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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this colleague is a knob and to tell her to wind her neck in

129 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 17/04/2019 21:31

I work in a small team so maybe she’s getting on my tits cause there’s nowhere to deflect it to but....

I’m a vegan, I’m not a preachy one, my DP eats meat my lodger eats meat my sister eats meat. I don’t care, I’ll get proper milk in when I’ve got people round, I just choose not to eat it. and it went unnoticed at work until someone arranged a work meal and I had to mention it.
My.fucking.god. You’d think I’d mentioned I only eat live puppies to one woman. She doesn’t like me much anyway but this has weirdly been something for her to sink her claws in about. Everything I do is fussy/something she whinges about, asking for a black coffee on the brew round gets an eye roll, having an apple as a snack “oh that would never fill me,” offered her a slice of toast from the bread I brought in “oh no I bet vegan bread is disgusting” couldn’t be bothered with the argument that most bread is vegan so left it.
Today she had a massive go at me after I perfectly politely turned down a chocolate biscuit she offered me, going on about how I’m being pathetic, I should just eat it it’s not like cows die to make milk. Decided to not mention the problems of the dairy industry and just politely say “no thank you” again.

She also has recently taking to deciding everything I eat is SO unhealthy and having a go about me about everything because I need chicken...
WIBU to tell her I’m not taking diet advice from someone who eats pot noodle and share size bags of crisps for lunch and to wind her fucking neck in?

OP posts:
Mummaofmytribe · 18/04/2019 06:42

Oh gawd, you're obviously slim and look great. She's green with envy. People who try to do others down instead of doing something positive for themselves are so unhappy it seems to me. It must be driving you up the wall.
Maybe you could say "oh, but if I ate what you eat, I'd be the size of a house"
Let her draw her own conclusions.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 18/04/2019 07:03

I used to work with a guy like this. Every day he used to bombard me with implausible situations where eating meat was the only alternative to death. He even told me his mission was to 'catch me out'. It got very wearing but thankfully he got the sack before I killed him!

FrozenMargarita17 · 18/04/2019 07:12

You need one of these to write in every time she does it !

To think this colleague is a knob and to tell her to wind her neck in
kateandme · 18/04/2019 07:21

no don't comment on what she eats and therefore her size.this would then make you as bad as someone who does this.its an awful thing to do.hurtful and judgie.
let her be that person.becasue its now making you look at her food choices and weight and that's never nice.

p.s the dairy industry in the uk is fine but that's by the by.

I think it works both ways.you will get the vice versa of your problem in many officers.
let her be.it will say more on her than you.

LakieLady · 18/04/2019 07:30

I'd explain to her that when I need advice on my food choices, I'll be sure to come and ask her.

And until that day, to stfu.

LordWheresMyShoes · 18/04/2019 07:34

So glad @kateandme had said what I'm thinking. There are an awful lot of comments on here suggesting pointing out her size/food to her. Can we do less of the fat shaming please? 98% of people dieting end up gaining the weight back plus some, and unless people deal with the reasons why they're overeating (difficult not impossible, but poorly understood and supported) pointing out to her that her food isn't healthy won't help and is likely to cause further unhappiness/eat more spiral.

She's clearly not behaving well towards the op, and I'd put money on the fact that she's projecting get own food issues. You can call it out and draw a boundary without food or fat shaming her. How about next time she does it, "Karen, I find it rude and a bit weird that you comment on my food choices so much, please stop."

Butterfly84 · 18/04/2019 07:36

Report her to your manager.

She is being consistently rude, unprofessional and making you feel uncomfortable.

How hard is it just to accept and respect other people's views and diets?

Thecabbageassasin · 18/04/2019 07:38

@donotworry.
I wasn’t suggesting them as a healthy nutritious snack. I was alluding to the annoying colleagues own, albeit unintentional, vegan food choices.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 18/04/2019 07:38

You should start winding her up more! Push your views on her, every time she’s around you make sure you tell her your opinions!
‘Oh, I’m a vegan so I think ...xxx’

Oooh! This is inspired Gross!

Doit every time something is mentioned OP - especially on totally unrelated-to-diet topics.

"Speaking as a vegan, I could never have a pink bathroom . . ."

"As a vegan I wouldn't dream of visiting the cinema on Friday evenings . . . "

"I'm vegan, so obviously I prefer Stanley Spencer's art to Tamara de Lempicka's . . . "

YouBumder · 18/04/2019 07:41

YANBU

you sound lovely and she sounds a total dick. I’m obese and have food issues but I never talk about what other people eat. I used to have a colleague who clearly had food issues and she was always commenting on other people’s food it was very bloody wearing

snapcrap · 18/04/2019 07:43

I would go with something that will embarrass and shut her up so:

'Why ARE you so obsessed with me?'

'Blimey I think you're more invested in what I eat then I am!'

Then after if she continues to point things out just say things like 'Oh there she goes again! I think I've got a stalker' etc etc.

Margot33 · 18/04/2019 07:49

Agree with @Humpy84:-
Ask her if she excerises and tell her how many miles you ran every single time she mentions the food! 😂

notacooldad · 18/04/2019 07:56

WIBU to tell her I’m not taking diet advice from someone who eats pot noodle and share size bags of crisps for lunch and to wind her fucking neck in?
I would have said that ages ago to be honest.
I am a veggie and no one cares!!
Well that's not exactly true
When people are making a fry up at lunchtime for the next shift they will make sure I'm not left out and will use a different frying pan but on a day to day basis it goes without comment.

labazsisgoingmad · 18/04/2019 07:57

oh i get this all the time im treated like some kind of leper because of my beliefs and diet which i dont ram down peoples throat. im like you live with a meat eating partner who respects my choice of food wish people would sod off and leave us in peace

meercat23 · 18/04/2019 08:01

I am also planning to steal the. Can I stop you there strategy. Maybe followed up with. Thank you when they stop to hear what I have to say.

I almost cant wait for a chance to try it out now.

On a more serious note, people who seem unable to restrain themselves from commenting on what someone else eats, (or any other aspect of their life for that matter) are difficult to cope with. In a work environment it is inappropriate and unpleasant.

GirlRaisedInTheSouth · 18/04/2019 08:09

She’s bullying you. For that reason she deserves to be fat shamed, IMO.

Yabbers · 18/04/2019 08:11

@lablablab

Why is the tinkly laugh necessary if OP is calling it out?

Ferii · 18/04/2019 08:11

I wholeheartedly agree with @lablablab. Politely challenge her everytime, she has no legitimate reason for questioning you and eye rolling so if you ask her to explain it each time she'll eventually just hang herself and not be able to answer. She'll look like even more of a dick than she already does.

Yogagirl123 · 18/04/2019 08:12

Can’t stand people that judge others choices, mostly ignorant types, live and let live I say. Ignore her OP.

BelindasRedPlasticHandcuffs · 18/04/2019 08:14

Can I stop you there strategy. Maybe followed up with. Thank you when they stop to hear what I have to say.

And if she asks what you were going to say...

'Nothing, I just really needed you to stop talking about things you don't understand. Now, off you fuck have a good afternoon, I've got work to do.'

thecatsthecats · 18/04/2019 08:30

My go to phrase is "I didn't think people really commented on things like that!"

In my head, at least, it feels like I've suavely informed them that their etiquette is oh so lacking, whilst I go back to my day of dazzling superiority, not upset, but mildly curious about the lives of the ill-bred. And probably off to some dazzling, Gatsby-esque soiree in the evening.

In real life, it does actually shut people up, but they probably think I'm a twat. But it suits me as long as they fuck off.

RaffertyFair · 18/04/2019 08:32

She sounds both deeply annoying and probably equally insecure. I agree it's not appropriate in work team and you should not have to experience this.

But I'm not sure why you haven't said anything up to now? I mean calmly and clearly?

Their are some clever and funny responses on this thread but it seems odd to go from accepting / saying nothing to a full on attack. Referencing her size and eating habits would lose you the high ground too.

Tell her you find her comments about your food choices rude and would like her to stop. If she doesn't, take it up with her line manager.

likeridingabike · 18/04/2019 08:35

I hate people commenting on what I eat, even if it's a positive comment, it's a weird thing to do unless you're sharing a meal. I wouldn't rise to it, let her be the one banging on about it, maybe just share a confused face with colleagues, it's her issue she needs to stand out as the one making a fuss, if you respond it becomes your thing as well.

RosamundDarnley · 18/04/2019 08:43

I used to know someone who did the "oh but you're vegetarian so..."routine to me every time we went out or food was mentioned. It really got on my tits but (didn't quite like to call her out as was far less gobby than I am now) one day sitting in a pub with a fairly large group of us when she began her long spiel about me (when we hadn't even looked at the menu yet!) one woman said to her "what is your fucking problem, all you can do is yap about people choosing not to eat meat the whole time, Rosamund never mentions that she's veggie but you do".

The look on her face when she realised that she actually was doing what she had implied I did was fantastic. She then remembered she had to go and immediately left.

Not what I had wanted, I just wanted her to stop going on about it all the time, but she was obviously seriously pissing off other people too.

cstaff · 18/04/2019 08:52

What @RosamundDarnley said is perfect if you have a friend who could do something similar. Then you are not the bad guy and it might actually shut her up.

Once she realises how ridiculous she makes herself sound she may stfu.