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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say mums of girls are smug

373 replies

TheMidiMitch · 18/04/2019 21:28

Just been at a party where my son along with the other boys have been repeatedly told off for fighting (quite rightly so and largely by me). Whilst the girls are busy braiding hair and pretending to make cupcakes, the boys are looking like Lord of the Flies. Not meant to be a goady post but please let me know there's light at the end of this tunnel...anyone...

OP posts:
Babuchak · 18/04/2019 22:28

If they are that fucking obvious why has my 15 year old been mistaken for a boy all her life?
I knew there would always be 1 parent with the one exception popping up.

Each to their own, I'd rather my kids embracing what they are and knowing they can want and achieve exactly the same things in life but keeping proud of their personality and gender, than trying to negate basic facts and doubt themselves.
Both my boys and girls can become a nurse or an air force pilot and practice the same sport, they don't need to deny who they are for that.
My teens seem just as comfortable in their shoes as I or their dad was.
We can still have proper boys and proper girls thank god!

JaneEyreAgain · 18/04/2019 22:29

All four of mine have been lovely, every minute of every day, never had a cross word or a raised eyebrow. Two boys, two girls, all angels. Just thought I would leave that there...

And back in the real world..... mwah ha ha!!

AtSea1979 · 18/04/2019 22:29

My DS has never fought, play or real in his life. My DD on the other hand is a total witch. She tantrums and fusses so def not smug here when out with her. Just relieved if she’s ever playing nicely with a group of girls, usually anymore than two girls and it turns in to a bitch fest.

reallyanotherone · 18/04/2019 22:30

Some of the girls I went to school with were bitchy, most weren’t

I always found the bitchy girls at school were the ones with mothers who also played the queen bee games as well. Including some, excluding others, social climbing.

chocolateworshipper · 18/04/2019 22:30

I have 2 girls and a friend of mine has 2 boys. When they were little I laughed saying how I was glad I had girls and not boys (just because the boys were a lot more boisterous). She said "you wait until they're older chocolate - we'll see who's laughing then." Bloody hell was she right.

mabelsgarden · 18/04/2019 22:31

Yep. Some boys (under 10,) are hard work, boisterous, noisy, and attention seeking, and girls (under 10,) are often a treat. The girls will sit reading and drawing and playing nicely, braiding their hair etc... I know a number of childminders and nannies who say they would rather look after girls than boys ANY day.

Fast forward a few years (to the teens,) and it switches.. Girls (some of them!) are bloody hard work, cheeky, and lazy, and rebellious. And they can be so mean to each other in school, and bitchy and catty. (As I said, not all but some...)

The teachers used to say for every spat they have involving boys, they have half a dozen involving girls. The bullying amongst girls is more sinister and insidious too, and more personal.

Once they get to late teens/uni age though, they are all past the 'bad' and 'awkward' phases, and are usually well balanced adults.

I do find though, (and many people I know say similar,) that daughters - once they are adults - stay closer to the parents than sons. I know a number of people with sons, and many have moved away, and they don't hear from them often. Many have moved close to where their wife or girlfriend's family live, and often see and socialise with the wife or girlfriend's family way more...

I would not like to be the mother of sons only. I'd be afraid I would more or less lose them, and rarely see the grandkids, and be second best all the time to the maternal grandparents.......

*disclaimer

These are just my views and opinions based on my own experiences, before the professionally offended get all up in arms and start ranting at me! Wink Grin

Lacypants · 18/04/2019 22:32

Shiver my rabid feminism remark was tongue in cheek, I am well aware of why she has to assert herself more, and in fact, my raging feminist beliefs are never more apparent than when my daughter stares down a boy and tells him she CAN do it, because girls can do anything boys can.

ElizabethMountbatten · 18/04/2019 22:33

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

HerRoyalNotness · 18/04/2019 22:33

My DD handed me a nugget of poop she’d fished out of her nappy last night. Neither of her brothers have done anything that gross. She also says No a lot accompanied with stamped foot. I worry for my sanity.

archivearmadillo · 18/04/2019 22:34

Babuchak it's not just one person.

It's clear from your last sentence about "proper girls and proper boys" that you've socialised your children into gender stereotypical roles from the womb on, regardless of cream nurseries or red sleepsuits - it's in the constant drip of subtle approval of behaviours and budding interests which fit gender stereotypes and disapproval of others that don't that the strongest socialisation takes place.

Presumably you don't realise that you do it, but you wouldn't have written that sentence about proper girls and proper boys if you didn't.

reallyanotherone · 18/04/2019 22:35

Each to their own, I'd rather my kids embracing what they are and knowing they can want and achieve exactly the same things in life but keeping proud of their personality and gender, than trying to negate basic facts and doubt themselves

My child knows exactly who she is and is proud of herself. She has no confusion over her gender. It is people observing simple things like she climbs to the top of the climbing frame in a park and the mum next to me starts telling me about how physical boys are, and how i have my hands full now but when he’s a teen i’ll be glad because boys are so much easier. Then looks at me like i’m insane when i say yes, she’s always been an active child.

She’s actually an elite athlete now. People watch her run after the dog and comment on how “he” is so physical, but that’s boys for you.

It’s nothing to do with my dd, it’s other people placing her into their own rigid boxes...

powershowerforanhour · 18/04/2019 22:37

www.returnofkings.com/35965/why-women-are-like-cats-and-men-are-like-dogs

Yeah keep feeding the stereotype

Hermagsjesty · 18/04/2019 22:37

@banachuk honestly, if you’re using the phrases “proper girls” and “proper boys” then you clearly have deep held gender stereotypes that you’ll be passing on, consciously or not.

And it really isn’t just one person saying their kids don’t meet these stereotypes - far from it.

Babuchak · 18/04/2019 22:38

archivearmadillo
it's sad that basic difference are "blamed" on gender stereotypes and children are not allowed to just "be" for some people.

I am lucky I have both sets in my house, so on that aspect I am smug!

AnnieMay100 · 18/04/2019 22:38

Two dds here definitely not smug eldest is starting puberty Envy gutted I’ll never experience having a son personally

greenpop21 · 18/04/2019 22:40

I was a smug mother of 2 girls until they became teenagers!!

Fazackerley · 18/04/2019 22:40

This thread is fucking depressing.

Babuchak · 18/04/2019 22:41

reallyanotherone
that's complete bollox, being active and a successful athlete doesn't make anyone more or less of a girl (or a boy for that matter).
You don't understand the point people are making, it's not about girls knitting quietly whilst the boys are running and climbing around Grin
Being the fastest or best climber of the group has never made anyone doubt a girl is a girl.

Pimmsypimms · 18/04/2019 22:42

Yes I'm a woman, and I wouldn't say I was a bitch, although, I acknowledge that I wasn't a particularly pleasant teen.
When my dd started secondary school, she had issues with girls bullying and generally being bitchy. It was a really awful time for her and she had to move forms because of this. This was also a stressful for us as it was difficult to know how to deal with.
I have a ds who is 6. I cannot count the number of times I had to tell him off today for being boisterous and naughty.
So yes, it may be stereotypical to say girls are bitchy and boys are boisterous. It is, however, correct from my experience.
I would still choose the boisterous and naughty over the bitchy.

archivearmadillo · 18/04/2019 22:43

Sad? Are you Donald Trump?

Small children are small children. Differences are personality plus socialisation. It's transparent that you have strongly stereotypical ideas of gender roles and have socialised your children accordingly.

Sex is not the factor determining the behaviour of any 3 year old.

Sex differences in behaviour have an impact from puberty to a degree, but a far more pronounced impact where young people have been heavily socialised into gender roles.

Just look at all the people claiming that young girls are bitches. I despair.

cushellekoala · 18/04/2019 22:44

Ive got one of each. DD has always been quiet and fairly calm but a PITA about eating and sleeping and quite demanding. DS was like a demotion squad working in a hurricane zone and i always needed eyes in the back of my head but is way way more affectionate than DD and dare i say easier despite the broken china/unplanned paint on the walls/flooded kitchen etc but i love them both to the moon and back.

MenuPlant · 18/04/2019 22:45

If girls are so awful maybe selective abortion is an option.

Just a thought.

Clearly many many women are not keen on having daughters.

Maybe the global imbalance is for good reason after all. Who'd want a daughter? Non affectionate bitchy nightmares.

These threads are awful tbh

cushellekoala · 18/04/2019 22:45

Aaah demolition ..... and strike out fail. Duh.

Babuchak · 18/04/2019 22:46

Clearly many many women are not keen on having daughters.

HAHAHA yes, that's exactly what posters have written.
If we didn't have daughters, who could clean the house and make diner whilst the boys are taking us shopping, seriously.

Fazackerley · 18/04/2019 22:47

Fwiw, I have three girls and they aren't bitchy. I'm moving one to a single sex school as lots of the boys in her class are 'boisterous' - read disruptive and attention seeking.

I have a boy who is kind and polite as well as sporty - as are my girls. Loads of deep seated ingrained stereotypes on this thread.

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