Bathing your kid twice a day .... is it me? Am I an evil step mother.

[lickencivers]

I’ve gained two lovely step children. One of which suffers from pretty horrific eczema. Especially on hands (all cracked open at the knuckles etc). Whilst I have dry skin myself I have zero experience of this sort of stuff with my own DC.

DP and their mum seem to be using a lot of steroid based cream and epiderm but it doesn’t do a thing to ease him.

I’ve suggested alternative things (like putting porridge oats in a sock in the bath) as helped the itching when Mine had chicken pox etc

However, they bath their kids normally twice a day. If not twice then definitely religiously every night. Without fail. Gina Ford babies —I didn’t do routine either— any way. Any help or advice? Because I’m getting ulcers biting my tongue.

I have chronic eczema and have always.

Bathing (with no bath additives) still drys my skin out.

I can not swim as the chlorine is horrible for my skin (suggest you limit the swimming)

As a small child my parents dutifully followed doctors advice (of bathing, emollient, steroid creams, wet bandages etc. It never worked and I was a mess throughout childhood. The Oilatum and the E45 actually used to hurt me. No one believed me and the doctors persisted. sometimes I even had to take steroid tablets because it was so bad.

My eczema came under control at uni basically because I stopped the routine because I was lazy and more interested in drinking. And stopping the routine cleared my eczema up. It is only under control by me because I have realised the doctors' advice was wrong!

I use Sanex showergel on my bits and water on the rest of my body. I do not swim. One day in the pool at centreparcs and my skin was ruined for the rest of the week.

I use aveeno on big parts of skin (thighs, arms etc) if dry and Hydrocortisone if I have a flare up on my elbows/back of knees.

I think your observation is bang on. The baths need to stop their poor skin needs a break.

Oh give over Yabbers, you're putting words into the OPs mouth. She's said nothing about chemicals and oat baths can be soothing so why the heck should she not try that?

it was oat baths and lush dream cream that that sorted dd's eczema whereas the prescribed creams only made things worse.

oddly, for dc swimming helped his eczema. but had to be rinsed after or his skin broke out.
trial and error - and sometimes it feels like nothing helps.

2 baths a day for an eczema suffer is not good! My husband has bad eczema and the GP told him to shower every 3 days and even then it completely irritates his skin. Poor child ☹️

Bathing twice a day - for children - isn't a good idea at all. Even once a day is probably overkill, unless they children are extremely dirty or have continence issues.

Bathing daily with emollient and following a cream regime, sorted my skin. I started following the advice that my daughter had had from her paediatrician and which my god daughter had had when she was under Great Ormond Street hospital....which was to bathe daily (twice daily in god daughter's case) with emollients and cream after. I've lost count of the number of times people have recommended child's farm, oats in bath and dream cream, all of which were tried but to no avail. Strictly following the advice of the dermatologists and paediatrician was what paid off eventually.

My sister has had eczema her whole life and uses hemp by the body shop. My son also has mild eczema on his legs and the hemp hand cream sorted it out. I didn't like using the flammable creams prescribed by the doctor. I agree with everyone else that two baths/ showers a week is all that's needed.

Not sure what being GF babies has to do with it.

"It's not your business. You have zero experience, so let them get on with parenting their own child."

She has more common sense than the parents! I have no experience with children and even I can tell you that over bathing is bad for dry skin and similar conditions.

Did had eczema as a toddler and I was told to bathe every other day tops and top and tail in between if she needed it.

Classic AIBU

OP comes on and posts out a place of genuine concern for the DP’s kids.

Minimal criticism of kids’ mum is given. Decent and called for criticism of DP is given (re his standing by and persisting with routines that don’t work, any hurt the kids).

OP is flamed, called out for being interfering, disrespectful and medically ignorant.

All because she wanted to see if she was BU to have serious concerns about long term steroid use AND twice daily bathing which we can all agree at some point has been deemed problematic for eczema.

Jesus. This place.

...even I can tell you that over bathing is bad for dry skin and similar conditions

And yet this is not what a paediatrician and a consultant dermatologist at GOSH, or the eczema society...etc etc recommend.

@lickencivers I'm so sorry your being hounded by some people on here just because your the DC's step mother, it's awful

If it was a child's mother on here worried there would be plenty of support, why people feel the need to be horrible and tell you to 'keep out' when your concerned is disgusting

I have a DSD and if I was concerned about her skin I would definitely be doing something about it or at least encouraging DP to try and sort something.

People wouldn't expect you to 'just keep out' if it was your own child and you were co-parenting so why should you now when that child is living under your roof half the time and their in pain

It's disgusting the attitude of some people on here

I have severe eczema and two baths a day is more harm than good

I hated the stuff doctors prescribed used moo goo and this spraBought both in local independant health food store. I just used moo goo after that and then nothing it was gone. Just occasionally use it now. 2 baths is crazy stupid. Mine loved her baths but once we gradually cut them to 2 or 3 times a week it really helped. Now she is back to daily.

OP have they tried Aveeno? It's colloidal oatmeal and I found it really soothing. Especially the bath oil.
I agree with you-bathing twice a day makes it worse. I would be inclined to gently offer advice xx

Coconut butter is the only thing that works for mine. Multiple baths doesn't sound good to me.

But of a tangent but I heard Child Farm products are amazing for this!!

PCohle
No, not when the regimen involves a whole year of Fucibet. Look at the link I posted where it clearly says that prolonged use for children isn't great. There should have been a follow up appointment to gauge the effectiveness of this topical treatment. It shouldn't have gone on for a year.

lickencivers
My guess wrt the tantrumming about being 'dirty' is that someone is very anxious to follow instructions to a T and without question or any common sense applied and has told them they need baths because they are dirty, possibly in fraught circumstances.

The children probably started off objecting to the bathing and were told they needed to wash as they were dirty, maybe with various details such as smelly, unpopular, etc thrown in to convince them that two baths a day were needed. Speculation, obv, I freely admit, but normally children are not concerned about being dirty unless someone has drummed this into them.

The eczema has clearly spawned a new problem all its own, and that has to be tackled too.

Eczema can make people terribly anxious because it is so hard to hit on the exact regimen needed to control it. Parents can feel very helpless, and depending on personality, people can latch on to any hope of controlling it that is suggested, which can result in rigidity when it comes to following treatment instructions. Some might like to ignore evidence in front of their noses that treatment has stopped working or never worked because the thought of going back to square one and experimenting for weeks or months fills them with dread and anxiety. Some people manage their own anxiety over their child's eczema by keeping on doggedly following instructions. It may make them feel better to feel they have some control over it but sometimes the child's condition is not actually improving.

It's a good step in the right direction that your DP has made an appointment with the GP, but actually I think he needs to make an appointment with the original derm.
Can you do this privately and not wait for a referral?
Or was the GP supposed to do follow up appointments after the derm appointment a year ago?
If this was the case, have those appointments been carried out?

Does the mother share information about medical treatment or visits with your DP?
If not this must change.

Your DP needs to pull up his big boy panties a little more in other words.

I developed eczema on my face! Was awful. Steroids didn’t get rid of it. But I had to wash my face. Anyway, by chance I came across this and it cleared up within a couple of days:

tropicskincare.com/collections/skincare/products/tamanu-healing-balm

I’m not selling it, lol, but it really transformed my miserable skin!!

mathanxiety Then perhaps that is something that the children's parents should raise with the relevant prescribing doctor.

Not something a step mother should decide just because she knows best.

Lifelong eczema sufferer here. I was always told to bath frequently (not twice a day though - maybe once a day) in bath emollients (I use oilatum) and then apply the steroids and emollient cream immediately afterwards.

My children have thankfully very mild eczema and I bath them 2-3 times a week. But that’s mostly because I’m too lazy to bath them daily and I don’t think they need it as their skin looks fine with our current routine.

Sounds like their routine is not working for them if the skin is still bad! Your DH definitely needs to take them back to the dermatologist

Oh and I swim and i usually shower afterwards to get the chlorine off and then have a bath later in the evening. I do the same for my kids.

Twice a day? Jesus that’ll be drying on the skin!

Eczema or no eczema, twice daily bathing of children is ridiculous, unless they're literally thick with mud, it's madness. Fine if the kids love a bath, and many do, but these two clearly don't, and even if daily bathing is recommended, I'd be amazed if they'd been instructed to bath TWICE a day.