To think that this is incredibly rude of DH

[Namechange66]

I usually cook all of the evening meals for DH and I during the week as I get in from work earlier than he does. DH will usually come home from work whilst I’m half way through cooking and will be moaning about how starving he is, asking how much longer the food will be and generally being an impatient child. This evening, after spending 2 hours cooking our dinner and listening to DH moaning about being “starving”, I served our food and watched him sit opposite me at the table moving his food around the plate without eating anything. I asked him what was wrong and apparently as I had used chopped tomatoes instead of passata, the sauce was too was ‘lumpy’
and he only likes a smooth tomato sauce. He spent the next 5 minutes dramatically sliding bits of food around the plate and attempting to pick out each individual slither of chopped tomato. He eventually announced that he wasn’t hungry and left a whole plate full of freshly cooked food. I would never knowingly cook a meal using ingredients that somebody didn’t like and expect them to eat it, but that wasn’t the case here. After spending a lot of time cooking a fresh meal, WIBU to expect him to be an adult about such a very minor issue (smooth/lumpy sauce!!) and eat it, despite the fact it might not have been made EXACTLY how he wanted it?! DH says I’m being ridiculously petty but I feel furious, it just seems so ungrateful. AIBU?

@Miscella
He didn’t say he didn’t like it. He sulked like a baby. And sulked off
Therein lies the problem

@Namechange66 Pleeeeease show him this thread & point him towards the frozen meal aisle in Tesco. Or a cookbook. Dick.

@Miscella As with so many things, the actual issue is not that he didn't like the food. It was the disrespectful, childish way he decided to behave towards his DW in order to really make sure she understood he thought it was shit and wasn't how he wanted it. It was the complaining he's starving then saying he's not hungry. It's the ridiculousness of saying OP is being petty. None of that is a nice way to be treated by the person who's meant to be your partner in life.

Jeesus! what a spoilt child if he don't like it tell him to cook it himself i have to pay someone to cook here!

After spending a lot of time cooking a fresh meal, WIBU to expect him to be an adult about such a very minor issue (smooth/lumpy sauce!!)

I can't imagine it taking two hours to make something that involves a tomato sauce. It would take me twenty minutes. And if dh came home and said that he didn't fancy that. No prob.. Do what I do. I make my own dinner when I get home and I make enough for the two of us.
If he doesn't fancy what I've made he can make his own.
If he doesn't eat it I fridge it and eat it myself the next day.
Fortunately, my husband is no stranger to the production of a delicious meal. We necessarily keep very different hours, are up at different times and go to bed a couple of hours apart, him being an early bird and me being a night owl. (Unavoidable)

If OPs husband is so hungry when he gets home that he cannot wait a nanosecond, then he needs to prepare a meal that he can perhaps microwave. Or prepare something that OP can pop in the oven immediately she gets home and which will be thoroughly heated through on his arrival. It's not rocket science. I think it's a fairly good bet that OP would be more than happy to eat anything her husband could produce in a slow cooker, or something he had prepared the night before.

My MiL was scandalised to hear that, not only do my husband and myself not always eat at the same time, we often don't eat the same food. "That must make things very difficult!" She said, visibly shocked.
But no. What would make life difficult is being forced to eat a meal when you're not hungry, or being made to wait when you are starving hungry!!
Whilst I'm not actually vegetarian for any ethical reasons, I don't really like meat so could easily be a veggie. Husband is a raging carnivore and craves chicken liver and that pork crackling stuff, and bacon, and he puts that horrible processed chorizo stuff into almost everything he cooks. If my husband knows he is going to need to eat the second he gets home, then he shares in the preparation for that.

Both my BiL and my own brother really hate lumpy tomatoes also.
It's not unusual.

I'd have pointed him in the direction of the blender if his sauce was too lumpy He's like blooming Goldilocks.
Don't cook for him every night and if he's so grumpy and can't wait for food then he should eat more at lunch or grab a snack on the way home. His whole bloody attitude would annoy me.

I think you're a poor cook OP

I think you're a poor cook OP

Taste shit through a screen can you?

It wasn't the tomato sauce that took two hours to cook, it was the lamb.

OP, I would be sorely tempted to do as a PP suggested and give your husband pureed dinner tomorrow while you have something chewy and delicious.

Your op said you had spent 2 hours cooking but then you said DH complained about lumpy tomatoes, my tinned tomatoes are mush after Only 20- 30 mins of cooking a spag Bol/ chilli/ base for lasagne/ added to a curry so maybe you need to change brands.

Re chopped tomatoes, I use them all the time and he’s never complained before. I did raise that point during our little argument after dinner and he said they are not usually lumpy and perhaps I hadn’t cooked the food for long enough.... after moaning that the food takes too long!!

Not going to lie, there are times I get in and I am starving and am really annoyed that my house husband is still 40 mins away from dishing up, especially as I pre make loads of food and there is very little actual cooking that needs doing.

I’m thinking the two of you need to come up with a weekly menu, no tomato based pasta should take 2 hours and still be lumpy, either pre cook /batch cook and freeze loads of meals or invest in a slow cooker so that when you get in it is all ready to serve and so is less hassle for the both of you.

Well he was clearly lying when he said he was 'starving'. 'Starving' means you wolf down whatever comes within range of your fork. 'Starving' does not push food around the plate, it shovels it down.

Fuck that shit.

He can make himself a sandwich for the rest of the month at least.

@miscellaneous It's not the fact that he didn't like it. It was the way he carried on like a child. My mam is a brilliant cook and I have always loved her food. One day she tried something new that I didn't like and instead of carrying on like the OP's husband I just apologised to my mam and said I couldn't eat what she had made. The difference is that I felt bad and didn't want to hurt her feelings unlike the Ops dh. He has just been acting like a spoilt brat.

Why after being in work all day would YOU want t9 spend 2 hours cooking? Bonkers!

@ miscella above not miscellaneous

I live on my own. If someone made me toast I would probably marry them
In fact I liked being in hospital because I got two brews at a time, and they came with cake
Cheeky git

I’d have to be monumentally petty about this in your shoes now OP!

I’d cook his absolute favourite dinner. Serve up mine and this kids. Then take his, right in front of him, out it in a blender, liquidise it, poor it into a glass and put it in from of him, then tell him ‘there you go darling, I’ve made it just the way you like it, there’s no fucking lumps in it now’ then sit down and eat my own dinner

To everyone sneering about the 2 hours cooking time, take heart that it’s actually much longer. The planning, the buying, lugging it home and prepping.

I’d call this kind of thinking and hard-work a kindness for your partner rather than stupidity.

OP, you really do need to change your game for the next week. It’s not a ‘tit for tat’ or punishment. He truly needs to feel the discomfort of doing his own (preferably yours too) planning and cooking. Natural empathy and manners escape him, so hard work is the only way for him to learn. You’re actually doing him a favour.

@WhoKnewBeefStew I’m chuckling at the thought!

I used to do fry ups and Sunday lunch. DH complained about the choice of meat one Sunday lunch. So I only did fry ups. Then he complained about not having chopped tomatoes. I only do fry ups when I fancy one now. :)

My DH before we had kids used to expect this kind of Jamie Oliver style cooking and was fussy about ingredients and so on. These days he'd be delighted to come home to egg and chips. Use this as an opportunity to start lowering expectations OP, make freezer food or let him just pick up a takeaway every night on the way home, he'll be begging for for lumpy tomato lamb before too long.

It wasn't the tomato sauce that took two hours to cook, it was the lamb

Well that's a fair enough observation. But that would be a proper special dinner. Not a weekday tea (dinner/supper, depending on where you live)

Anyway, not judging. Just saying, I'd have him making his own if he pissed about with my food like that. He'd be making his own. As indeed, my husband does, mostly. Which usually involves him slapping several rashers of nitrate filled bacon on the grill, to top off the lovely cheese and vegetable bake I didn't actually need to slave over.

Seriously I would OP... he’s beyond rude and ungrateful and massively disrespectful.

I do wish people would read the whole thread recipe 2 hours to braised lamb, fair enough, IMO.

So when he next gets in from work, have nothing ready and tell him he’s making tea. Whatever my dh makes, I’m incredibly grateful that I didn’t have to make it, even if I’m not mad keen. No way would I leave food that had been made for me unless it was truly inedible.

In 2001 dh complained that his clothes that I had washed for him had one of my (then very long) hairs on it.

In 2017 I started washing his clothes again.

My hero. Seriously. OP, tell him you'll cook for him again in about 15 years or so...

Why do people keep mentioning pasta sauce?

I am assuming it was the lamb that needed to cook for 2 hours.

Anyway, aren't sauces like bolognese meant to simmer for much longer than 40 minutes to get the full flavour?