInebriati]

You don't have commitment issues; just the opposite. You realise what commitment means and take it seriously.
You don't go off half cocked then make a load of shitty excuses, turn it around and try to blame others.

[Hearhere]

The fact that you know he'll put you in a bad light is all the more reason to not be in a relationship with him

[Costacoffeeplease]

What a twat, at least you know now

Poor dog

[Hearhere]

I think he has some sort of plan to play you off against his mother using the dog to get leverage, he's going to try and make you both compete to be the one who gets to take care of him

[BertieBotts]

I am kinda feeling sorry for this guy that everyone (here) seems to be jumping on calling him a terrible guy!

I don't think he is necessarily a terrible guy. He might be perfectly nice. He might have been planning this dog for years or he might have been naive about the possible sources of these kinds of deals. The issue isn't that he's an awful person who should never have a chance - the issue is that if you're planning a future with somebody you should have massively high standards, far higher than "not terrible".

[JenniferJareau]

he's currently on cloud nine with his new purchase and I'm just raining on his parade.

He sounds like a child not a man and is clearly far too immature for you. It is clear he has never lived away from home. Impulsive decisions involving the life of an animal with no thought for you or the consequences on your lives, or the animal itself, unbelievable! I bet if you asked he has not taken the dog to be registered at the vets, he hasn't though about insurance yet etc.

Also, you already know the pug would move with him if you moved in together.

I know I need to dump him but he'll put me in a bad light.

With who? Any decent person will know exactly why you are getting rid of him, if they don't their upset won't last long.