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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that this is incredibly rude of DH

282 replies

Namechange66 · 18/04/2019 20:24

I usually cook all of the evening meals for DH and I during the week as I get in from work earlier than he does. DH will usually come home from work whilst I’m half way through cooking and will be moaning about how starving he is, asking how much longer the food will be and generally being an impatient child. This evening, after spending 2 hours cooking our dinner and listening to DH moaning about being “starving”, I served our food and watched him sit opposite me at the table moving his food around the plate without eating anything. I asked him what was wrong and apparently as I had used chopped tomatoes instead of passata, the sauce was too was ‘lumpy’
and he only likes a smooth tomato sauce. He spent the next 5 minutes dramatically sliding bits of food around the plate and attempting to pick out each individual slither of chopped tomato. He eventually announced that he wasn’t hungry and left a whole plate full of freshly cooked food. I would never knowingly cook a meal using ingredients that somebody didn’t like and expect them to eat it, but that wasn’t the case here. After spending a lot of time cooking a fresh meal, WIBU to expect him to be an adult about such a very minor issue (smooth/lumpy sauce!!) and eat it, despite the fact it might not have been made EXACTLY how he wanted it?! DH says I’m being ridiculously petty but I feel furious, it just seems so ungrateful. AIBU?

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 19/04/2019 22:50

how are u being petty when he said he was starving then said he wouldnt eat any of it

he needs to start cooking himself your not his slave

Iflyaway · 19/04/2019 22:59

I'd have emptied the plate into his lap.

Nah, you'd be the one to have to clean it up and do the clothes washing....

Just go on strike.

Who the fuck in your head made you the maid of the house?!

smilingontheinside · 19/04/2019 23:28

He'd be wearing his bloody dinner. My oh complained about his washing once, he's had to do it himself ever since. I'd always cooked, cleaned, done the washing, sorted kids and held down a full time job so decided he'd gone too far. Has to cook sometimes now as well I've had enough so have gone on strike Wink

TriciaH87 · 19/04/2019 23:58

Next time he makes the complaint shove his dinner in a blender for 30 seconds. Tell him now the whole meal should be smooth just the way he likes it. If he wants to act like a baby let his food be served the way a baby would have it.

Bignosenobum · 19/04/2019 23:59

Dump it on his head. Why 2 hours cooking pasta and tomato etc?
Do not cook anymore for him. Tell him straight what a total arse he is.

LunafortJest · 20/04/2019 00:18

@Bignosenobum There was no pasta. Please RTFT It was BRAISED LAMB.

PentreBachCymraeg · 20/04/2019 00:30

Two hours to cook a meal? Every night?

Throw a sachet of cup 'a soup at him.
If he's going to act like a twat, treat him like one. Tell him to get another mug to put it in too Wink

BlackPrism · 20/04/2019 00:55

Wooooow. His dinner would've gone in his lap if DP did that to me

BlackPrism · 20/04/2019 00:56

@Quartz2208 a really good ragu could take 2 hours if you allow the sauce to reduce and thicken/ develop

StillCoughingandLaughing · 20/04/2019 03:19

Two hours to cook a meal? Every night?

For the love of God, buy a BRAIN.

Whoops75 · 20/04/2019 03:26

You did not spend two hours cooking pasta and tomatoes!

If you know he like sauce on his dinner it shouldn’t be a shock he doesn’t like it.

It’s not your problem but YABU for exaggerating how long it took

AwakeNow · 20/04/2019 03:57

But the OP prepared lamb, not just pasta and sauce. The sauce was only an ingredient. The recipe takes two hours.
" Add salt to taste, cover with a lid or a couple of tight layers of foil, then simmer on a low heat for around 1½ hours or transfer into a deep baking tin cover with foil and finish cooking it in the oven at 150°C/300°F/gas 2 for about 2 hours, or until the meat is tender."

www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/lamb-recipes/mediterranean-braised-lamb-and-couscous/

Floralhousecoat · 20/04/2019 04:15

Can't believe people are still banging on about the sauce taking two hours. She cooked lamb, people. Lamb.

OP COOKED LAMB, NOT SAUCE.

YemenRoadYemen · 20/04/2019 04:46

FFS @Whoops75 - read the thread!

araiwa · 20/04/2019 05:36

As adult i reserve the right not to eat food i dont like

But also as an adult i just leave stuff i dont like to the side of the plate without making a fuss

BewilderedPiskie · 20/04/2019 07:16

Your husband is an ungrateful knob

Damsel · 20/04/2019 07:27

Is your DH rude, obnoxious & infant-like in all aspects of his life? Or does he reserve this emotional bullying behaviour for home exclusively? I’d love to see him try this in a work environment if something didn’t please him.

It sounds like a pattern of behaviour from what you describe. My only question therefore is why on earth you would choose to live your one life with such a person.

RosamundDarnley · 20/04/2019 07:50

Three guesses what I've decided to cook for tonights dinner? Clue: It's been mentioned on this thread and it's not pasta in sauce Wink

Sounds lush after a day of gardening!

MissFitton · 20/04/2019 07:50

This thread is infuriating for two reason:

  1. the number of women who pander to pathetic man-children who will apparently starve if their dinner isn't just so and

  2. the sheer volume of posters who can't seem to RTFT.

OP, ywnbu and your LAMB dish sounds lovely!

septembersunshine · 20/04/2019 07:57

Op, he was a big dick! So ungrateful.

That aside, batch cook to save you cooking every night. Its a waste of your time. He can also batch cook too.

So one weekend cook a huge vat of chilli, a huge vat of Bolognese, stew etc... Buy freezer bags. Put 2 portions in each bag and freeze them. Then when you come home from work all you have to do is cook pasta or rice/potatoes/veg or whatever goes with that particular meal and heat up the bag of froozen. (Or put the bag of froozen in the fridge to defrost in the morning before you leave for work) Game changer op!

givemesteel · 20/04/2019 08:35

Quite seriously, my dh would probably marry you right now OP (I am pregnant and cooking smells make me nauseous so haven't cooked for months).

You sound like a great, considerate cook and he really doesn't know how lucky he is that you take charge of cooking (which I assume means you also do the food shopping and meal planning) every night. He's hugely ungrateful and I'm not joking when I say a lot of men would take his place.

Riv · 20/04/2019 09:27

givemesteel: I would happily take his place!
Although to be fair I do have a man of my own who does (nearly) all the cooking. Grin

DevaDiva · 20/04/2019 10:09

I agree with @CalmDownPacino this thread makes me sad and angry. All the posters trying to justify the DH's pathetic behaviour, go back and read the OP.

It is not acceptable to behave like that. If the poor man child was that hungry he could have had a snack when he got in from work to keep him going until dinner was ready.

YANBU and need him to accept how unreasonable he was.

ForksintheRoad · 20/04/2019 11:51

Oh wow. It's like he's married his mother!!

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 20/04/2019 12:33

Where is the OP?
I want to know what the outcome was and if she is taking a stand

I’d be bloody delighted to come home to a cooked dinner every night... especially lamb

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