To wonder what exactly middle class and upper class Mums do to be skinny

[Humpy84]

I am a Mum of a two year old turning three July. Not an age that he can be packed up for long walks in buggy.

I have gained weight and feeling overwhelmed by everything.

I have noticed and I think it is obvious that middle and upper class Mums tend to be slimmer.

I want to know if you identify this and if so what is your weekly shopping routine, meal plan, how do you exercise with or without toddler/s, tips and tricks etc, diet plans, etc etc.

Well class aside as I’m probably downwardly mobile being a single parent and ill, when I lived with my folks and had help with my then toddler I was working, had help with cooking and chores. I could go out, go to exercise classes, dance and was thin. Now have a mortgage and bills, stress, long term chronic injury which limits exercise options, hand to mouth, no time or money to exercise or play, and feeling lardy and not happy. At least 2-3 dress sizes bigger than my usual. So I understand your predicament. My ex was no help. Get him to jolly well take a night off exercise a week to let you get started on some you time and exercise. For the sake of your sanity and health. Maybe he’s scared of dealing with a toddler. Perhaps you can help him with that.

I always wonder with these extreme diets / fasting / exercise routines etc whether the people actually enjoy doing them. Because I don’t. I’d rather not spend what might add up to xxxx years and headspace doing these things I don’t enjoy to potentially add a few years onto my life whereas I could continue eating cake, being a bit fat and generally doing what I like which makes me happy. All those years of worrying about eating sugar / not eating more than 800 calories etc blah blah just seems like such a joyless way to live.

But then again I do have to eat more often to ward off migraines and hypos ...hmm . Get that man involved!

One of the saddest things I've seen as a dietitian is women who went on brutal diet fads in the 70s. Like 4 gradefruit per day and prawns. With a side order if appetite suppressant drugs, under medical supervision. Of course they lost weight ( much of it muscle), their metabolism was reset to starvation mode and as soon as they went off the diet their body hung in to calories for dear life, thinking another famine was in the way (our metabolism and appetite centres haven't caught up with the 21st century and still think we're in the stone age). Decades later these women some of whom had severe mobility ussues were stuck on ab out 1200 kcal/d, anything above that and they put weight on.
Because a doctor endorses a diet doesn't always make it a good idea. Anything extreme which you can't adhere to long term will fail.

That's me Bob.

I am stuck at 1200 just to maintain. If I go over that I gain weight. It isn't much fun

Isn't it an accepted fact that it's adult women of child bearing age are the most likely to survive famines? I'm sure I read that somewhere.

The very young and elderly die first, then men.. whereas women are best placed to survive?

For clarification am in my 50s, and did all the crazy diets. My body just cannot recover.

whataboutbob do you deal with optimal health for us IBD gang? I would love some proper advice. I love veg and salad and have been told I can't have that. When I'm not flaring, I can eat most things.

I think genetics play a role, think of Shetland ponies v racehorses etc, :) the former will likely expand faster/not carry weight so well.

Tall with long levers & you generally have a head start over a 5ft tall, solid build ‘designed’ to weather storms & famine

I have often wondered about aristocratic women of the past, many stayed super slim yet had a life of leisure & constant banqueting...

I am In my 50s, had never dieted. When I was about 48 I put on an extra half a stone. I did the 5 2 diet. Lost a stone. Then piled 2 stone back on. I think the 5 2 utterly fucked my metabolism.

TartanTexan it does.
I am a natural northern pit pony and will never be a leggy lass but I am fucked if I am going to let myself pile on stones as an excuse. My dead mother would kill me.

I am a natural northern pit pony and will never be a leggy lass

Ha! Like I said earlier, I'm descended from Russian peasants. I was built for the cold and digging up potatoes The women in my family only stay slim with a huge amount of effort

2000 kcal per day is probably too much to maintain weight for most women. If you put your weight, height, age and activity levels in a TDEE calculator it will give you an indication of your daily calorie requirements for weight loss/maintenance/gain.

I thought the dieting fucks your metabolism thing had been discredited? Having a slower metabolism in your late 40s and fifties is surely just natural and normal?

I do myself and I’ve never dieted as such, just made small adjustments. At 54 and 5’2” I find I need to eat a very low number of calories to stay slim. I manage that by eating less boring bland stuff like pasta and rice and less alcohol.

All those years of worrying about eating sugar / not eating more than 800 calories etc blah blah just seems like such a joyless way to live. Each to their own. To me, all those years of worrying about my arms/abs/bum (you’ve only got to look at the S&B board to see it), just seems like such a joyless way to live to me. I love being very slim and in shape, and knowing I can buy any clothes l fancy - much more than I’d love going out to eat dressed in something to ‘hide’ body parts.

Hello, try not to be disheartened it is doable to lose the weight. I’ve had 3 kids, put on 4 stone with each pregnancy and only lost about 2 in between each baby. My youngest is now 2.5 and I’ve finally lost all the baby weight bar a few pounds. I did it from counting calories as I found diets too expensive. It’s so easy to put the weight on but very hard to get it off. It took plenty of ‘new starts’ to get there. I went extreme and gave myself 900 calories a day and lost 8 pounds in my first week. I did this for about 4 weeks then gave myself a break and didn’t count at all to then go back onto it. I’ve found once your body gets used to not eating it’s much easier. My basic meals were a piece of fruit in the morning or a pack of breakfast biscuits, a tin of soup for lunch (no bread or sides) and then whatever I was cooking for dinner I’d have a smaller portion of with loads of salad. It helped. Now I’m where I wanna be and just eat as and when I’m hungry which is more often some weeks then others so it all balances out. I’d say I’m from a middle class family but even though my mum and sister and ex p have always been high earners I am not and now we are separating I’d say I’m working class as I work part time in a shop and now have to claim some benefits as I’m on my own. I don’t think class matters it’s more determination. I find it much harder being a mum then I did losing weight. Also my friend who is very overweight is on slimming world, about 2 months in and has lost 2 stone so far, her husband has lost 3 stone, so I think if you need that motivation from other people then that’s a good way to go even if just to start you off on your healthy eating journey. By the way I don’t exercise, apart from school runs and being at work (I don’t drive so this might help) good luck and I hope you manage to find what works for you xxx

“To me, all those years of worrying about my arms/abs/bum (you’ve only got to look at the S&B board to see it), just seems like such a joyless way to live to me. I love being very slim and in shape, and knowing I can buy any clothes l fancy - much more than I’d love going out to eat dressed in something to ‘hide’ body parts”

I guess as you say it depends what you’re interested in. I’m not remotely interested in fashion or going out anywhere I’d need to dress up for. Sure when I was 18-25 maybe yes but now at nearly 40 I’m happy in a pair of jeans or a nice top and they fit fine in a 14-18 or larger depending on where you buy them from. I certainly don’t spend my life worrying about such things. I am very active, I love country walks and live rurally so every weekend I am out and about all over the place. What I wear and how clothes fit is really the last thing I worry about.

But I guess that’s what makes the world so interesting... we’re all so different!

Sorry I’ve managed to screw up my quote there, but you get the idea.

I go out loads and love clothes. I just buy bigger sizes. I'm still funny and a good guest

@countdowntonap totally agree. I find it much harder mentally, not being able to fit into my much loved, carefully curated over the years, work wardrobe, than to make food sacrifices. And I have only experienced this post pregnancy, as before if my trousers got too tight, I adjusted diet and exercise. There is a weight range I know I can maintain and wear what I want to wear. Now 8 months post baby and i am still one full dress size away (about a stone, and I put on 3.5). No way am I giving up on wearing that stuff! It's about motivation.

I'm sure you are faz
Each to their own
Some have health as primary motivation - and the upper end of healthy weight is fine too of course

Starvation mode isn't a thing like people believe.. if you consistently consume a lot less calories then you burn you start moving less to compensate and as such there is no calorie defecit. Which is why Eating less than your bmr you set yourself up to fail as its impossible to sustain and resort back to previous way of eating with a vengeance.

People want to be skinny now (they are after instant reward) after a week of 800 cals have not lost anything.. Think fuck this ordering dominos with ben and jerries or insert binge of choice(gets an easier instant reward) It takes consistently eating healthy at a sensible level of calories for your height weight and activity level to get the delayed reward of a healthy body.

There are many studies on obesity and delayed gratification. People dont like it as they prefer to blame external factors than internal thought processes. Really, it's both.

Now 8 months post baby and i am still one full dress size away (about a stone, and I put on 3.5). No way am I giving up on wearing that stuff! It's about motivation.

My metabolism really did change during pregnancy and for at least 18 months after

"Gwenhwyfar you can get cheap as anchovies in Lidl. The oil they come in is a bit poo so I just rinse them off."

The thought of them makes me retch, but my point was that they are not an everyday ingredient here, that's all.

" You’re deliberately avoiding my point that each individual decides what they eat and how they move their body. "

No, I've never denied that there are things people can do to lose weight, but I think it's silly to deny that class (and income) comes into it or that there is some influence from your environment.

"A good fix for that is a stint volunteering in an impoverished country."

I live in a deprived area so can already see impoverishment. Of course it's different in less developed countries, but I don't need to volunteer in one to know that.