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Original poster

To say mums of girls are smug

373 replies

TheMidiMitch · 18/04/2019 21:28

Just been at a party where my son along with the other boys have been repeatedly told off for fighting (quite rightly so and largely by me). Whilst the girls are busy braiding hair and pretending to make cupcakes, the boys are looking like Lord of the Flies. Not meant to be a goady post but please let me know there's light at the end of this tunnel...anyone...

OP posts:
AftonGlen · 19/04/2019 08:10

The most nasty comments/behaviour that I ever endured at school were from teenage boys. I think some mothers of sons delude themselves with the stereotype that it is girls that are 'bitchy' and manipulative'.
In my adult life especially I have noticed in the workplace males being manipulative and causing trouble amongst other (mostly female) colleagues.
I think some people are nice and some aren't, it really isn't do with gender. Also, boys don't seem to get pulled up on the same things that girls would.
This is probably one of the most depressing threads I have read whilst lurking on mumsnet.

SoyDora · 19/04/2019 08:12

In my adult life especially I have noticed in the workplace males being manipulative and causing trouble amongst other (mostly female) colleagues

Yes, I found this in the corporate environment I worked in too.

justarandomtricycle · 19/04/2019 08:16

I'm going to echo PP a bit and say smug mums of DDs can get a rude awakening in the teen years, that's for sure.

Not always etc

TheNavigator · 19/04/2019 08:23

Going for tapas & cocktails with my oldest daughter tonight - yup I am a smug mum of girls.

YouJustDoYou · 19/04/2019 08:23

The most nasty comments/behaviour that I ever endured at school were from teenage boys. I think some mothers of sons delude themselves with the stereotype that it is girls that are 'bitchy' and manipulative'.
In my adult life especially I have noticed in the workplace males being manipulative and causing trouble amongst other (mostly female) colleagues

Absolutely this. The worst bullying came from boys growing up for me.

The boys in my son's class love nothing more than rough housing, play fighting etc, whilst at the last party the girls (around 6 years old) complained how rough the boys were and "they're definitely not inviting them next time. Only girls!" (Don't blame them to be honest). My girls play so calmly together and with others. There is a noticeable difference.

Blahdeblahbahhhhh · 19/04/2019 08:24

Two gorgeous, ant in their pants boys here. And I totally get what you are saying. I try so incredibly hard to bring my children up as children and encourage them to be empathetic, considerate etc but I’ve had to accept that whether due to their sex or not they have a lot more energy and act like caged animals when kept inside too long, unlike my friends children (girls) who will sit and play quietly... personally there does seem to be a pattern (dons hard hat!).

hazeyjane · 19/04/2019 08:25

Well this thread is a depressing pile of shite isn't it.

lightsoul · 19/04/2019 08:26

I have 5 sons and 6 granddaughters. Thats the way to do it she says smugly. I would not want to be the mother of teenage girls.

lightsoul · 19/04/2019 08:27

I would not want to be the mother of teen age girls as i think my mother went through a difficult time with myself and my sisters.

Blahdeblahbahhhhh · 19/04/2019 08:28

About adult sons, we see much more of my ILs than my parents and they have had the kids overnight in-line my parents. So don’t think it’s a given that your sons wives have to hate you! I don’t hate my mother in law. She irritates me sometimes like all my family members but love her to bits.

BlueMerchant · 19/04/2019 08:31

Ds(9)&DD(8).
My dd is the one who would cause chaos. Always been this way and as she's got older it certainly hasn't gotten any better. Friendship wars and cliques cause chaos and often leave me apologising to other mum's of crying daughters.
My DS although boisterous is more careful of others' feelings and plays 'nicely' with all involved when at parties and when out to play.

reallyanotherone · 19/04/2019 08:34

I believe that boys and girls are biologically different at a population level due to amongst other things their different exposure to androgens in the womb. This doesn't mean that all boys will be more boistorious or aggressive than girls, but I do think that as a class boys have a greater proposensity towards rough play etc and this is observable in other primates

Was your post “belief”, or do you have peer reviewed sources that back you beliefs up?

If you are going to spout “science” to support your beliefs please cite your sources.

bookworm14 · 19/04/2019 08:36

God, there are some thick, unpleasant people on this thread. ‘Girls are all bitches! Boys are just so loving and uncomplicated!’ Just try applying lazy stereotypes like that to any other group and see how far you get. 🙄

YouBumder · 19/04/2019 08:37

Clearly many many women are not keen on having daughters

I’m not sure that’s true, if you look at the “gender disappointment” threads that pop up frequently on here, containing all the same tired old stereotypes, they’re invariably from women having boys and “grieving the daughter they’ll never have”

I’ve only ever in my 13 years of parenthood come across one person who was annoying re her children’s sex, a random woman who I met at a fitness class who asked me if I had kids and when I told her I had 2 boys said “oh I’ve got girls. Much easier!” Wtf? She didn’t know me or my kids but had immediately declared them “harder” than her own? Wtf is that all about?

YouBumder · 19/04/2019 08:45

I find the “girls are bitchy” comments cringe too. My friends and I weren’t bitchy girls. My nieces aren’t bitchy girls. My son’s friends aren’t bitchy girls. I’ve been bullied at work by Male and female bosses and supported by male and female colleagues. Some people are nice and some people are arseholes regardless of their sex.

Sparkletastic · 19/04/2019 08:53

Don't worry. The patriarchy wins out in the end.

reallyanotherone · 19/04/2019 08:56

It’s threads like this that stop me peak transing.

I thank god i grew up in the 70’s when parents were being told to stop gendering so much and give boys dolls and girls cars.

I do not like ponies and unicorns. I like sport, maths, science, cooking, and a whole lot of other stuff.

When people are so convince that “boys and girls are different” and it’s their genes/brains that drive them to like football or make up, i can see how some children absorb that message and become convinced they are the opposite gender, as it’s those stereotypes they identify with.

If you got mugged by a black male and then said all black people are criminals it would be stereotyping, but wouldn’t make it true. So why do people so readily believe in gender stereotypes?

lostlalaloopsy · 19/04/2019 09:03

I have 2 girls and a boy. I don't find any of them easy. All of my dc were very boisterous. My youngest dd was always trying to escape from the garden, we had to use bungee cords to keep the gates shut!! My older were the same. My 7 year old son is very emotional, more than the girls who just get on with everything. I think it really depends on the child!!!

Camomila · 19/04/2019 09:35

I only have a DS but when I go to pick him up from nursery (in Brighton) I can't actually tell if half his friends are boys or girls (they are 2.5-3.5 years old in his room)

Almost everyone is in leggings/tracksuit bottoms and a colourful top. Some of the boys have longish floppy hair, some of the girls have pixie cuts.

When I picked DS up yday he was in the garden with another little boy cuddling a building block like it was a baby.

Clockworkprincess · 19/04/2019 09:37

I have a ds who is bouncy, energetic and can be loud. At the same time he doesn't play fight and when his cousin was encouraging it looked confused. I would say he seems hard work because he is inquisitive and everything needs explaining (even how a tank engine works) and if I'm doing anything he wants to be included and help.

Shiverrrrmetimbers · 19/04/2019 09:43

@anothercupofcoffeefortheroad
I remember when my 2 boys were little going camping with a friend who had 3 boys. After a lively week we were trying to take the tents down and pack up - it was a nightmare - 5 boys creating havoc. In desperation my friend and I loaded the younger kids into buggies and took all 5 boys for a walk while our DHs got on with packing up. Walked around the corner to see a couple calmly packing up their tent with their 4 girls all sitting happily in a circle making daisy chains. We were jealous

Have you thought maybe the difference was not down to some innate biological drive for boys to create havoc but more your parenting style/ skills? As many other posters have pointed out from a tiny age many parents accept and encourage bad and aggressive behaviour in boys which they don’t in girls. It’s the boys will be boys mentality.

formerbabe · 19/04/2019 09:47

I have a ds and a dd.

Ds is 11...he was hard work when younger as had so much energy. My dd could sit for ages concentrating on drawing, Lego, doll house etc.

I would say on the friendship side of things..my ds is so much easier. He has lots of friends, they may have short arguments but it's over quickly and forgotten about. If a friend comes over to play, there is no issues. If my dd has, there are endless complaints of she was mean to me, she did this blah blah. After school, I listen to endless tales of friendships dramas!

Babuchak · 19/04/2019 09:47

girls are always told they can be anything and do anything, eg on ads they'll say 'be what you want to be' but the boys are never given this message

that's a massive parenting fail from these people, and not a true fact for everybody. Parents who encourage their children and show them real life examples about achieving anything you want are plenty.

Denying the differences between boys and girls is not the way to help them to achieve their best potential. Why are some posters so outraged about girls not being identical to boys? I like being a girl, and I can achieve just as much as my husband! I love all my kids but you can't compare my girls from my boys, and they all have their own personalities.

bamb00 · 19/04/2019 09:50

I do think it also depends on the child rather than if a boy/girl. Although I do get what you mean about boys being more boisterous on the whole, I do know plenty of really calm, little boys too, whereas my dd2 is quite frankly feral. I thought all girls were placid and easy until I had her and most of my friends also have 2 girls and the 2nd ones have all been the same... wild.

bobstersmum · 19/04/2019 09:52

I've got both, dd is almost 2 and she's rougher than the boys.

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