To say mums of girls are smug

[TheMidiMitch]

Just been at a party where my son along with the other boys have been repeatedly told off for fighting (quite rightly so and largely by me). Whilst the girls are busy braiding hair and pretending to make cupcakes, the boys are looking like Lord of the Flies. Not meant to be a goady post but please let me know there's light at the end of this tunnel...anyone...

Oh, and my brothers went to the all boys school in town. They had trouble with bullying and nastiness from other students. None of my sisters or I ever had problems with bullying at our all girls school.

Here endeth my anecdata.

I was a smug mum of first born DD and for five years I thought I was a wonderful parent as she behaved nicely when we went places, learnt to read at 3yo and was generally an easy child. I blamed unruly boys' behaviour on their mothers' bad parenting.

Then I had my son. What an eye-opener! He was so active and into everything. We had to constantly keep an eye on him. Going anywhere meant a quick scan of what he might touch, climb, throw etc. He was just a normal boy😂
Third child, DD2 wasn't as angelic as the first DD and wasn't quite as challenging as her brother. I'm now a firm believer in nature not nurture!
Lessons learnt and still practising with DGC: you can take a girl out to a cafe and she'll probably be ok with some paper and colourising pencils. With a boy I need to take a small container of toy soldiers and cars. They don't need much space on a table or floor to line up their stuff.

My brother was great to grow up with. 4 years my senior, he introduced me to The Smiths and other cool bands in the 80s. He was always kind and looked out for me. He lives in anther country now though but is happily married. I miss him.

Yes I can’t understand why teen girls have such an awful reputation. They are generally not the ones out there stabbing people (to use an extreme example) or engaging in antisocial behaviour. Or is it parents tolerate this from their boys, and are overprotective to the point of overbearing on their girls?

I just really can’t work it out

Teen girls, well my 2 are just very emotional. They feel that everyone is watching them so are very self conscious at times about their looks, hair, brows etc.It's all made worse by the online climate they live in. I worry about the pressures they are under and I guess they let it all out at home as I am their sponge to soak it all up.

Girls don’t show extreme anti social behaviour. Seriously!😂😂😂

I have only a girl and she's just turned 1 so I can't speak from much experience, but personally from things I've witnessed and from what others have told me.

I would say that although there's some things that certain genders may typically go through, and different stages etc, both come with their own challenges and some things have nothing to do with gender and could be many other things that any child could be susceptible to do.

I've met some smug mums, some have boys, some have girls... They are just smug lol

We've got 2 sons. They're so different. DS1 is chilled, never had a tantrum, never fought with anyone, doesn't lose his temper, we've never argued. He'd give anyone his last penny, when he was little he'd go the edge of the sofa/bed/chair look at the drop decide it was too far and go back to what he was doing. He's a bookworm, always has been, spent hours colouring, painting, building Lego etc and hated mud. He grew up to be a soldier.

DS2 was the opposite. He's incredibly loving and has been my shadow since day 1. However he's got a short fuse, could tantrum like I've never seen. He liked playing with girls, dolls, rolling in the mud, washing his hair in puddles. If he could chuck himself off something he would, and the higher the better. He's a cheeky imp who was adored by all his teachers. He's always had a caring side, never fought with anyone and grew up to be a nurse.

All kids are different. It's not their gender it's who they are. Let them flourish and just be them.

I’ll have to hold my hands up and say I was a smug mum of girls when mine were young, I then had a good sharp shock when the teenage years came upon us, I remember feeling like a was on a emotional rollercoaster.

The Fairy I love your descriptions, they both sound great sons and just shows how different siblings can be and how different they can turn out.

I have one of each and my girl is harder work, always has been. My boy is so straightforward. But that said I do sometimes see families with only girls and think they make it look fairly easy!

Girls really tap into mums though. I am aware of all of their emotions and us and downs. I carry it round with me and sometimes it weighs heavy.My DH doesn't get a lot of it as he is one of 3 boys. He is much simpler to understand and I always imagine sons to be like that but that's because I have 2 girls. Having said that, they were always well behaved, could take them anywhere. Never had a bad report or parent's evening. It's just the teenage angst and hormonal ups and downs that are hard going at times. I suppose I see myself in them.

II suppose I see myself in them.*

I feel the same about my eldest son. Sex aside he’s just like me in so many ways x

I believe that most of our gender constructs are nurture rather than nature. Certainly anything to do with temperament, being 'easy' or 'difficult' , a 'bitch' or easygoing I think has way more to do with individual personality.

BUT there is a fair amount of evidence to show that there are genuine sex differences in the amount of rough and tumble play that children engage in, and their levels of aggression. This is due to exposure to pre-natal testosterone in utero (boys are exposed to far higher levels between 8-24 weeks gestation and have significantly higher levels of testosterone as newborns, which then levels off showing similar levels for girls and boys until puberty thereafter. This also true for many other species. Animal experiments have shown that female animals exposed to higher levels of testosterone in utero go on to develop more rough and tumble play and aggressive behavior. Similarly in humans, girls with congenital adrenal hyperplasia, who are exposed to higher levels of testosterone in utero do show more male type play behavior (rough and tumble and fighting) as children.

So in this aspect the evidence shows that the 'boy behavior' of rough and tumble, physical and often more aggressive play is to some extent innate.

See a review of the evidence on this (covers many credible and well designed studies) here:

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4350266/

I have 3 DS's and this rings very true to me.

I always found girls much harder!!

MenuPlant

With respect, you don’t know the individual characters concerned.

Our daughter is a much loved first child, we were awestruck when she was born and felt we were the most blessed couple who had ever walked the earth. Three years later, we were told she would be the only one so you can imagine just how precious she was. Nearly 9 years later her brother arrived, I think that gave us time to bond and establish our relationship free of any sort of favouritism! I had absolutely no interest in little boys until then, they may as well have been aliens to me.
Please don’t tell me I don’t like my daughter, I absolutely adore her and am extremely proud of the woman she has become. That doesn’t mean I’m going to pretend that her behaviour as a youngster wasn’t appalling, because it was. Her teenage years in particular were horrendous. She’s deeply embarrassed about them now and tells her younger brother not to behave as she did. Some of her friends were vile. Sorry, they were. Promiscuity and bad behaviour doesn’t begin to cover it.
Her younger brother is a much gentler, kinder person (until now, anyway, he’s 16 that may change of course) , who is much more considerate, caring and empathetic than his sister was. He has similar friends because, I suppose, similar people gravitate towards each other. No doubt there are horrible young men too.

What am I supposed to do, lie about it in case it upsets feminist sensibilities?

People are who they are.

'! I had absolutely no interest in little boys until then, they may as well have been aliens to me.'

But this is bizarre as well.

I see this with my friends who didn't have male siblings, OMG I don't even know what to do with a boy! Really? You change their nappies, feed them, look after them etc etc

How is our society in such a state that this happens? And with dads I know, such a massive obvious preference for boys, so much of the time.

I find it really odd. I had and have a DB, and a dad, and grandads, men aren't aliens. My world isn't as heavily gendered as so many seem to be. BBQs women drinking wine and doing all the grunt work inside and child care, men drinking beer and having fun with flames. Just, I don't get it. Why can't we just all be people.

For the women who say they would swap their girls for boys, girls are bitches, a nightmare. It's all drama, girls are a nightmare. Your daughters are not stupid, they know you don't like them. That's a terrible way to grow up. Especially if there are beloved, cuddly, wonderful boys in the family as well who are just much better in all respects...

It just makes me sad and is a massive insight into how some situations with girls go unchecked for so long (and will continue to do so).

Because I’d had a girl for 9 years!

Until I had our daughter, babies were alien to me full stop! Is that bizarre too?

I’m sorry you have such a bee in your bonnet about this, perhaps you had a hard time from your mum but hey, that’s not my business.
I like my daughter and son very, very much, thank you. We’ve had a lovely day out today, together. She took the day off work specially. She’s a very nice adult. She was a very unpleasant teenager.

We are not different species

How are women getting to adulthood and saying they have no idea about boys (clue : they're human!) and they are like aliens.

Everyone here must have male relatives. Have known boys when they were at school, in the neighbourhood. Aliens?

I suppose it's the flipside to men seeing girls as sex objects rather than people.

I really genuinely don't get it.

Treat people as people rather than 2d stereotypes as a start. And yes, children are people.

The 'promuscuity' comment is weird as well.

I have one of each . If I had had a third I wanted another boy .

My ds (7) is an actual angel. My dd (3) was such a shock to the system. To say she is independent and head strong is an understatement. She has also recently decided to just shit on her bedroom floor recently. Currently asking (arguing) her to go to sleep with bribes and blackmail whilst ds is fast asleep good as gold as he always has been. So in my case I am most definitely not smug about having a girl/demanding little madam.

I haven't got a bee in my bonnet :D

I read the thread and saw a lot of mums expressing active dislike for daughters. And a clear preference for boys.

Like I said your post was only an example.

I am sure your DD is perfectly comfirtable with the fact you disliked her through puberty and teens, preferring her brother and his friends. In part because she was promiscuous.

All good.

Thing is men tend to prefer boys too.

So we're not so far from the attitudes in rural India and China, after all.

Girls are not wanted, by an awful lot of men and women.

It's good people are prepared to own these attitudes.

Sex selective abortion is doable, by the way. If you are white and English no one will ask difficult questions, and you can get the lovely boys.

Gosh, so girls and boys are different when growing up?!

Apparently,

And girls are bitches, promiscuous, a nightmare

Boys are lovely

I think we need a conversation about sex selective abortion in this country

A lot of very unhappy women and men with female kids.