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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this is incredibly rude of DH

282 replies

Namechange66 · 18/04/2019 20:24

I usually cook all of the evening meals for DH and I during the week as I get in from work earlier than he does. DH will usually come home from work whilst I’m half way through cooking and will be moaning about how starving he is, asking how much longer the food will be and generally being an impatient child. This evening, after spending 2 hours cooking our dinner and listening to DH moaning about being “starving”, I served our food and watched him sit opposite me at the table moving his food around the plate without eating anything. I asked him what was wrong and apparently as I had used chopped tomatoes instead of passata, the sauce was too was ‘lumpy’
and he only likes a smooth tomato sauce. He spent the next 5 minutes dramatically sliding bits of food around the plate and attempting to pick out each individual slither of chopped tomato. He eventually announced that he wasn’t hungry and left a whole plate full of freshly cooked food. I would never knowingly cook a meal using ingredients that somebody didn’t like and expect them to eat it, but that wasn’t the case here. After spending a lot of time cooking a fresh meal, WIBU to expect him to be an adult about such a very minor issue (smooth/lumpy sauce!!) and eat it, despite the fact it might not have been made EXACTLY how he wanted it?! DH says I’m being ridiculously petty but I feel furious, it just seems so ungrateful. AIBU?

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 19/04/2019 02:56

He'a lucky you cook, I've never cooked for any of my husbands.

notangelinajolie · 19/04/2019 02:58

I think I'd be taking a lot longer to get home in the evening. Can you not drive slower or get a later bus? Perhaps call at the shops for a bit of retail therapy. Anything that would mean he gets home before you. See how he gets on with cooking dinner Shock

notangelinajolie · 19/04/2019 03:08

Posted to soon. Here is the rest of my post.

Yes, he is being a dick. But …..

I am the one that always cooks dinner in our house. Mainly because I like it, prefer to know exactly what ingredients have gone into my meal and dislike people other than me in my kitchen.

And if DH did moan about my food which he does on occasion and tbh he's probably telling the truth because although my cooking is better than his it isn't all that amazing I wouldn't get all offended and jump on my high horse. I'd shrug it off and tell him to make himself some cheese on toast.

PregnantSea · 19/04/2019 03:26

Stop cooking for him

ilikebeckerinmyoldage · 19/04/2019 03:44

He should be cooking half the time. Who cares if he gets in an hour later? He's still capable of a quick meal. I'd be going to the gym or the pub or shopping after work, not coming home to serve his lordship.

JenniferJareau · 19/04/2019 03:46

He clearly wasn't 'starving' then was he!

He is an ungrateful twat.

llewellyn25 · 19/04/2019 03:57

Wow he's being incredibly immature. I think I'd stop cooking for him for a while! He really seems to be talking your cooking for granted.

ShinyShoe · 19/04/2019 04:06

Cheese on toast for him from now on then. Stop wasting 2 hours on meal prep!

Longdistance · 19/04/2019 04:19

My dh once moaned that Fred’s wife from his office made his sandwiches for his lunches. I made him lunch, he hated it, never made him it since 12 years ago. I don’t do my dhs washing, because he’s ruined my white bras in the past, and he has sports kit, I’m not washing that when I already do the majority of cooking and cleaning.

Dh has never moaned about my cooking, because he’s worried he’d end up with nothing.

Btw, that recipe looks lush, but I think you’re mad for cooking that on the day after work, that’s a Saturday night dinner. Don’t cook for him tomorrow Grin

Petalflowers · 19/04/2019 04:46

Are you married to my husband?

differentnameforthis · 19/04/2019 05:07

My dh used to eat everything and anything I cooked. 2 yrs ago he gave up smoking and now everything tastes "bland" even though it does not.

I make two meals, one for dd2 who has huge sensory issues with food, and one for the rest of us (me, dd1, dh). Dh has repeatedly moaned about what I cook, so now I no longer cook for him. I plan a meal, if she doesn't eat it, he is welcome to cook something else.

I'm not a cook, and I refuse to start making three meals because a grown man suddenly objects after almost 30yrs of my cooking.

Lahlahfizzyfizzydoda · 19/04/2019 05:33

I think everyone’s forgetting that it’s a bank holiday weekend and not an ordinary weeknight. So if the OP wanted to spend 2 hours making a dish then l don’t see the issue.

OP, he sounds like a man child. If he was that starving, why didn’t have a snack....

I couldn’t tolerate that shit. To make a point to him, I would make dinner for myself as soon as l got in and eat it before he gets home. When the man child moans etc about being hungry etc, I’d point him to the kitchern and tell him he had better start cooking himself something then.

However, l do like the idea of serving him the following:

Pot noodle
A microwave burger
A frozen meal

Lahlahfizzyfizzydoda · 19/04/2019 05:34

Why didn’t he!

MidniteScribbler · 19/04/2019 05:50

I can sympathise with him, because I just can't stand whole or chopped tomatoes. (The day I went to a wedding and was served a whole tomato, cut into slices, sprinkled with oil and black pepper was just about enough to make me cry.)

But I do all the cooking in this house, so I just don't serve them. If someone made me a meal with them in it, I'd just quietly push them to the side of the plate and eat around them.

SpeckledyHen · 19/04/2019 06:13

What a twat . You could have mashed it down on the plate for him as you might do for a toddler . As he is a child he couldn’t possibly have done it for himself ....

strawberrisc · 19/04/2019 06:34

Why is there always somebody ready to fall over themselves to diagnose “gaslighting?” Usually incorrectly.

Never cook for him again.

blueshoes · 19/04/2019 06:45

OP, he behaved liked an arse and does not deserve to have a meal cooked for him after work.

That said, both dh and I cook and I would agree with NoSquirrels:

But - and I speak from the position of someone who enjoys cooking and finds pottering in the kitchen relaxing, so have been guilty of this on occasion- you do need to think of who you’re cooking for. My DH would vastly prefer to eat before 8pm and would rather have what I’d consider a quick, shit meal at 7pm than a 2-hour lamb stew at 9pm. If I indulge in the 2-hour cookathon, it wouldn’t be for my DH’s benefit - it would be a bit of a selfish move on my part because I’m in charge...

Cooking is a process as much as an end product. It does not only need to be tasty, but also served up together and on time. There is a logistical issue that needs to be addressed if you agree in your generosity to continue to cook for the both of you, or you can let dh sort his own cooking out.

BeanBag7 · 19/04/2019 07:47

Well if its braised or roast lamb, you didn't really spend 2 hours on meal prep. It was 15 minutes on meal prep and then 2 hours of letting it slowly cook in the oven.

This would wind me up but I think implying that you spent 2 hours slaving over a hot stove makes it sound worse than it really was

justarandomtricycle · 19/04/2019 07:51

Do you have a Google calendar?

When DH did this I started a conversation with him about eating healthily, let him pontificate for a bit until he decided takeaways were evil, then added "Mr Tricycle cooks evening meal (no takeaways!)" to the Google calendar for every Wednesday from then to eternity.

avocadochocolate · 19/04/2019 08:10

My DP is like your DH, except he used to go the extra step and 'improve' whatever I made for him. So, he would put it back in a pan and add some more ingredients. He would then leave me his washing up.

I said to him one day that he obviously did not like my cooking and would leave him to cook his own food from now on. We have been doing that for last 10-12 years. Very occasionally we cook a meal together. It sounds horrible and I didn't like doing this but it actually works fine. Probably means our food bill is higher though.

Heatherjayne1972 · 19/04/2019 08:15

So rude. Basic manners say you eat what’s in front of you if someone has cooked you something

I’m with everyone else who thinks he needs to start doing some cooking

WhoKnewBeefStew · 19/04/2019 09:25

I don’t think this has got amything to do with what was cooked, when it was served or how long it took to cook. The fact remains that the op cooked her dh a meal and he acted like a petulant child because it had something in it that he didn’t like. I’ve cooked plenty of meals my dh or kids weren’t keen on. But rather than acting like a spoilt 6yr old, my dh thanked me for taking the time to cook but said he might prefer it don’t differently, or wasn’t keen on an ingredient, but would still eat what he could. The OP dh was bloody rude

LittleChristmasMouse · 19/04/2019 10:12

The OP clearly enjoys cooking.

I do wonder if she won't let her husband cook because it won't be as good as hers? Agree to share the cooking but accept that his meals may not be as elaborate as yours.

Would you eat it gratefully and without complaint if he cooked fish fingers on his turn?

Jux · 19/04/2019 11:37

I used to really enjoy cooking but many years of adjusting things so dh liked them have led to my not enjoying cooking any more.

Don't ket him suck the joy out of it for you. Cook when you like, what you like and using only ingredients you like.

He's being a brat, don't enable him.

MycatiscalkedElvis · 19/04/2019 17:25

2 hours cooking a pasta dish? And using tinned tomatoes?? Hmmm not sure I believe you OP sorry!

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