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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this is incredibly rude of DH

282 replies

Namechange66 · 18/04/2019 20:24

I usually cook all of the evening meals for DH and I during the week as I get in from work earlier than he does. DH will usually come home from work whilst I’m half way through cooking and will be moaning about how starving he is, asking how much longer the food will be and generally being an impatient child. This evening, after spending 2 hours cooking our dinner and listening to DH moaning about being “starving”, I served our food and watched him sit opposite me at the table moving his food around the plate without eating anything. I asked him what was wrong and apparently as I had used chopped tomatoes instead of passata, the sauce was too was ‘lumpy’
and he only likes a smooth tomato sauce. He spent the next 5 minutes dramatically sliding bits of food around the plate and attempting to pick out each individual slither of chopped tomato. He eventually announced that he wasn’t hungry and left a whole plate full of freshly cooked food. I would never knowingly cook a meal using ingredients that somebody didn’t like and expect them to eat it, but that wasn’t the case here. After spending a lot of time cooking a fresh meal, WIBU to expect him to be an adult about such a very minor issue (smooth/lumpy sauce!!) and eat it, despite the fact it might not have been made EXACTLY how he wanted it?! DH says I’m being ridiculously petty but I feel furious, it just seems so ungrateful. AIBU?

OP posts:
TheOnlyWayToEatSandwiches · 18/04/2019 23:45

LTB

NaturatintGoldenChestnut · 18/04/2019 23:46

My DD's teenage boyfriend is way more considerate than this guy.

croprotationinthe13thcentury · 18/04/2019 23:58

I’d be the one LTB-ing if I had to wait 2 HOURS for dinner.

NaturatintGoldenChestnut · 19/04/2019 00:07

I'd definitely leave anyone who whinged about how they had to wait for dinner but expected me to do all the cooking. Want to eat on your own terms then you cook your own.

tinnitusqueen · 19/04/2019 00:09

I might have put the meal in a colander, washed off the sauce in tap water and put it back on his plate Grin ooh or put the whole meal in the blender. Ta-dahhh! Smoooooth!

Purpleartichoke · 19/04/2019 00:13

I rarely cook for DH anymore. I’ll make him the occasional steak and he knows if he wants that to continue he will keep his mouth shut if it isn’t perfect. I used to cook every night, but too many nights of him picking at the food, making “helpfull” suggestions about how to make it better next time, or asking me why it was slightly different than last time (ever so slightly thicker, thinner, saltier, creamier, any tiny variation got mentioned). Stopping cooking for him saved our marriage.

Singlewhiteguineapig · 19/04/2019 00:17

He is a cunt

Weenurse · 19/04/2019 00:17

I am another one for he can organise his own meals.
First time husband did the washing after we were married, he mixed whites with darks as he lived with his parents prior to marriage and had never done washing.
When we saw the results, he looked at me and said “you will never let me do the washing again”. My response “you need more practice, you can do it from now on “.
Your DH needs more practice!

timeisnotaline · 19/04/2019 00:19

The petty comment is what would have really tipped me over the edge. Before that it was blow up and make him cook territory, after that it is nuclear. Pot noodles and tinned pasta alternated for a week then on the weekend whoknewbeefstew’s suggestion, minus the swearing in front of the kids. Then I’d tell him he’s cooking for the week after.

Orangeballon · 19/04/2019 00:21

Tell him to make himself a sandwich and that the cook has been dismissed!

Hearhere · 19/04/2019 00:21

he's a gas-lighting pos

AwdBovril · 19/04/2019 00:23

Tell him the cook has gone on strike for better conditions. He needs to stock up on instant noodles.

64sNewName · 19/04/2019 00:33

Ltb

LittleChristmasMouse · 19/04/2019 00:43

Why don't you each take it in turns to cook dinner and choose it? Then he can have quick food or the food that he enjoys on his night and you can have more elaborate food on your nights?

Weenurse · 19/04/2019 00:49

Have a cook up on the days you are off together so that you can each pick something you like out of the freezer during your working week and no one has to wait

NaturatintGoldenChestnut · 19/04/2019 00:54

My guess is he expects her to do all the cooking because she finishes work earlier.

Crafting1Queen · 19/04/2019 01:04

He. Is. An. Arse.

As he only likes smooth tomato sauce, a week of serving him up a tin of Heinz tomato soup, with Bib on the side, as soon as he steps one foot in the door, or actually just heating up the fucking jar or carton of said fucking passata sauce, again with Bib on the side. Do not say a word if he gives you the WTF is this comments/looks, whilst you just calmly look at him/calmly sit down and tuck into whatever delicious freshly homecooked meal you have made for yourself (having made sure there's not enough for 2 servings) until he finishes throwing his adult baby temper tantrum and stamping his adult baby feet, and at some point ask sweetly if he needs burped and his nappy changed whilst feeding, just be sure to ask …..

Act like a petulant child, treat like a petulant child …..

Crafting1Queen · 19/04/2019 01:06

Oh and you hope he is able to move onto solids soon …..

NoSquirrels · 19/04/2019 01:10

How has this thread become about the op being a dick for cooking a nice dinner on a week night

Her DH was the dick on this occasion, definitely.

But - and I speak from the position of someone who enjoys cooking and finds pottering in the kitchen relaxing, so have been guilty of this on occasion- you do need to think of who you’re cooking for. My DH would vastly prefer to eat before 8pm and would rather have what I’d consider a quick, shit meal at 7pm than a 2-hour lamb stew at 9pm. If I indulge in the 2-hour cookathon, it wouldn’t be for my DH’s benefit - it would be a bit of a selfish move on my part because I’m in charge...

So saying save the slow-braises fir the weekend isn’t excusing his bad behaviour, but it might be worth checking first that there’s not an underlying issue of just-in-from-work-and-hangry that could be coming into play.

I would be outsourcing him his own dinner some night, though.

HBStowe · 19/04/2019 01:19

God what an exhausting twat.

The things the women of MN tolerate!!!

Ihatehashtags · 19/04/2019 01:47

I would tell him to fuck right off and that from now on he cooks. Then I’d moan about every meal he cooked for a week or so. That might sort him out.

justilou1 · 19/04/2019 02:22

I can't believe you tolerated his whingeing while you were cooking.... He would have been asked to hand over his phone and been handed back google maps with directions to the nearest McDonald's. (And then called something unmentionably rude.)

If he had sat down to something I had lovingly prepared and spoken in that way, I would have stood up, picked up his plate, tipped it into the bin, pointed to the door and returned to my meal. I would not tolerate that shit from anyone.

JeezOhGeeWhizz · 19/04/2019 02:50

Stop cooking for him. Let him sort his own dinner.

TheSerenDipitY · 19/04/2019 02:54

so you worked then came home and made dinner and he acted like a cunt over the tomato in the sauce???
that would be the last dinner i made him, he can start cooking his own from now on, does he do his share of the house work? if not start him on half the jobs too

GirlRaisedInTheSouth · 19/04/2019 02:56

Why did it take 2 hours? What time did he get home and what time did you dish up?

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