Bathing your kid twice a day .... is it me? Am I an evil step mother.

[lickencivers]

I’ve gained two lovely step children. One of which suffers from pretty horrific eczema. Especially on hands (all cracked open at the knuckles etc). Whilst I have dry skin myself I have zero experience of this sort of stuff with my own DC.

DP and their mum seem to be using a lot of steroid based cream and epiderm but it doesn’t do a thing to ease him.

I’ve suggested alternative things (like putting porridge oats in a sock in the bath) as helped the itching when Mine had chicken pox etc

However, they bath their kids normally twice a day. If not twice then definitely religiously every night. Without fail. Gina Ford babies —I didn’t do routine either— any way. Any help or advice? Because I’m getting ulcers biting my tongue.

Then after dinner he runs their bath and they’re in it now. Fuck sake.

Jesus, what is wrong with him? 😡

To those saying about me interfering with a treatment plan - that would be all well and good if this was actually a treatment plan. There’s no emollient in the bath. Epiderm isn’t used when they get out. The only thing religiously used is the bloody fucibet.

There’s a crack in the little ones hand so deep and wide you could roll a pound four edge in it. I could cry.

obviously it’s bloody painful for him

*pound coin

PCohle Thu 18-Apr-19 17:49:15
mathanxiety Then perhaps that is something that the children's parents should raise with the relevant prescribing doctor.

Well duh...

And that is why I have advised the OP and her DP to do this - make the appointment, bring the mum along, everybody sit down and have a long chat about why a topical medication that should not be used for a year on children for two very significant reasons is still being used a year from the initial appointment, in the context of a daily bathing regimen that is being inflicted, all apparently to no effect and to the considerable distress of the children.

Not something a step mother should decide just because she knows best
The fact that she is a step mother is relevant - why?
She is parenting these children 50% of the time. Not eow.
Her own children are living in the home and presumably witnessing the distressing scenes associated with bath time.
She can see that the treatment is not effective, so challenging it is the responsible thing to do because the children cannot speak up to medical professionals independently and their father seems the sort to go along with whatever he is told to do just for a quiet life.

The children's mother apparently has mental health issues and is struggling. She won't talk to the OP at all. The DP has dropped the ball when it comes to proactive involvement in the care of the eczema (or he would have made follow up appointments well before now and queried the stupid twice a week swimming routine) and in the meanwhile, caught between the parents, the small children are suffering from a skin condition that has not improved, with a treatment regimen that is causing distress and possibly worsening the condition.

A grandmother or aunt or any other relative with whom the children stay 50% of the time would have exactly the same right and duty to offer opinions about alternatives and to be involved in the medical visits.

Two baths a day would have my DD bleeding from how cracked her skin would be!
She suffers really badly with it on her hands and I’ve tried everything for years and recently discovered the La Roche Posay (probably all spelt wrong!) intensive repairing hand cream absolutely brilliant! Used daily it seems to totally banish all traces of dryness!

OP, I would actually be thinking of calling the NSPCC and describing the situation, because what you are describing (the hand and continuing with treatment that is not working and has not been reviewed in a timely manner) could possibly be classed as abusive.

Pretty horrific the DC have been given repeat prescriptions for a whole year from the GP in large quantities and it's not be queried adequately

@randommess their prescription list is vast for a whole myriad of unnessary drugs or medications which could easily be purchased OTC cheaply, or due to use of private health cover - have been granted. And I don’t say that as a judgemental OW as I’ve been cast as on this thread. Both my own Dc and one of the step kids suffer from the same medical condition. Very common I think. We were referred through from GP post hospital admission to see a paediatrician specialising in this condition who explained thoroughly drug treatments etc and ages which they should be used from. Yet step son is considerably younger and on same medication - as mum didn’t get the answers she wanted from own gp so paid privately. I’m not a doctor but I do understand medical drug indications and contraindications and side effects. I roll my eyes at that one.

I do not know why the OP is getting such a bashing. She doesn’t sound like an arsey smug stepmum but a really concerned stepmum. She has a responsibility to highlight if the children are in pain to her DH.
My son had open sores with his exzema till about 2. It was horrific the constant bleeding the sores getting infected. Constant steroids. In the end we cut out dairy. Gone. Beautiful skin. Been to see a dermatologist and a nutritionist. He’s healthy and well. I gave him milk by mistake the other day and his back was a mess of open cuts.
Maybe cream isn’t the answer.

The routine of bath and the epiderm battle

and

Epiderm isn’t used when they get out. The only thing religously used is the bloody fucibet

are a bit contradictory. Which is it? The epiderm should be used with three minutes of getting out of the bath or of course it will be making it worse.

What’s your problem @ArfArfBarf ?

Seriously?

What’s yours?

lickencivers maybe a very long shot, but is there any worry about Munchausen's syndrome by proxy?

How many doctors have been visited?

Why persist with swimming?

Well I can safely assure you despite 3 fucking massive tubs of it in the bath room it wasn’t used tonight. It gets used some times. I hear the battle. And then they have it on their hands and he’s asking them not to touch their hair etc. Then they complain their pjs are stuck to them.

My son has eczema and the GP advised to bathe him only once or twice a week. Do you think you could persuade your DP to ask the GP about it? Or perhaps show him some advice by the eczema society?

My DS is 23 and has severe eczema, when he was a child I kept it at bay with daily baths, using aqueous cream and bath oils, we had a combination of steroids and 50/50 ointment and various creams during the day. It was bloody hard work but it was under control, swimming isn’t bad for every person with eczema, when you have very dry thick skin chlorine helps to soften it and providing the chlorine is washed off immediately with cream applied straight away it can be very effective. The fucibet will have been prescribed because they have infected eczema, as my DS has and this can be a big problem, it should have been used and tapered over 6 weeks to treat the infection though so I suspect something was lost in translation. My DS isn’t s good at managing his skin as an adult and currently has infected eczema which requires oral steroids, antibiotics, daily bathing with cream applications. To be honest if the kids skin hasn’t improved then yes a return to the docs is required, it is very stressful dealing with two kids with eczema, both mine had it one had childhood eczema which was not as severe as his brothers which is a condition he will have for life. The mother sounds like she is trying to follow the plan set but perhaps doesn’t understand that you have to question the plan if it isn’t working. What works for one may not work for another I have bought every single ‘miracle’ cream going and not one of them works for my son.

When mine was on steroid cream via the consultant it was very much sparingly etc so it just seems inconceivable that they've been using so much of it with no consultant review

I really hope your DP realised that he needs to stand up for the DC and state that no improvement after 6 months means it isn't working.

I suspect food intolerances are probably an issue so many severe cases are helped by food elimination to find the cause but impossible if both parents aren't on side.

@mathanxiety not sure about doctors children visited. Last saw a dr Christmas time as DP Went along too as both had blood tests. Not seen a gp since afaik. Both awaiting referrals to 2 different private clinicians for 2 other separate issues I think currently.

Whatever is currently “best practice” for excema, it obviously isn’t working for these children.

A year of twice daily baths and fucibet with no improvement means it isn’t working and likely will never work. It’s not like they haven’t given it a chance.

O/p is right it needs a review and something needs to change. These children are suffering. It sounds like their mh may be involved too- if they think they are dirty not bathing twice a day it may take some adjustment to change that.

I agree with mathanxiety about nspcc. Surely .....with concerns about unnecessary or incorrect medical treatment (is this a different condition?) and the concerns you have over the way the eczema is being dealt with (and I don't think 2 baths a day is wrong if it is part of a regimen set by a medical professional involving the correct creams, support and follow ups) .... shouldn't social services be getting involved?

poor kids

they're lucky to have you fighting their corner OP

OP - i think a social services referral is probably the only thing that will get through the thick skulls of these 'parents'.
They seem more concerned with 'routine' than their dc's health and wellbeing, what;'s worse is that the dc are being conditioned into the same mindset.

lickencivers having read your updates I agree with you that their treatment of their skin is poor. The dermatologist we saw was clear that by the time you were onto antibiotic cream you had not been doing the fire fighting ( he called it) beforehand. The main thing was emollient and preventative creams and only ever using steroid creams as a last resort.... Glad your going to the GP as I feel for the poor kids. Its been a battle managing my DS but we are on top of it and havent used fucibet since he was 4.

I noticed a couple of pp also mentioned this but to reitteriate... eczema is often linked to allergies. cows milk allergy is the most common one in children.